Thought for the day????

When I got up I called the Dr's office to find out if my CT scan had been scheduled and they told me no. That sometime next week it may be scheduled I snapped on the nurse on the phone and let them know I would be reporting them to the proper people and that they would not have to worry about me coming back there I would go to another Dr who cares about their patients. She then said go to the emergency room! WHATEVER HOE! Well my yesterday was spent sitting in the hospital with Intravenous lines coming out of my arm. I got stuck with the needle several times because my veins kept pushing the needles back out. Finally, this one nurse came in and forced a needle in and she made it stay. Then the CT scan revealed that everything is intact but I got some serious migraines and will have to go see an outpatient doctor for those. They want me to rest for the next 2-3 days, refrain from stressful environments, not to eat red meat, find out what stresses me and stay away from that, etc... Ok.. Kool not a problem. Dolton came up there when she got off work and gave me her spill on things on why I have the migraines. First she told me to many people on my mind at once. A whole bunch of important stuff that I need to take heed too. My mom managed to piss me off again today because she said lets go to MS to check on daddy. I simply told her NO once again because Im not up for a trip. Im supposed to be in bed resting and relaxing. She went on to tell me "thats your grandfather and what if he dies?" Well I am not GOD and can not spare his life so I guess it doesnt matter HUH? With her being such a drama queen that she is I clearly got off the phone cause she was making my head hurt. She is one of the few people that are part of my stress. Thought for the day and every day thereafter? Whatever is in your past, whatever you have done... and the devil keeps throwing it up in your face (lying, cheating, debt,fear, bad habits, hatred, anger, bitterness, etc.)... whatever it is... You need to know that God was standing at the window and He saw the whole thing... He has seen your whole life. He wants you to know that He loves you and that you are forgiven. He's just wondering how long you will let the devil make a slave of you. The great thing about God is that when you ask for forgiveness, He not only forgives you, but He forgets .. It is by God's grace and mercy that we are saved and always remember: God is at the window.

Its time to stop the rain from pouring

Last night I went to Osco to pick up the new meds the Doc gave me. I needed them cause my head was killing me. I mean I was losing my sight and going deaf at the same time, thats how intense the pain was. I stopped by co-workers house and sat in a chair with an ice compress on my forhead and a cold towel on the back on my neck. Then I finally get up and go home and my mom calls me crying and all irrate telling me my Grandfather had suffered a stroke and a heart attack. OH WOW! Now something else to add to my list of worries.. But im not gone worry about him or anything else right now cause my health is whats important right now. I woke up this morning and layed in bed because I didnt want to stir my head up and make it start hurting again. I layed there for about an hour and a half and then decided it was time to clean my room and get my life insurance papers out, Car term life insurance papers, and my paper with my wishes out for my family should something happen to me. I didnt touch the HELL-O-PHONE and anyone calling or texting it would hear from me whenever. I saw it flashing a few times but I pressed the stop button and went on about my day. If a person doesnt call the house phone then they wont be talking to me. Around eleven my head started hurting again so my pill popping day started and I couldnt go get my CT Scan because the dumb doctor didnt set it up. Ok so now Imma have a law suit against the Dr's office too. So now I have all that in order I continued to throughly clean my room until I threw it all away. Then I thought out some blogs to write then I decided not too but keep them close to my heart. It time for me to worry about Maurice and not another person on this earth. Its time to let people be, to not let people get to me, stop stressing over things in which I cant change. IT's TIME for a new life! Its time for so much more but I aint gone get into it. The first one person I had to get told was my mother. She called me and said when were we leaving to go see about pops. I told her look lady, I aint going no where I dont feel well and i aint driving anywhere to check on anyone. She told me I was selfish. Then I went in for the read. "I am not selfish, not in the least bit, I have spent my entire life caring for others and making sure everyone was taking care, but not a soul cares that I am ill. He is ok and well taking care of i'm sure since he is in a hospital. Besides there is nothing we can do since either of us has a PHD in medicine." She was speechless! The HELL-O- PHONE continued to ring but I still have not touched it. Well I have more to say but my head has started pounding again from the lights and this screen i'll finish it tommorow. PRAY for me and my POPS!

