Do not feed Stray animals

Quick thoughts out of the head of Maurice.............

"Never ask someone to make time for you, if you arent willing and trying to make time for them"

"He that desires friendship should present himself friendly"

"I care not so much what I am to others as what I am to myself" -Michel Montaigne

First off I really am not in the best of moods and its because of many different factors.. people, the weather, and my HORRIBLE sleeping patterns. Every night I have been waking up at like 3 or 4 either from someone waking me or I just get up. This is bad on my body when I go back to sleep and get up at 5:50 -6 o'clock. I am not an angry BLACK GAY MAN I spent my evening filling out my tree, LORD, I totally forgot what it was to put that tree together since the last time I put it up I was a freshman in College. Then I spent the remainder of the evening chatting and reading blogs. Then the thought came to my head as I was relaxing in my floor last night preparing for bed, why do we as people make time for others when they have no intention of making time for you. We as black GAY men have went through this many times. We give our all to have our feelings stomped on and trampled with like a Lion chasing its prey through the grasslands of Africa. I dont get it, so from now on I am not feeding into anyones else SHIT, I am going to worry about me cause I know I always have my own best interest at heart.

You ever heard that saying that if you feed a stray animal then they will always continue to come back to be fed. I found it to be true. When I was younger and if I had some fruit that was going bad or some bad that was becoming hard and moldy I would throw it out in the back yard for the birds and squirrels to come and get it. Once they realized that it stopped, they left because it wasnt there and they realized maybe that if they continued to sit there that maybe they would be eaten alive by the stray Cats.

Stop Feeding the FIELD Monkeys in your life people. I vowed earlier this week that closure from a lot of people in life was going BE Lived by before 2006 was over. Field monkeys are similiar to that of a porch monkey. Porch monkeys are the people who i call Black Trash, the ones who sit on porches and drink, and do nothing with their lives. Field moneys are people who are educated, but thrive on being bitches and assholes to society.
So Listed are the Monkeys in my life that I stopped feeding on Sunday.

1. The Captain(a.k.a Satan and Starbucks), after our short lived love affair, I noticed that any chance of us being friends was not going to happen. Foolishly I retaliated everytime he said something to me. Thats what he wanted because he knew I would give it to him. Even if he continues to be a thriving, desperate for attention human being I will not be feeding into his idiocracies any longer. I am grateful to have met him because he showed me that an educated fag is no better or saner than an uneducated Fag.

2. My Parents- who have never done anything for me but put undue stress on my life like THE CAPTAIN. I love them but the chances of us having a relationship aint gone work.

3. Stupid Fags- Once again The Captain falls into this catergory, I have no room for them in my life because Im better than that and on top of that... They really hold no real place in anyones life, probably not even in their own families life.

4. Its more to my list but those are the three main.
So with this said.. Its all erased!~

Friends or Fuck Buddies

For the last week or so People have been telling me that I am very very flirtatious. AM I? I dont mind telling someone that I think that they are attractive or sending a smile on 360. I believe in giving people compliments. I look at people, but never do I go up and be trying to holla at people.
What does Im looking for friendship mean in this day and age? I guess not a darn thing and I got 2 scenarios to prove it means nothing. First instance, it is this guy at my church who is always I guess calling himself flirting with me. Non the less I aint even remotely interested in him and I called myself being nice by picking him for church cause he needed rides. Later I found out he is capable of catching the bus and he probably using the rides to get to see me or whatever. Over the last 3 weeks or so his behavior has gotten out of control. Talking about not caring that I got a man. He has met him on several occassions and he still dont care. I get text messages from him talking about what are you wearing? 0r when can I come over to you house? All texts usually end or start with the word SEXY? WTF, AM I sexy or is he trying to suduece me. And what are you going to do with me sexually? NOTHING AT ALL! I have learned to ignore his texts and stop picking him up for church, its just that simple. Or I'll start shooting daggers at him.
Then for friends purposes only, I created an a4a acct to find a friend I lost contact with and I found him finally. But in my search for him, people hit me up asking me how big am I? What do I look like? When were going to have sex? I find it very inappropriate to continuously try and push yourself on someone when they have made it clear that they are not interested in sex but friendship. Not only did I mention several times that I got a man. It dont matter. Is it either because they are Fucking stupid or they dont care. The profile is blank with nothing on it about setting up on something. I have no picture or no sexual position and still I get hit up by people all the time. Then what really blows me is the ones who say they top when they hit me up and then I be like not looking for anything but I am a top. Then they magically term into a verse or bottom. WTF? I have since learned how to click the ignore/block button for the stupid cunts that dont know how to read Big BOLD Black Lettering.

