Reality, decisions, and Depression

Early this morning 64th called me and was talking to me, it had been a long time since we had communicated with one another for a long time. I woke up this morning at about 9:30am…Realizing that it was early but late for something. Oh GOD!!!! I slept so hard that when my friend called me and asked me to take him home…I had not heard the phone. Oh well, he should have been ready before I went to sleep. So I called my Granny, I missed her, I had not spoke to her in a couple days. First topic at hand, my mother. What is wrong with her now… She has more ailments than a 109 year old woman who has been through menopause and 16 childbirths. Two days in a row I have tried to take her to the Hospital, but she doesn’t want to go. Granny and I digress…Its only for attention and sympathy. After I got off the phone with her I called Aurora, to tell him I was on my way. The stupid CUNT tells me he is sleep and to call him back when I get out of church, I tell him that’s not a good choice cause who knows what’s going to come up. Well he chose not to see me. I called Dekalb, to see why he had not called me back. No answer, Ok, I left him a dirty message…… Then me and Twin started texting….then it turned into a phone call. He started laying it on thick….GOD, my own wrath coming for me. I have never seen him so persistent about a subject. He has it made up in his mind that I should not be talking to this particular person. I value his opinion and want to take heed to it.. Generally speaking it would not be a problem for me to cut someone off. But something is different this time…I am almost certain that GOD put me in this place for a reason. I’ve been praying on it and I have not heard different yet. I mean Twin was reading me something terrible… IM SORRY TWIN!!! We got off the phone while I went to shower and get ready for my day. He texted me, I guess cause he was not finished. I then got my clothes on and out the door I went. I drove to one Grocery store to get a few items, then I went to run a few errands and then I went to another grocery store to get some stuff, then I went to Walmart in Indiana…Way to many Nigga’s at the near city Walmarts. Dekalb calls me and then I read him for being shady to me and acting like he is too good to talk to me. He said he left his phone in somebody car. Ok, make me suffer. LOL, I am sorry Dekalb for japping out. Then Dolton, my pudding calls me and we talk for a while. I have been neglecting her. The battery is beeping so I tell her I got to call her back. Went to go see both of my grannies today.... I then went home and unloaded my groceries and things while talking to TWIN..Once again he letting me HAVE IT. This time it is about Dekalb. All he wanted to hear out of my mouth was that I still have feelings for him. OK the truth is out, I still have STRONG FEELINGS for Dekalb. Never thought I would fall for someone younger than I. But I don’t like some of the things that he does. Dolton comes over I put my Lasagna in the oven and then we started grading papers. FORGET That I want to have sex cause I am major horny right now. Ok, I gain some form of self control and grade the papers. I am a hard grader but I guess I did start out going to school to be a teacher. She then begins to get mad and have these bitter feelings of hate and resentment in her eyes. I ask her what’s wrong but she says nothing but she is lying. Hell she didn’t even want to look at me…I did nothing so she needs to get it together. The time came for me to go and take Dekalb to the bus station. I talked to Naperville and once again we had a good conversation now I remember why I like him…He can have some good conversation, a quality you can’t find in many Black homosexuals. I talked to him until Dekalb got in the car. My mood began to change then, and then it went down hill from there til the point where I needed to pull over and let the tears roll down my face. I maintained because he was in the car. So many emotions began to run through my body and I had not felt these in a long time. Normally, we would mess around when I would take him to the bus. It didn’t happen this time and we had plenty of time to make it happen. He arrived at the station 35min prior to his buses departure. Ok, I could see him looking at me from the side but I didn’t say much. I dropped him off and drove around the corner and the tears flowed hard..What is wrong with me…. I called Naperville cause I wanted to talk…He told me he was sleep…Fine, I was mad….I turned my phone off completely and cried all the way home….I got ready for work and listened to gospel music and meditated until I went to bed. LORD I thank you for a better morning.