Agony

Well this made day 8 of me having my headache. I dont know what to think... Is it a stroke? a broken blood vessel? Stress who knows! But I presssed my way on out to work this morning. I got there extra early my head throbbing. Im thinking why in the hell did I come here I should have went str8 to the E.R. I made it half way and out the door I went to the Dr. he grew very concerned because this headache should be gone. Dekalb being concerned called and was bossing me around,Wait a minute whose the oldest. But he was showing his concern and making sure nothing was happening to me. He began to order tests after test that I will have to go through. He told me to go home and rest and to go to the Hospital in the morning for more test. So i guess Ill be off work for the next few days thank GOD for sick days. Dolton of course showed her concern by telling me that she was going to beat me and etc and that she could not afford to have me die. I dont know maybe being with the heavenly father cause always be better than this pain.Then I called my granny and now she is trying to clock my tea on the side. She starts out telling me what I need to do. Then it went from that to telling me to be myself despite what others may think or say. I say "what you talking about Granny?" nothing in particular but just be you. LOL... Then move out and get your own place so you can be you. LOL... I almost said "Are you trying to clock my tea grantie?" LOL... So that conversation went on for about an hour. Ok, the only thing is that I am comfortable being me. NAW!! I aint ready to leave here and I know he is not done with me just yet! Pray for Jay, he lost his father on today and I was 30 mins late getting in contact with him but I will keep him and his family lifted in prayer. Remember to pray for your enemies, friends, and family. Pray for me as I do for you!

Dreams

Friday after I left the dr I went to my mom's house to be yelled at. She thinks I need to sit down and take time for myself. She has not heard of a time where I sat down relaxed, watched a movie. BLAH BLAH BLAH. Ok, mommy Ill sit down and chill out. I talked to my granny about whats going on in my life and why I have no.. why do I....a whole bunch different areas. Then we went out to my cousins house to have a celebration of her passing her state boards. YAY! my family will get together and have a party for anything. I had a great time being with my family and even had a few drinks to make it an even better time. I promise we toasted to everything we could think of even to my graduating from Grad school and I aint even started. LOL.. Then I left there and went to this whack house party that I should never be attending again. It really sucked to the point we were sitting on a couch looking across at messy fags that I was like "Get a clue girls." I came home and slept like there was no tommorow. I was dreaming of people from my past, WOW! What am I doing dreaming about these people. All the while I didnt get up until almost 1pm and then I had family day with my brother and sister. First we went out to eat and boy did we eat good. Then we went shopping and all that was good and it made me feel great to spend time with them. Then I came home and slept from 6 pm until 12:30am and then again from 1:30 until 10:30am Sunday morning. I dreamed of people from my past again this time my ex best friend. OH WOW! I thought again. Did my regular routine of church and dinner except I cooked it myself. My head is still hurting and if it doesnt cease by morning Ill be going to the E.R. Take Care!

