A much needed vacation

Last night I could do nothing but give GOD some praise for sparing my life, protecting me from harm, and keeping his angles encamped against me. I could have been involved in pile up but GOD spared me...I got off of the road and thanked him. I woke up this morning a little refreshed this morning simply cause I got some extra sleep last night. I still did not feel like myself. Still deep down inside something is bothering me and causing complete chaos down in my spirit. I didnt have to go to the office this morning, instead I have to go seminar. WOW, 8 hours of someone talking to me BOO BOO!!!! I got to meet some new people who work for my agency and some of them are fine as hell and others are crazy as hell. I realized today that I dont care for the friendship of younger people anymore, simply I love the company of older woman. I have so much fun with them and we can laugh and have fun as we did today. I want/need to take a vacation because I have allowed things to get me down. Tell you how the Devil will make a fool out of you....today he had me going through my phone looking at text messages and my call history. All the while I am getting mad as hell at some of the text messages I had and then the missed call from someone....Sent me into rage....Intensifying the hate that is harbored in my heart. In the past month 2 people whom I care alot about, came out of a bag on me. I wonder why do I even need friends.... Why must thou....maketh me so angry? Ok....I stopped looking at the phone all together.......I began to think....am I the worst person in this world like everyone says I am? am I not respectful of others? am I a shit starter???? Thats what everyone keeps telling me. I dont know why I harbor so much hate in my heart. I just want to thank Hairdresser for being there for me this week. OK, its time for me to go to bible study, when I get to church....Imma go b4 the alter and pray for a forgiving heart(Ill hold a grudge), Cause I dont have one....and some other things.....I need to pray against the hate I hold in my heart. In the bible study... GOD was delivering some things to me that I needed to hear. Ok, me and Twin need to make up...I am so stubborn....but he hurt me deep within....simply cause in so many words he told me I wasnt "Nothing." That really hurt....and I dont know if he meant it or said it out of anger.....Im sorry TWIN..but I am hurt that you let whatever was bothering build up and you came out the bag on me. Next I need to call Dekalb, ok....I still care a lot about him and I fell in love with him. Next, I must stop being so hard on myself.....I am not that bad of a person... And to look at far i've grown....From looking back where I started from. I broke down and called Dekalb....