Randomness

Well Sunday before church was over my Pastor called a meeting with all the men in the church after church. Im sittin there thinking what the hell could this be about.. I was hungry and sleepy and was ready to go. First order of business was the building we're moving into, which might I add im not to thrilled about. Then the MEAT, "We ARE MEN" Ok, I know that. Apparently a couple of the church fags were going on in there calling one another girl and what not and Pastor Snapped. I cant blame him. All I could do was sit there and smile cause it was hilarious. He said he was tired of the men switching, twirling, and acting like girls. LOL.."If you struggling with something Man up and be a man so you can get deliverance." LOL
I hate ungrateful people with a passion. They should just crust over and die or bust out in spontaneous combustion. I realized yesterday that I have an extreme dislike for one of my co-workers with a passion and he would be the one I would have pulled out in the grab bag. GOD this makes it difficult! What I dont like about him... He is a classless, good for nothing, low budget nigga. LOL.. YES I SAID LOW BUDGET. He walks on his TOES(pillow biter) around here in his colored contacts like his sh*t dont stank. I have never talked to him or anything like that. One day he called me a faggot or something like that because he asked me to go play basketball with him and I TOLD HIM HELL NO. So since then I have had nothing to do with the arrogant prick. Well yesterday he asked me for some of the VSOP or the Jack Daniels at my house. I just looked at him and told him NO. Why not? Cause I said so, and I dont want to share it with you. You on that bullshit! Naw you are. dont ask me for anything. You will never get as much as a drop of anything thats in my house so stopped asking. Man you selfish. NO YOUR STUPID dont talk to me, jackass. So today I just been shooting daggers at him with my eyes like I wish it was Satan and I was shooting crosses saturated in blessed oil.I woke up this morning in an already bad mood to be further pissed off which has affected my day. I hated almost everyone in the world and been snapping off all day. It took one message to cheer me up. "You are one of the people that I am truly thankful for coming into my life. You have been kind with your words and time. Words cannot express what your friendship and people like you have done to psyche. You have completed me when I thought I was lost and ready to give up on life. And I MUST THANK YOU FOR THAT!!!" and the fact that Ms. Kornbread is a nut I feel a better now.
My Christmas Wish List
Gifts Cards (Amoco, Wilsons, Walmart,Best Buy, Circuit City, Old Navy, Burlington Coat Factory,Sprint)
Messenger Bags (Kenneth Cole, Louis Vuitton, Wilsons Leather)
Stereo (gifts cards can help me buy this)
Clothes:Casual to hip hop (Pants 40-44 x 32, Shirts 2XL)
Boots and Shoes (Shoes 13,Timberlands 13, Dress Boots 13-14,Dress Shoes 13-14)
Cologne (Isi Miaki or Clinique)
Electronics(Tivo or DVRecorder)
Entertainment (Various DVDs, Kirk Franklin Cd, Various Gospel)
Misc (Wallet and Precise V5 pens)
LOLOL.. hey as long as I get something off the list Ill be happy.