Keeping your enemies in your prayers

Well last night I decided to go hang out with Walmart 2 and his friends at the bowling alley. It was nice besides the fact that I had a headache that ive had for the last 5 days. He was nice and I never even realized that his booty was so big! OMG! So I took him and his friend home and came home to lay down and know immediately I wasnt going to work this morning. So I ate my leftover chinese food from lunch that I didnt eat and went to bed. I checked my voicemail and it was a message from Satan talking mess as usual. My first thought was to call him back and spit some very hateful venom his way but I thought thats exactly what the cunt wants me to do so I aint gone do it. Matter fact I aint even gone call him back about what he was telling me. Every time I hear his voice or hear/ see his name I think about him dying. So I begin to pray for him because LORD does he need it and to remove the hate out of my heart for him. He was supposed to call and leave me a message about the Chicago bloggers getting together but instead Satan left me a couple minutes worth of message minding my business telling me what i'm doing which he doesn't have a clue about. I've learned that if people had lives and mind their own business the world would be a better place. I didn't ask anyone to be concerned about whatever it is that im doing cause im grown and dont need anyones approval. So I will continue to pray for him and cease contact with him because he is an ignorant asshole, very book smart, but ignorant in every other way. GOD BLESS HIM! ............................. I've come up with a solution to curb what people can say about me or even know about me. #1 to ignore people who want to be ignorant #2 stop giving people something to talk about such telling them whats going on in my life #3 continuing to have little to no contact with everyone. I will continue to pray for Satan because it is my belief that he is upset because he aint even a number in my 50 men as he puts it. I dont even want him to be the dirt under my shoe. Somethings never change and Cash thinks I should be nice! HA! Thats his friend! We were never make amends, will never get along, and will never talk or spend time together. Even if that means me not attending the Chitown Bloggers meet and greet in June.

Being Careful of the company you keep

It’s been one week exactly since I wrote in this blog a lot has happened. Last week I got to meet a fellow Blogger by way of the ATL. He was real cool and cordial. Then my guy from Detroit was here and I was chauffeuring him around Chicago while trying to work 2 jobs and maintain family, lovers, and friends. LOL, Just kidding! Dekalb was on Spring break so I got to see him a couple times last which I was glad of because I missed him. Satan (you know who you are) tried to get me all in an uproar but I was determined to not let him get me worked up so I politely ignored his texts. Friday I went to the LATE (PROP) house. WTF, it has fell off and it ain’t popping like it used to be. I was like GET ME OUT OF HERE. I was so glad to go home. Saturday got up at 9( after getting in at 4 something) to let the cable man in to see why my internet keeps shutting down then I got up and showered and went to get Dekalb to take him around to run his errands. Detroit straight snapped off on Saturday telling me to get rid of Dekalb because he ain’t right for me and he don’t care about me and he don’t want me to get hurt. Then he called him a dummy because he feels I am a good man who has evolved over time into a great man and an even better lover. I love Dekalb a lot and one day we will be together again, I know it. I think I am some kind of freak because I like to be outside so people can watch me. I was playing outside and these people were in the window watching me. That kind of stuff turns me on and made me want to do it more but somebody got scared and didn’t want to play anymore. Saturday night my son, cash, and I attempted to go to spin but Cash left his wallet in the car so we couldn’t go. BOO! Anyway not a total loss cause I got to see my daughter and eat at one of my favorite restaurants. After that I went and scooped Dekalb up and he spent the night with me. I took him home the next morning before I started getting ready for church. LORD, FORGIVE ME!!! I knew already that I was gone be convicted by the time I got to service. Its not funny but the Devil will try to corrupt your thoughts cause he was making me feel like someone in my life is out to get me, don’t like me, and just not in my corner at all. Or maybe is it my discerning spirit helping me not to get hurt? The pastor preached about the situations we are in, our lives in general, and what we can do to improve it. He said if you hang out with messy people they will somehow get you in their mess. In order to be successful you have to hang out with positive people because if you hang out with people who aren’t motivated they cant motivate you to want to do better. People who are not doing nothing with their lives tend to drag others down. He preached about how the enemy uses others to get you. I received it and took good notes. So be careful of the company you keep! Walmart is no good! Turns out that he is not only married but he has children. OH hell naw, so I was taking a stroll through Walmart and he spoke to me. I was just looked at him over the top of my glasses and kept walking. Nigga get on you ain’t use me! Then I walked out the door and met this guy I’ll call Walmart2 who is only 18 but its all good because I am not going to be messing with him because I have soul ties to Dekalb.

0 degrees of separation!

