Resolutions and Such

I FIRST WANT TO WISH OF ALL YOU A HAPPY NEW YEAR! Wow, I know I have not written a blog in about 2 or 3 weeks but I did not have the energy to do so. Then my school wanted to start this one class early and get it over with so I have also been taking this one class so I get done earlier. During all of this I have to say that I have some truly wonderful friends... Special thanks to my close friends: KING LOUIS, Tooroyal, Cash, Dalilbbrown, Debbie, Ms. Kornbread, Charlie, Datsexynig,longshot, and suburbanboi and 360 friends: Daryl, Will, Identity Warfare, and the rest of yall. You guys have been there for me to encourage me and keep lifted up.
My Christmas HOLIDAY was GREAT! I got basically everything I wanted plus some... Damn, I got 5 old navy gifts cards, other gift cards,shirts, underware, and other stuff. I have not done much but chill. Yesterday I went out of town to bury my cousin and then I realized then my Grandma just needs someone to talk to. We talked all the way there and back, I never realized what good friends we are. Its funny how your here one day and gone the next. I have lost 2 loved ones in the short 2 weeks ive been gone off 360. I lost one cousin and we buried him Saturday before last and then the next Saturday his son died and the following we buried him. Its sad!
Now I must go and finish scrubbing this house cause my Granny always taught me to never bring the NEW Year in with a Dirty house. Besides alll my friends are coming over for this party I didnt know I was having. Before the new year begins, I must purge myself of all the things that held me back. All of the people who are no good in my life. I must now leave those things in 2006 and incorporate and new and positive people in my life.
In 2007 my goals include :
a. Getting a 4.0 in school
b. Getting a new car
c. Buying some property
d. Staying more active in the gym and doing what my personal trainer tells me to do
e. Living my life to its fullest since when I die, I cant enjoy it anymore
f. spending as much time with my family and friends as I can.
What are some of things you want to work on for the NEW YEAR

On Another Note!

Im the one with the problem, I see it. IM CRAZY. Im crazy for loving others and didnt get loved back. Im crazy for treating others like royalty only to be turned around and shitted on. Here I took care of this man. I cooked and I cleaned up after him. I washed his clothes, I woke him up in the morning and helped with schoolwork. I'm crazy for not leaving a long time ago. Surely someone would else have appreciated me more or maybe I would have been fine being myself. LOVE IS REAL and I will never lose the real love I ever had. Love in my own definition is the deep feelings for someone and you connect spiritually. Love is intimacy, love is life, love is focus and attention. LOVE HURTS and it makes you do crazy things. Like I said im crazy for loving someone that didnt love and respect me back.

The question keeps surfacing why did yall break up? Well i was accused of being addicted to sex and cheating with my best friend. WTF? I will tell everyone I am not addicted to sex nor did I cheat with my best friend and I will not go into detail cause I am not out here to make him seem like a bad person.

On another note, I was accepted into Graduate school and will begin classes on Next semester for my MHA(Masters in Health Administration). I should have been done with it but I didnt go to school directly after completing undergrad. Also, my PT job is giving me clients again so I will be quite busy and wont have time to think about what aint going right in my life. Ill be pretty busy this weekend with Me having to go shopping, getting my hair retwisted, a funeral, Dalilbbrown Birthday Lunch and then my jobs christmas party where I will more than likely be sloppy drunk off my ass.. LOL... Pray for me.