I still got to say thank you

Tho its another week and Thanksgiving have left I still got to say what I got to say. I had a long blog to write way before MY Grateful blog! But the events of the last 2 weeks have been enough to question your faith in GOD. I am thankful for them But as I would say during my trials and tribulations, LORD I THANK YOU for these and whatever else is to come. In these 2 weeks I met LONGSHOT, a wonderful guy. He suprised me by popping in Chicago so we had an evening on the town and had fun. Yall he is a GIANT.. he towered over me like Le Effiel Tower over the Sears Tower. LOL. Monday I dropped the car off at the shop, to be picked up by Enterprise. Well they tell me I need a credit card and my debit card would work but I had to have a check stub and 2 utility bills. WTF? I thought.. Just to rent a car. I dont have a Credit card for purposes of me not abusing my credit.. LOL.. I remember I was in college and I had a bill fold of any kind of credit card you could imagine.. ranging from Platinum Discover to GOLD VISA. Well guess what? Im still paying for them and the credit cards no longer exist. LOL... Then I had to ride the bus to my house, I was devasted.. I have not rode public trans in years and It was about to kill me. All the jiggaboos and low class, low budgets Negros on the bus. We cant people just get on the bus and act civilized, without all that low grade cursing and loud talking. So my sister was staying with me while she on the break and I was going to take the bus to work the next morning but she told me to take her car. FINE, I got to it and as Im walking down the street I see that it looks funny. INDEED, her window had been kicked out and the radio and dashboard I just had installed was gone. I heard the alarm going off all night long but I didnt have a clue that it was hers. Needless to say I was back on the bus. I dont see how 100 people can crowd on a bus everyday.. Not my thing. I called enterprise and told them I'd be to get a car after work and I had my Payroll Department, ATT, and My bank to fax me some info. I got the car.. I dont like American Cars at all.. I was devasted and Could not wait to get my car back.
For Thanksgiving, I was responsible for making some pies and the Mac & Cheese. I guess my Granny knows I am good at baking cakes, pies, and cookies.. LOL ! I spent it with my Maternal Grandparents, My Mom and her husband, my siblings, and the family Puppy. Hell the dog loved all of the food as much as we did. I got so much to be thankful for. I got my health and strength, as well a roof over my head, food, clothes, car, My Family and Friends.
My Mom- For Bringing me in this world, and leaving me to grow up on my own, it made me a better person. My Granny- For taking me in and raising me to be a man to the best of her ability. Her spoiling me may have been the only downfall, but overall I think she molded me into a good GOD fearing man. My Sibling- I hold them so dear to my heart.For allowing me to be a positive role model to them. I am GLAD to say they look up to me for everything and if they make any big decisions my imput is always wanted. Extended Family- For being there for us when we needed them most. Tho I am not to fond of many of them, I was always able to count on them when I needed them. MY GUY- for being the best BF ive ever had. HE gets on my last nerve, to the point where I want to strangle him but I couldnt imagine my life without him. I thank him for allowing me to be positive person in his life since he is the same age as my lil brother. LOL!
Friends
TooRoyal- ONLY the LORD knows how me and this man are good friends to this day. BUT I AM SO THANKFUL for him. We have been choir mates, roommates, enemies, Best Friends, Traveling Buddies, Best friends, you name we have been it. LOL... If I never knew what a Best friend was, I knew it after I met him. Mother D, helped me to come to terms with myself and Thats why I hate him.. LOL, Just kidding. He was young when I met him, but Wise and Immature for someone his age. LOL.. We used to do everything together and I think the worst heartache I experienced was when I graduated and I left him there. Even tho he was here like once a month, It was a loss I experienced. I am so glad to have him apart of my life.
Dalilbbrown- My son, I am thankful for him too. I first met him in the choir as well and more through TooRoyal. We have some good laughs and good times together. I have to give him a lil guidedance every once in a while but he is a cool guy.
Cash- Ive known him for years but it was not until 05 that we became good friends. He is a gemini like me and our personalities Conflict, but he is good peeps. He is my brother, my confidant, my club brother, and I love him to death.
Debbie- MY LOVE! My one and only true FAG HAG, she is crazy as hell but I dont think I would want her any other way. We used to do everything together. We shop til we drop, we sit and get drunk and talk about everyone. Initially when I met her GOD, placed her here for a reason.
Kimora- He is the newest to my circle of friends. But I love him as much I love the 3 of them. I remember I would see him on A4A and say to myself there is no way Im speaking to him. He is way to far Harsh and My feelings are fragile. Then one cold morning we were racing downtown and I was giving his Lexus hell since I had a smaller car and could jump in and out of traffic. Since then we have been the best of friends. We club and we talk, we im in my worst moods, he seems to be the only one to make me laugh and smile. ***GOLD PUMPS***
*********************** WHY ARE 3 of the 5 Cancers? ***************************
Then its my other blogger friends that I dont see all or talk to other times but we share times through our blogs: Riqqi(who dont deal with me any more ),PJ, Brooklyn Diva,Longshot, The Captain(even tho I dont understand his logic or him for the matter), Marz, Daryl, Identity Warfare,Will, Sweet Music Maka, Adonis(Ive known him for 10 years),Charlie and the REST of the BLOGOSPHERE. Hell I aint got enough time to remember all those.

