Communication

In the last couple of weeks I have basically ceased communication with the world. It was time for me to have time to myself, regroup, think, pray, and get my life in order which seems to be falling off in one way or another.. Also, trying to achieve life goals that seem to be going no where. Ive been told I was being secretive and pushing others away. Ill admit Ive been secretive and not sharing much about my life with anyone. Most of my time is spent in church to grow! Other time is spent sitting at home praying or reading my bible. My wall of defense was built back up and now I trust no one, dont have to much to do with anyone, and basically like to be to myself cause it cuts down on a lot of confusion in my life. I know everyone has felt this way in their life before. If I keep quiet then no one can say nothing about me or say I said anything. People are cruel and like to make you feel bad about yourself. I stopped all that years ago and I am happy to be whoever I am. Some people I had to leave in 2oo5 and since 05 is over they will remain there forever. Ive been praying on some things in my life. 1.) is my unforgiven/Grudgeful heart,2.) my relationships, 3.) my finances, and 4.) my situation. While I was in bible study last night The pastor was preaching and I keep getting my Confirmation that Great things are in store for me and he said it 10 times " Its got to get better". Further confirmation. Ill admit its better but not as much as it should be. Its like this once, like I have said previously; once a person does something to me I dont forget it and it always sticks in my head. The pastor kept emphasizing this particular topic too which is "that everyone you think is you is your friend is not your friend". And for you to be careful who you allow in your circle. He taught on the Story of David in the bible and that made me think. Are my Friends the ones that want to crucify me? Well I guess I got to do like he did and love them anyway. My family has been asking me whats wrong with me but all I can tell them is nothing cause I dont know of a problem. Then I know I lost one of my dear friends... Which is because of our lack of communication. Both of us basically stopped talking to one another. He has his issues with me and I got mine with him. Now he questions whether or not we should be continue to be friends... If the friendship was real there would be no need to question it. Personally I dont want to lose him but its up to him. He needs to understand that Im on sabbatical right now... Taking care of Maurice and if certain issues had not risen then he might be there to go through with me. In all my relationships(family,friends, Significant others) I require attention and communication. Thats all I require I dont require to much of anything else. If a person shows me attention and gives me communication in return Ill show them the same. This week has been a nice week for me.. I actually got a chance to see and hear that someone out there likes me and wants to be with me. I got some people I like that I want to be with. The choice is mine! I need to analyze each situation and get to know the person. Im taking my time to get to know one person in particular and all I need is for their participation. COMMUNICATE PEOPLE IF YOU WANT TO GET ANYWHERE.. Now I can dry my tears up now.