whats been up in my world

Nothing much has changed im still pretty much depressed and now im sulking. To further agitate my depression my BF kicked my ass to the fucking curb! WOW! I aint gone lie I was upset and angry at the same time but me being who I am would not let anyone know that I was hurt. Deep down inside. I wanted to fall out and scream because I love him. I LOVE HIM DEARLY. I never meant to hurt him in whatever way I did but I wanted him to appreciate me for being who I was to him. I wanted to feel loved and wanted and he couldnt do it. I considered myself to be a good man, but he saw differently. I never once cheated on him because my love for him wouldnt let and I learned to cope with our problems. But maybe its what I truly wanted because at times I felt crowded and other times I felt used. I ran him away with my attitudes and the chatting with various people on adam4adam which was nothing but pure entertainment for me. I never once met anyone off there nor have I done anything with anyone. Most of my attitudes was because I wanted love, affection, intimacy, and attention from him. Now I sit here and sulk in my own self pity. It has put me into a state of withdrawal and bitterness. I keep my phone powered off 85% of the time now. Hell I havent talked to my best friends "The Royal Family." Cash and Dalilbbrown came to kick down my down cause I wouldnt let them in. You would think that by me hiding my car and not answering the door they would go away and let me drink my bacardi in peace. No, they beat on the windows, rang the doorbell, knocked on the door and talked outside my door, "open the door, we know you in there." Finally I opened it and they finished decorating my tree and took me to get something to eat.
Ive been going through separation anxiety from him not being there. Life has been different with him not laying in bed with me at night kicking me and leaving the tv on at night waking me up. I dont get up in the morning and when I get out the shower saying "babe get up, its time for work or come on before we're late for work. No one is helping me to bring in my groceries or bring in the laundry after I did it. No one is helping me to decide whats for dinner. Its all different for me since I had became acclamated to him being there quite often. LIFE GOES ON I know but it hurts now. As of today we have not spoken in 5 days. I can say I have grown up cause the old me would have jumped on the opportunity to FUCK all the boys down in Chicago but suprisingly I havent and I have not touched adam4adam since he has been gone. Next time im online at home I might as well delete it since all people want to do is have me to come and FUCK their brains out anyway.
Thanks for the hugs and words of encouragement during this tough time. I'm better and im alive. I just been planning and trying to negotiate rental car prices between the companies. They are fuckin crazy thinking some wants to pay $5o0 dollar for a fucking weekend. Hell I can get a flight, room, and rental for that much. And All of them are stunts. Ill keep looking until its time for us to leave. Me and Cash are leaving Chicago on the 11th to get to Tooroyal and Datsexynig and we should arrive early Friday morning.

Persecution

Today is world AIDS Day, and I would like to commemorate part of my blog to those who have lost their lives to the disease and to people who battle with it today. Personally I lost a cousin to it about 5 years ago and she was not GAY so it goes to show you that AIDS does not see a Sex, An Orientation, Race, or person when it strikes it strikes simple as that. I know a few people living with the disease now and it doesnt change the way I feel about them as a person in fact I love them more. I guess it to much more to say than TO PROTECT YOURSELF, WRAP IT UP, and have regular screenings.

I have been accused of Persecution and once again I am hear to stand trial and the bloggers are the jury. Your Honor, what are the charges? Persecution! Your honor persecution is defined as the constant mistreatment of a person by another person. I have not done such a thing. I have only defended myself(rolls to several blog comments). As I present my evidence to you and the jury I want you to hear me out and show you that I did everything in my power to be left alone. What is a man to do when he is feeling threatened? Just as you trap anything living and moving organism in a corner, they will strike and attack. Your honor The Plantiff have persecuted have many times have attempted to persecute me, destroy me, slander, alienate and tare me down to nothing. I have been scorned, harrassed, and is they could probably beat me. I dont suffer from low self esteem thats why I have been able withstand without breaking. Yet in still Your honor this person portrays themselve to be the victim when in all actuallity they are the Victor who comes like a Corporate theif or the Grinch to still others joy with his negative comments and ways. Your honor, being that I am human and I have my short comings.. Overall I am a nice and wonderful person and anyone that has ever taking the time to get to know me can attest to it.

There are many causes of why people feel they are persecuted. Many of which were provoked by them. Why should a person be able to do what they want to someone? Why should a person be able to say what they want. (This part of the blog is OMMITTED, but if you want to know what it says hit me up)I am not here to slander anyone, press charges for false accusations, or file a motion for a restraining order against the said individual but to plead my case and prove to the courts that I am an innocent man. Bloggers you are the Jury how do I plead?