HAPPY 25TH Birthday to me

HAPPY 25th BIRTHDAY TO ME! Today is like any other day, but today has a special meaning to me. Its my 25th birthday, this is special monumental birthday. I have lived ironically 1/4 of my life, if I live by the bible I only have 45 more years promised to me, and I crossed over into a new age range. I just thank GOD for allowing me to see another year because I should have been dead when..... and ...... and but of course ............. LORD I truly thank you for what you have done. Im waiting on Statefarm to do a reduction in my insurance premium by 30%.

Transition from LIFE TO LIFE

**Listening too** BLESS YOUR NAME BY: Apostle Donald Alfred

Saturday turned out to be a day of many events. First I went to the hospital with and chilled with my grandma who at that time was alert and letting us know she was trying to recover. I left there and went to get the car washed, get My boo, and pick up Cash. We all then rolled out to a picnic that we had been invited too. We stayed there for a while and then went to my moms house to set up for this birthday party that they were having for me and my sister on Sunday. We left there, I dropped Cash off, and me and baby went home after picking up some Harold's and Bacardi. We eat our food and got drunk and then........... We woke up and I took him home while I ran to the hospital to check on my grandma. Today was not as good as the the previous 48 hours. I then realized that GOD was ready for her to come home with him. Nothing to seemed to be right and it boiled down to it that her body was preparing to die and her soul to exit her body. Her body temperature was 34 and the Blood pressure was 60/40 and she was not responding to me. I stayed a little longer and accepted it as what it was. I then went to my mom's house for the best 25th birthday party(Although it was 2 days early cause its May 23rd) I could imagine having. All my close friends were there and my man. Thanks Cash for the Gift, oh believe me it will be used. I had to thank my mom, grandma, and my moms husband because it was really great. The food was good to me at least and the 26 bottles of alcohol that we drank before we left. Ill admit the whole party was fucked up including Cash and I. I dont know how I made it home but Im glad I made it there safely. About 3am this morning the phone rang and I knew then that GOD called her home.. I refused to answer the phone because I was scared to hear what they would say on the other end. I listened to the message and it confirmed exactly what I thought.. She was GONE! I screamed with grief on the inside. It really bothered me so bad that I could not sleep for the rest of the night. I was so sluggish trying to get out the house this morning. I was late for work and everything. I didnt care cause I should have stayed home.. So now im sitting here feeling like throwing up and crying on the inside.. PRAY FOR ME.. Ill come to work tommorow but then Ill take the rest of the week off and spend some time with my dad..

**Rest In Peace** Odessie Brown Smith 7/6/1928 to 5/22/2006

REST IN PEACE

Today totally not being one of the best days of my life. My started at about 6am when I got up and took my shower and got ready for work.. I knew when I got up something was not right because I had that " " In my stomach.. I cant even explain it. I made it about half the way to work and my phone rang.. It was my Aunt Kathy...telling me the my grandma is really sick. Im like whats going on? " Well basically to some it up your grandma had some kind of heart ailment and was not expected to live.. I needed to come to the hospital and say my goodbyes while she was still living." So I continued on to work. As soon as I walked through the door... I began to break down.. All i could do was sign in and run to my office because I was not able to do anything else. All of a sudden I could hear swarms of people in my office talking to me and handing me tissue.. but I didnt know what was going on because I was out of it... Finally I calmed down and went to the Hospital.. I walked in the room to find my grandma in a coma..on a respirator and not responding to stimuli of any kind. I talked to the Nurses and doctors... and they told me she was breathing only because of the respirator and that it was nothing else that they could do for her. I knew already that she had made her transition on Tuesday night when it happened. Im really hurt...and sad. I have never experienced death this close to me. I been a mess all day and trying to deal with it. Ive been crying all day and Im trying to make it. As of today our family has not given the authorization to remove the respirator but we plan to do it in the next couple days. Pray with me and for me while I am going through all of this because it is a really trying time for me.