Getting to know you!

I consider myself pretty outgoing person and for the most part easily to get along with. I usually go out of my way to make conversation with people to make friends. Overall I think I think I make a lot of friends because of my outgoing, non shy, comical character. I crack jokes and laugh at others jokes... In the social setting I am quite the sociallite. I try to get to know people by all various means. Ive met some of my best friends from the net, from others, or out in the street. I dont have a problem making conversations with people.. including the wait staff at the restaurants I attend. I make sure I know them by them so I can address them as such. Hell I even met this one waiter cause I talked to him. SO.......
This morning I recieved a plethora of emailing "telling me about myself and what I dont do." I was accused of not trying to get know people and playing with peoples emotions. Also an email dissecting my blog yesterday which I could be facetious and post for the reading audience but I aint. HOW DO I PLEAD: NOT GUILTY! I can not be guilty as charged. This person as you all can guess.. Its the IGNORANT DIM WITTED JACK ASS from yesterday who is mad at the world and ME. I sent a few emails back and then I thought about it.. Im sinking down to be a dim witted jack ass myself which I know I aint. I deserve better than this and I have it. But since I am accused I must justify to get the NOT GUILTY verdict. We met around this last year and I would say it was the best 2 weeks of my life cause I was off work and I had a shawty, I thought they were feeling me.. CLEARLY NOT! Well after those weeks we had a series of discussions that lead to truths about us. A. they really didnt like me B. they didnt like my Hair and wanted to cut it off C. they had some secret to hide D. they are BIPOLAR as hell. All of this within 2 weeks and yet in still I was interested because I thought I was being pushed away because they didnt want to develop feelings. Around this time this is when the blog wars started and the constant back and forth started. Numerous times Ive tried to be friends because they said they wanted that from me. I would say lets go eat.. "NO unless your paying for me" Come over to my house..."NO I will not come where im not welcomed".. DIDNT I Just invite you. OR, me saying i'm/were going to be at this place and time care to join us. He wants to know who all is going to be there and then he sends a pathetic text saying I guess you really dont want me there. SIGH! I gave up yesterday so I responded to one of his emails saying, "SINCE I DECIDED I would not argue with you anymore yesterday... I will say this.. SAY what you want! SAY what you need! I know the truth and so do you. Shedding light on the situation... Ill stay in Chicago and you stay in (his hometown)... That way we dont have to cross paths at all. Since I was NEVER ALLOWED to see you in another light.. ILL KEEP IT LIKE THAT. AT AGE 25, people change and its usually for the better... I chose the Road to better and since im better than arguing with you Ill leave you be. All I ask in return is that you leave me be... We cant "BLAME" one another for anything if we dont exist... ACT as if I dont exist! PLEASE.. make it seem like you were told I went on home to GLORY! I am not going there with you anymore. I mean it, hell if he speaks death upon his life ill let him. I am better than this! He will forever be lonely he will forever because of his own behavior. I want to live and enjoy my life while Im still here. TOMMOROW aint promised to any of us. Since I dont plan on dying anytime soon.. I would like him to forget about me. Ive spent my last 12 months trying to get to know him and Be his FRIEND, all of which he dont deserve from me. So instead of putting 100 proof Vodka in my mouth and spitting it on him with fire blowing out of my Captains Morgan lighter. Ill leave him be like TOOROYAL said because I dont wish death upon anyone especially not me. And while I am finished writing this... I know I am and I deserve better than that! So like I emailed him "when you get it together as I said before.. Ill be here for you.... But if not Avoir!" Im done venting NOW!

What I oppose!

Well this blog was originally going to be about Liars and I how HATE THEM! Then I wanted to discuss cheaters, and what is it that make people cheat. Then before I could get into my third hour of work... It became how I hate people who are so stupid and Imbeciles.. LOL.... So I decided to include all 3 in a short little blog.

LIARS- I dont understand FOLKS think that its ok to lie to try and decieve others. Im one of these people who remember details and I will basically say look... You didnt say this before you said that. I just hate the people who lie for nothing, Especially those who lie with no purpose. Its like this... I didnt ask you nothing so why are you volunteering to tell me something and I didnt ask you sh*t! Tell the truth cause everything thats in the DARK will Come to the Light!