Friday evening I kicked it with co-worker before going to get Dekalb who went over there with me. After that we went to my house where he spent the night with me. I was well mannered and kept my hands to myself all night. WHAT I dont get is how people can be offended by the things you write in your blog when no one told them to read it in the first place. I had to get someone together because they let their flesh get the best of them and was lead to read my blog. I didnt send out a text nor an IM saying please read my blog. So dont get mad about the contents of it! The morning another subject, I couldnt take it anymore and I pursuaded him to start and then we shared what I will the most romantic time we have ever had in our 8 months of knowing one another. I took him home and went out to eat with cash and then I came back to the crib and slept all day missing our date to the movies. This is when I learned that the 6 degrees of separation is a JOKE and that is more like 0 degrees of separation. What kills me is that every knows someone and that more than likely someone I have dated/messed around with also have messed around/dated someone else I have dated. Its a big mess I tell you. Walmart late ass texted me asking for dick pics and etc. Sunday I got up and began to pack some more of my room up and clean it up for I know Im going to be getting out of here soon. Then I went to church and stayed all day and didnt get home until Midnight. It was my Pastors anniversary and church anniversary. So all the big time gospel artists were there. Smokie is so short! Monday I went to work tired and looked at new jobs and learned I am being jipped at my low paying job because I saw another agency paying double my salary for the same position. WTF, Im getting out! Then my ignorant ass co_workers(literally) so uneducated walking around there acting like total assholes. Grow up! No one has done shit to yo punk faggot ass nor does anyone care about you being upset. They call themselves trying to intimidate us with higher positions but I aint scared. Go get a degree then holla at me. Acting like you have no class or couthe about yourself. I went back to church that night and didnt get out until midnight and Tuesday morning was a murderer, I was simply running on carbohydrates and barrowed time. Then I had to go to my other job and couldnt wait to get home. I recieved texts from numerous people some I should have ignored. I was in bed early and happy about it. Got up and went to work this morning to look at this 60 year old man act a damn fool about nothing that concerns any of us. Now the work environment is turning into a more hostile, harrassing, imtimidating work environment. Once again GROW THE FUCK UP OLD MUTHAFUCKER! I hope he never decides in his heart to come for me cause imma shut and shoot him down. So me being the smart ass I am pulls out the policy manual about harrassment, creating a hostile work environment and defamation of character of employees. Then I xerox it for his dumb ass and highlighted and sat it at the table where he sits to showhim im smarter than you and if you keep fucking with us we gone get you.

We have it all but LACK COMMITMENT

Why is it that when you shoot people down they get mad? Well that’s what I have been getting the last few days. I’m like what the hell? I know everyone hates rejection but damn. Am I supposed to Have with you just because you want it. The other day this Puerta Rifer hit me up trying to set up a meet and greet and I was like naw I cant do it. He was like ok lets chat for a while and then set it up. Hell Naw! I’ll pass for now. He got mad saying yo dick probably trash anyway. What? I’m thinking~! Don’t hit me up again he continues to carry on all irate. I could care less especially since he hit me up and I didn’t hit him up first. I started to be ignorant and say keep yo diseases to yourself, but I politely erased him off my list and moved on. Then the other people who try so hard and I tell them no. They try different attempts at trying to lure me in, like I’m desperate. No need to try cause I ain’t gone fall for it and they must know that if I didn’t hit them up then I most def ain’t interested. So my ex is really trying to weasel his way back into my life. Now its how is your day going and have a safe trip home. Am I bothering you? I mean he is sending texts and emailing me really trying to get on my good side. Why is it that when were together I couldn’t get phone calls, text, or emails for that matter. Uhm, maybe he is thinking I lost a good man. Well he did! But today he blew when he emailed me today and asked me “r u sure u just didnt want to see if u could still get it?” Get what Nigga. I’m saying to myself I’m as interested in you as I am the stray animals in my neighborhood. I replied back “I am sure that I didnt want to see if I could still get it. Its not a matter of me being able to get it because I know I can have just about anyone I want. Im young, thick, attractive, good head on his shoulder.. All the man anyone could want. Anyways, You must want some dick? “ That shut him up. Now on to the subject matter! Cash and Co-worker keep being on me about being in a relationship with Dekalb. They both keep telling me that he is my man when in fact he is not. Both of them on a daily basis tell me that we’re together and that we need to stop playing games. Ok its like this I love him a whole lot and he doesn’t want to be with me for whatever reason(s). Our relationship is weird for us not to be together. Like we used to have sex quite regularly, we buy things for one another and spend time with one another. I used to drive up to his school every weekend just about to see him. That gas, miles on my ride, and those hellish tolls. Also, let one of us do something then we’re mad as hell at each other. If I am somewhere and he feels threatened watch out here comes 21 questions a minute. SO there is proof he likes me. We have a perfect relationship all that’s lacking is the commitment for whatever reason(s). But needless to say I am in single and not with him. Is it possible to be in a relationship with no commitment? No matter how hard I try to move On I just cant. But maybe one day someone else will when my hard and then I’ll be able to move on. But it’s the weekend and it seems I got a long weekend ahead of me. So Ill holla when I get a chance.