Im his child

What a long weekend and I am glad that is it over. After I got off work I talked to one of my"I dont know what to call him" and we had a long talk about somethings that have been going on. I ended the conversation by saying we can be friends and we need to sit down and talk. Friday night Cash and I attended one of our friends Graduation party which was cool. His friend whose supposedly " straight" showe d his ass and the fact that he is family indeed. LOL.. He had never been to boystown so we took him up there. I looked up and realized that niggah was switching, snatching, and poppin up and down N. Halsted Street. At one point he crossed the street and did a spin for us. LOL.. We then we went in Roscoe's and got some watered down ass drinks.. WTF, its 2 something in the morning and I could care less. These boys walked past us and said "They're boys" LOL... he says HONEY COME and GET IT.. WTF... all of us who are "Family" aint say shit and here this "STraight" man talking shit.. WHAT AN EVENING! My baby was drunk and called me talking shit.. Damn I was tired and i was like ok baby. Saturday I went to my Sisters graduation, picked up my client, and then went to eat with my family. After that I picked up My baby and came home and I hit the bed immediately. Boy was I tired! I got up in the middle of the night to find a disturbing IM from Co-worker.. telling me she doesnt approve of my lifestyle. She went on to tell me" ... what ever you do with your personal life is your business. It is not up to me to dictate what your preferences are. I dont like what you do this is true cause its offensive to our Lord and its putting your life and your health in jeapordy....." I didnt know what to do.. I was in a state of shock! Here this is someone I tell all my inner most secrets too and now to find out she dont want to hear that shit really tore me up inside. Sunday being Mothers day.. I went out to my moms/grandmas after I dropped my baby off. I even went to see my dads mom who I had not seen in a while. She did not seem to be doing to well. And finally after 24yr 356 days I finally had the approval of my father. He finally claimed as his.. This made me happy and overjoyed...

I have really Fucked it up now.

Its Over and its all my fault! I was determined to make it work but turns out when the pressure is on me I fold and give in to temptation. I have really fucked it up! I have an addiction I cant control and someone needs to help me get control over it. Im so addicted that I cant stop and one just doesnt do it for me. I started with trying one, then another, and so on. Damn! I feel so bad right now. All the time vested and its all going down the drain. I like em milk chocolate to dark chocolate with an occasional white chocolate thrown in there . I like the ones that are thick, there is nothing better than a thick, chocolate......... UHMmmmm.. All I got to say is that Im sorry for wasting time and money. Look at everyone reading this thinking like Damn Maurice done lost it and is a hoe cheating on his guy like that. GET YOUR MINDS out the gutter! Never will I mess around on him. But what I fucked up is my weight loss plan. I have an addiction to sugar! I love cookies, cakes, and pies.. especially cookies. Chocolate chip and Oatmeal raisin. I've been stressed and that was always my comfort food during stressful situations so I folded under pressure and started eating the shit again now I cant stop. I have not been to Bally's in about a week wasting my damn money. Im going to have to get my ass in gear. I was going to try and stay away from it until my birthday but there are too many birthdays and holidays in between. Hell the majority of my family is bunched into two months. My Dad, Uncle, Grandma, grandfather, Godmother, co-workers, sister, and then mine Fall from April 15th until May 23rd. I will have to stop eating it before I gain all of it back.. I am noticing it already cause my ass is getting FAT AGAIN, which I dont mind cause it was the first to go away when I first started losing weight. But now stomach is getting bigger and I aint liking that one bit... I need to increase my cardio, sexercise, and divorce them damn cookies,cakes, and pies! I need some motivation does anyone want to help me?

