An Unforgiven Heart

I should have known from the moment I got up @ 730 that it was going to be a not so good day. I got up and took the garbage to the alley and talked to my aunt. I didnt want to hear some of it but I listened. Then I started to clean and pack my room. Then I sat down at the computer and chatted with different people. Starbucks... he is something else.... why even play with me... I have gotten the picture that he doesnt want to be with me. My hair is a problem... so he says... Thats not the real reason just a cop out reason. I went to my co-workers house to fax some papers to my mortgage broker. I think next week I will be closing and can move. PRAISE HIM! I stayed over there for a while for I felt a little lonely. Then I went to Sauk Villages house. We went to the dealer to get all 3 cars serviced. My two and his one. That damn Taurus wouldnt start today and had to be towed in and the Accord got dropped off to be given a big ass Nissan Quest as a rental. Damn, I can do alot in there. But no one to test it out with. Then I went to take Dolton to grandma's house. Can you believe it I talked to Winthrop for what seemed like hours. We covered a lot of base and I even shared some things with him. Maybe one day my severed friendship circle will be repaired. Then again maybe it wont. Dekalb pt 2 wanted me to come and see him. I went.. We sat in front of his house and talked. The nigga fucking calls me crazy... He is just as crazy. He gets out the van and goes into this and says follow me over here to this house. I tell him I didnt fucking drive out here to go to someone elses house. So he could go and be messy. Here is where my mood went from up to down in a matter of seconds. I followed him over there and the whole time while I was following him the shit came back to me. Your still angry deep down inside. I really am... and I need not carry it into the new year for it will follow me all year long. Deep down inside I had HATE in my heart against at least about 5 people. We were sitting there in the van...and I was in another world... he kept trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I just stared at him! Do I hate him too? My mood continued to go down hill until I was depressed. I put him out the van cause I wanted to be alone and tired of him cursing at me like I was some convalescent.. I was so fucking discomboblulated(I think thats how its spelled) that I took a wrong turn and ended up in a city 2 or 3 cities over from his. I busted a U when I realized I was fucking up. I finally found my way home. Damn, a 20 min ride turned into a fucking 1 and a half hour ride. I was really having a moment.. I called my friend... he didnt answer... I called another friend he didnt answer... I finally found Subway and he talked me on in. He helped to cheer me with laughter. Then one of the people I called me back. I talked him while I was sipping on my White Zinfindel. I looked up and I had drunk 3/4 of the bottle was fucked up. Now this is me waking at 4am. Drunk as hell. Damn fully dressed, all the lights on, and computer screen on. I cut this shit off and im going back to bed.