Mean As Hell- NOT

Last night my ex finally made his way to my house at about 10:40, I was mad because I told him that I had to work this morning. He kept blaming it on his cousin saying he taking to long in Lincoln Mall. I must have been born yesterday because to my knowledge the mall closes at 9pm. He was probably doing his favorite past time smoking reefer, LOL. Anyway he arrives in his bat mobile. This old ragedy car that I could smell the oil burning when I hit the front door. Im like hurry and get that piece of shit from in front of my house. Hell if he didnt wake up my aunt the car was going too. LOL. He was like ride with me to drop off my cousin and I was scared, Im not stuck up or anything but I was scared to ride in this car. I kept thinking I hope I got enough for bus fare. I couldnt see out the window and I could hear air blowing. I was going crazy but shut up Maurice at least he got a ride thats paid for. LOL.. Personally i'd rather pay a car note each month. So we came back and chilled and he was talking and I was tired im like is it time for you to go home. We're not going to have nor am going to let you touch me smelling like a ziplock bag full of weed. Besides that your my ex and imma keep it like that. Niggas think they can run game but not on me. He told me"Your mean as hell," and I told him well you made me this way now get out. It was 1 something then and I had to be up at six. "Your mean as hell,"Lately thats what I been hearing from people. I hear it from Cash, Co-worker, Dolton, Dekalb1, and others who are not important enough to name. I am not mean at all, Im actually one of the nicest people you could ever meet. If you call me i'll be there, if you need something and I got it, Ill give it to you. I've even let you get away with stuff. Im a social worker and I have genuine love for everyone. But When is enough, ENOUGH? When I become the evil bitch that I can become it is because someone has angered me, did something to me, or simply hurt me which in turn the true Gemini I am strikes back and gets them. But then its too late and Im not going to stop being mean until I am good and ready and to be honest thats almost never. My feelings at times are very fragile and if you break one then im mad and then im a bitch until you apologize or im over it. Im learning to get over stuff much quicker than I used to. Now I tend to separate myself from the situation at hand and simply ask that they lose my number and never contact me again. Why is it that when you tell someone to never call you again its like they're number gets embedded in your head? Like starbucks and Dekalb2, I know one and recognize the other when dialed. Hell I was going through my voicemails and heard messages I saved from him and I was like oh wow! Now I think I will go to bed now cause im tired AS HELL.Co-worker sends me this message and it touched my whole heart. "Oh Maurice, the flowers are beautiful, I can not tell you how I feel. I am totally humbled by the words. I thought about our friendship just today and wondered why i love you so unselfishly and why you came onto my life, guess ILL never know. Love You Much, Thank You and God Grant YOU much Favor !!!" I love her to death and really miss her at work. I cant wait until she is healed by his stripes and comes back to work. My life just aint the same since she be Gone.