Cheating- What are the real causes of why people cheat? Personally I am not a cheater and I have never cheated on anyone. I will not sit here and lie and say im not HUMAN and the thought has never crossed my mind. Do people cheat because they feel lonely? They are not getting sex at home? they are Nymphomaniacs and cant get enough? As Fantasia says, are they made to feel second best? What is it.. Please share your thoughts! I am not speaking on my own life so please dont think Im talking about me!

Imbeciles- Have you ever met someone who was too smart for they're own good. Well I know a person and this person just has gloom on his/her life and I believe that they are some close kind with the DEVIL.. LOL... I remember when I used to be mean and Would have said to this person "I wish you die" since then i have grown up. This person makes me want to say it cause in my eyes they're presence is doing the world more harm than its doing. I have never met anyone who never has anything Positive or nice to say. Everything that comes out their mouth is something mean, hateful and destructive. NEVER speaks life but Death! If I say how are you? "I dont know"! PEOPLE these are not the kind of people you want in your circle. So clearly as my blog states.. my car was parked and hit... The dim witted Jack ASS sends me a text telling me that its seems someone needs to learn how to drive. My response yeah.. whoever hit the car sure does! Then Jack Ass goes on to tell me how it was probably on purpose, or that it was fate. FATE- I was in the car at all, but hey I could be wrong! Well Im a funny person and talk mess all day long.. Well I texted the person just playing and asked them about how did they like the oral sex we had? OH LORD why did I do that. I got a text saying something like WHY do you care or what do you care for? Something that made me mad. My response was GROW UP NIGGAH! and I was losing it Then came, why you got to act like a Bit*ch all the time? Then me being the witty, smart mouthed person started convulsing inside! I wanted to get them but I self contained! I got one phone call and 2 more I am not answering them. I GAVE UP! I refuse to talk to someone who is not a FRIEND or that has my best interest at heart! I remember when I was in College Mother TooRoyal always looked out for me even tho he was 3.5 years younger than I. LOL.. HE gone kill me!



I BET YOU THINK THIS BLOG IS ABOUT YOU! DONT YOU!? DONT YOU!?

So the above photo is of my car.. which really show the damage... But The grill and the protective covering under the hood is gone. Its damage to both fenders and the bumper is scratched. Im just sick and tired of being sick and tired. It seems like when it rains it pours.. I am trying not to let this send me into a state of depression but this accident is totally out of my budget. I am the one to hold everything together for everyone... They call on me whenever something goes wrong. I feel like I am responsible for the world. Now the car. First the $500 deductible... then the rental car(I forgot to add rental car reimbursement when I turned 21)...... over all stress of dealing with Claims adjusters and what not. All I can say is since I got to pay all this money its gone be well worth it when I get it back.. Cause Im going to have it pimped. I was typing all that I was having done to it... Then I thought I would wait until it is finished and show you guys the finished product.
How would you feel if you went to someones house and it was nasty. Like dirty clothes all over the floor. Underware packaging on the floor and bed. Just the house in total chaos. Personally I would be looking around like.. UGH! well I went to a persons house and thats how I felt. Im a person who tries to keep his house spotless if possible. I invest a lot of time into cleaning my house. Its not big and it takes me about 4-5 hours a week to clean cause Im such a neat freak and perfectionist. Maybe its because im a gemini and we have to have everything in perfect order. I know I can be a bit obsessive compulsive when I take time from cleaning to ensure something is symmetrically lined up parallel to the lines in my couch and love seat or when I pull out the tape measurer and make sure the arrangement in the center is exactly centered in the middle of the table. or that the couch and love seat are exactly 32 inches from the wall.. or the T-Square to make sure my bed is made up corner to corner. LOL.. Ok.. a lil compulsive..

Defeating the ODDS!