Struggles

In my attempt yesterday to stay awake throughout the day i somehow managed to hurt my knee in the process. I was hoping along all day on my leg. The couple nights prior I had not slept well and was not in the best mood anyway. But I came home and chilled.. Did some laundry, hey I sleep in the basement. I was so hungry and couldnt find anything to eat. I tried eating a can of soup with the juice poured off and replaced with water. That didnt feel me up then I tried some steamed mixed vegetables that went straight in the garbage for tasting freezer burned. Then came Oatmeal with nothing in it, YUCK! I starved basically. lIm dieting and this ISH aint no fun. Any and everything that I want I cant have so I sit and fantasize about them. I aint tripping tho cause I lost weight and hell im down 4 pants sizes almost into 6. My struggle now is to remain on this diet until my birthday which is in May. My plan is to be down to a 36(38-40 now), back down in a XL shirt(only a XXL now thats balloning on me) and be slim all summer. Last night I was so tired that I was in bed by 10pm and I was glad for it. So I woke up early this and actually left for work on time seeing as tho Ive been leaving at 735 every morning and barely making it to work on time. On my way to work I scooped up 76th street and took him downtown with me. I dropped him off at his bus stop and went on my way. I worked and chilled all day. Chatted with some new people and worked even harder. I got off of work and went to my second job which totally sucked. Then I came back home and steamed some brocolli florets for dinner. Then I took a shower and chatted online to some peeps from all across the way. Then I looked at my phone, LOW and Behold, Dekalb2 was calling me. I didnt answer but he didnt leave a message either good cause I aint calling him back. My ex from a long time ago got back in contact with me and wants to come and see me.
What should I let him do?
Leave him be!
Let him come see me!
Let him come see me and Have!

Its about time

I know the time has come for me to move out of my aunts house. It has come to the point where I go and stay gone for hours and days at a time. I don’t know but she must think I am a child because she goes into my room and snoops through my stuff and I ain’t feeling that at all. Then to think she is not even discreet about doing so. Like this weekend she went in my room and got something out of my room that didn’t belong to her. Then I had a box of rubbers sitting on my monitor. I guess she didn’t like that so she took them and sat them on my desk. I was like what gives her the right to mind my business. Then she does not wash the dishes anymore. Like I was gone pretty much all weekend and came home to a sink full of dishes. They gone sit there until she does them because I didn’t make them so they won’t be getting done. I’ll do my best to stay out the house until I can move. Then this crappy ass job of mine that I got to come to everyday. I work for a multi million dollar company who has hella money rolling in and they act as if it’s going to hurt them to give us a raise. With the way things are, rising costs in everything, and the small amount of money I make. The only thing I can do is look for some other employment elsewhere. Gas is going back up, our health insurance went back up, Our co-pays went up and hell even my car insurance went up. DAMN, I don’t make enough money to do anything I want/need to do. Hell I need to file bankruptcy and get rid of everything then move the hell out of that house. But I shant complain because the GOD I serve is a provider, a deliverer, and is more than sufficient enough for me. Next thing to tackle is my life. Over the last six months I’ve evolved and accepted things as though they are. Last night I took my car to the dealer and to get an oil change and my headlight replaced. The service manager a white guy is fine as hell. I tried to pry him for information leading up to his tea. LOL… He caught on to what I was doing and started laughing and so did I. Uhm……..!!!! Then my girl Dolton was trying to come over and get bust down. I was not in the mood for that so in so many words I told her no. She just wasn’t making sense to me either. Like she gone say come pick me and I’ll spend the night and then Ill take you to work in the morning. WTF? I don’t need anyone to take me to work and what a waste of gas seeing as though my car is a V6 and burns hella gas. So that’s Downtown for rush hour and then back to the burbs where she lives then back downtown and back to the burbs. Hell naw not on the $35 my car just took! I love her to death but sometimes she needs to accept things as tho they are. Besides she got a car and don’t need me to pick her and what about her boyfriend? Don’t make me the rebound man! I was extremely tired and still is right now because I have not slept well for the last couple days. Dekalb kept me up last night talking and telling me I always go to sleep on him so I had to stay up and talk to him. I guess I will start doing better and staying up talking to him. This morning I was like can I get another 30 minutes so I decided to get up do what I had to, get dressed, and then go back to sleep until it was time for me to leave for work! I couldn’t even do that for I was lethargic and wasn’t moving much faster than a snail. LOL. Half the day is over and I’m going home and go to bed.

Weekend update

I spent the majority of my day at the hospital with my friend who ended up delivering the baby 2 months premature. The baby only weighed 2.5 lbs and will staying in the hospital for a couple months. After that I left and came home to chill until co-worker and I went to Walmart which was a trip in itsself. Of course Walmart was there to flirt with me, this time he tried to keep it under wraps because I was with co-worker. But she is not stupid all the while we was sitting there he was staring me up up and down. LOL.. Such a joke! Something I noticed this time about him, a ring on the ring finger! Oh wow! Well I was next in line and he was making small talk with me as if people were oblivious to the fact that he was making passes at me. No one is that stupid! So he leans next to the counter and whispered to me "I want to see it and meet me in the bathroom when I finish ringing out these customers." LOL, I burst out in laughter! I told my co-worker what he said so she told me I was grown and i can make decisions on my own. I decided to go in the bathroom and see what he wanted. Big Mistake! Immediately he was like take it out. I was like hell naw! I aint on no meet and greets! I was trying to talk to him and he was so interested in seeing what was in my pants. I was like are you married? Yes, I am. Shawty aint about to commit adultery with me. He wanted to see it, so I showed it to him and tried to walk out the bathroom. He stood in my way trying to touch me and ask me can he bang me? He said "I am verse and like to hit to," I told him his problem and not mine cause Im a top and I aint interested in anyone fucking me. I told him I cant mess with him like that because he is married and that leaves no room for me to get with him cause he belongs to someone else and he could never commit to me. Then me and Co-worker went to eat and to see Madea. Thats my girl(literally). I went to church and went to eat in chinatown with Atlanta.

Back...

I know I been M.I.A for the last few weeks. First I erased my blog then I decided to bring it back and just change the name. Over the last couple weeks I went something that some would call a metamorphosis or others would call simply crazy. Either way its me! But I am glad to be back in the blogging world to express my thoughts and act crazy because not having my outlet probably made me more crazy! Since I been gone I picked up a couple new habits such as going to my co-workers house(whom I might add is in her 50's) like everyday and staying for long hours at a time. She hates her house and I love it. It is like I am a peace and in my safe haven while I am there. Everytime I leave there I am in a better mind frame and at peace with whats going on in my life. Have you ever met someone who is determined to make others lives unhappy? Well I think I found the person. This person I dont care whats going on he will come to me with something to make me mad. But now I remember why I stopped talking to him in the first place. But overall I have gained control of my life and I am happy for it. Now I need to stop driving the hell out of that car. Hell I have put 3000 miles on it already and I only had it a month. Last night Cash and I rode up to Dekalb(NIU) to a black choir concert. It was descent except of the fact the SIUE and NIU choirs were extra ghetto fantabulous. LOL... I was like what the hell? But it was some time when the HOLY SPIRIT came right on in and shut the whole place down. STRAIGHT going under. After that I went to see Dekalb1. The three of us went to eat and then Cash and I left. I talked to Dekalb all the way back home until I went to sleep. Then I am awoken by a phone call from a long time friend we will call Neighbor who told me she was in labor and the baby is 2 months premature. Its probably her faught but now im on my way up there now.