I am not going to say how pissed I am right now.. After I sat there and typed a long blog and the Crap erased! ARG! Well I hope it doesnt happen again. Friday night I went to my grannies house to pick up some money but then I ended up sitting there with her and watching Grey's Anatomy a show which I had never seen. It was really a neat show! Saturday, involved furniture shopping with the DR. I shop with her, pick out things, and fix her car. What a good friend I am. That evening me, Cash, and Dalilbbrown went to eat. , Cash was gone... We had a pitcher of Strawberry Margarita. Then we went to the Generator.. a club which I really hate ... to meet my guy Atlantas friend Dallas. Dallas a short, thick, dredded, big booty brother. It was apparent that he was shy as hell but soon opened up and was ready to shake his "MONEY MAKER" on the dance floor. We danced for like 2 hours. He was the perfect dance partner cause he not to tall or too short.. JUST RIGHT! I started too... Then my ex, THE A, was there... being his normal self which consists of being LATE, TIRED, and HIGH to top it off. What a Jack A*S calling me during the club as if U could hear him. Sunday was my regular, church and eating afterward at Papadeax in Arlington Heights.
All my life I had struggles about getting ahead in life cause our own people(YES BLACKS) dont like to see young black man make it in life.
Everything Someone said I wouldnt do I have done it...
1. They said I wouldnt live to be 18... Im 25 now
2. I would never amout to anything since my parents were not anything.. Im a college Grad(symbolism of the pic) with a Career
3. Well on yesterday I was told I was fat and to accept it as that. "Your never going to be a 32 wst so you might as well accept yourself as that.......... Not true... I lost a lot of weight this year I just gained it back. But I got something for this person.. I have a gym membership and I will monitor what I eat..... I know how to defeat any obstacle placed in front of me. Thanks for giving me something to strive for. Tho I dont want to be a size 32 but I want to be a 36-38 and I want to be healthy... I do not want to succumb to Diabetes, heart disease, or Morbid obesity.

Nasty Disposition

First off I got to give mad props to Keisha Kornbread… He didn’t want to see me in a bad mood and did something daily to make me smile. Especially this morning when he made cry tears while laughing.. LOL… Now on to the meat.. Sorry this is going to be a long one.

Well for the last week or so.. I’ve had an attitude out of this world. I have not wanted to be bothered and everything and mostly everybody was getting on my nerves. I didn’t want to smile or talk and just wanted to plain out just be left alone. It was so bad that sex and head couldn’t cure it. But my attitude probably made some good orgasms. LOL..

For Halloween the kids came to my door. I sat still when I knew they knew I was in the house. Especially with my car sitting there and my lights on and they could probably see the computer screen. I didn’t care, get the fuck away from my door. besides I don’t celebrate that shit anyway.

Then 2 people whom I deemed as important people in my life(ill leave them nameless) got on my nerve. One whom I had been attempting to make contact with wouldn’t call me or even text me for that matter. Boy was I pissed. This person ran me low. Then the second ran me even lower… I don’t know what’s wrong with this person. But they have me fucked up. I don’t know if they think I’m a mind reader or some kind of psychic. I’m not either.. I’m a social worker and part time counselor and ALL I have right now is a B.S. They would text me saying “You don’t get,” I’m thinking WTF. What is there to get? “You will never understand” LOL.. Hell in order to get 2 I thought you at least had to have 1 to start with. Well after trying not to play games with them. I rebutted… You’re right I will never get it for the simple fact I don’t have a clue as to what’s going on in the first place. Secondly im a grown man.. I didn’t play games as a child and Im not going to start as an adult. I do not want to want to pass go and collect $200 nor do I want take Chances(is that even a game) or play guess who. Silly RABBIT games/tricks are for kids. Needless to say they are fine and not talking to me which is fine. People are like a bag of mixed NUTS.. you never know which one is coming out next. LOL. That was not nice but original.

Then I got 2 severe infections and got to be off work for a couple days.. Most people would have been overjoyed.. I would have rather been at work. Then Friday night me, Dalilbbrown, and the DR ventured down to EIU our alma mater for the annual Black Alumni Reunion (TOOROYAL WOULDN’T COME). It was cool. I got to see all those who left before me and after me. I felt old cause the freshman are almost 10 years younger than me. Hell they are nuts and I believe they are prostituting on the campus. LOL. I got to see my ex and some other people. LORD I’m glad I’ve graduated and have moved on because if I were still there I would be in trouble.

Saturday another friend pissed me off royally. I was like GOD… Is it going to get any better. Later that night, I went to a restaurant and came back in. I hit the keypad and the alarm sounded. I thought I hit the panic button. Then I stuck the key in and the alarm went off. I thought WTF, someone fucking with my car. Well just in case they were lurking around I locked the doors and turned it off. Further pissing me off more! I can say now that today I am in a better mood. And not hating the world.