Baby Dont Worry BOUT THEM

Its been a while since I hit the blog. So many thing have happened that I aint gone discuss but I am glad to be in the land of the living. Right now my financial situation is horrible and I wish it was so much better.. Pretty soon it will all get better, I will be moved by June 1, and Ill have more money. I know my current living situation will change cause I cant live with my aunt any longer. Friday night I went out to dinner with my boo and we had a chance to discuss some more issues that we were. Im really loving this communication thing that I am able to express myself with such clarity instead of holding it back. I took my client to Hollywood Park and he damn near killed me. My body is really showing me that I am getting older. Early saturday morning I got up at 5:30 and made my way down to my Alma Mata to see my children graduate. I felt old as hell when they said all EASTERN ILLINOIS UNIVERSITY ALUMNI please stand! I was like DAMN im old as FUCK! Also, my old roommate, ex best friend, and lil/big brother graduated. It actually hurt me so much to see him.. I had not seen him in months and were not on the best of terms right now.. But it was finally closure on my life for I knew that Saturday was going to be the last time I'd ever see or talk to him again. Enough about that! So Saturday my aunt calls me and I didnt answer cause I was at the graduation. Then she calls my granny and tell her that I came in the house at 330 and left at 530. She need to get her times right cause I was at home at 12 something and I didnt leave until a quarter til 6. I was extremely tired the whole way back that I came in and jumped right in the bed. My aunts grandson was over and he was running back and forth ove r my head.. Im like dammit so I got up and took a shower. She then asked me did I know that I had not slept in the last couple of days. Im like yeah I know but whats it to you. So this makes it the third time this week that she has overstepped her boundaries. First it was earlier this week at 645am she was asking me why did I park MY CAR across the street. Does she have a life? Then she wanted me to do something as she sees that im walking out the door. Finally I made to the Pizza parlor to have dinner with Cash. Sunday I went to a graduation party for my daughter and thats when all the hell broke lose. Turns out one of the guys there is friends with my ex.. So the whole time he was checking out my GUY and then went back to my ex and made up this bullshit ass lie talking about he is ugly and basically he is a hott mess... WTF! I actually think my man is quite GOOD LOOKING and sexy. I wouldnt have it any other way. Today we took our clients to U.S. Cellular Field today on a job tour.


Very nice! On my way to work... I get a text from my ex The A telling me about what his busted ass friend said about my guy. Im like all you fags are entitled to your opinions but I know he looks good. In all actuality he looks better than him and his punk ass friend. I LOVE him and IT dont matter what anyone says or how he looks.. I'll love him anyway because I am an UNCONDITIONAL lover. Whatever way you are when I get you is how I accept you and even if you deviate from it, my mind wont be changed. SO BABY CHEER UP! Chill out and hurry home so I can make it all better. I was saddened to find out that a member of my choir when I was in college passed away.. She was young and then to top it off my grandfather has Prostrate cancer and there is nothing they can do. ITs gone be a long night.

MY SPECIALTY

I can be such a bitch at times! The new me is a lethal bitch.. I just tell you how I feel and fuck you after that. I specialize in letting my words come at your ass like a double edged sword that go through and cut your ass up and leave you to die and before you die I spit my venom on your lifeless ass body signifying that you dont mean shit to me. I specialize in letting you know your the scum of the earth, its my duty to keep the world clean. I specialize in ridding the world of such pestilence! Damn, I finally got rid of this bitch. -M.Maurice Caples

Today has been one of those days....I know Ill make it through. Holla at yall later.

I dont want you!

Well the weekend has come and gone. I did not spend any time with my boo. At first I was a little angry but then I got over it cause he had things to do. I joined Balley's on this past weekend and has been working out at least one hour a day. It is my plan to be down some more by my 25th birthday. Saturday I spent my day in Indiana with my family. My grandmothers birthday was Sunday so i was running around Indiana trying to find gifts, cards, and cakes for her. Im so glad that she is not hard to please cause i was trying to hurry and get from that part of Indiana. Sunday I did my regular routine of church and then Sunday evening I had to have a long talk with my boo. I believe now we have an understanding. I know that communication is the key to a sucessful relationship, but when I get angry I tend to withdraw and communication is the last thing on my mind. But after coaching I believe I open up and begin to talk. Monday morning, I get up for work and started sneezing.. OH WHAT THE HELL?? So this went on all day. I get off work and I have the hardest time trying to leave my job for the abundance of Immigrants walking up and down the street. I am not trying to offend anyone who is hispanic... but they cant drive nor can they cross the streets right. DAMN it end your damn protest when people are not getting off work. Bad enough traffic already sucks ass in Chicago now to add to the traffic, thousands of *******,*******, and ***** all in the damn way delaying us even further. I worked both jobs sneezing and snotting all day. After I got off I went up to Dekalb to take my boo back to school. I ended up staying the night since it was so late. We didnt want to disrespect his STR8 roommate so I slept in the bed and he slept on the floor. The white cunt or his dizzy ass girlfriend didnt say shit to me as if I wasnt sitting there.. finally he spoke.. She went back to her room and I guess they were talking shit about via IM. I left at 6:30 Tuesday mornning thinking I would make it to work by 8, not even, I made it around 9. LATE! whatever! Finally he sends me a text message telling me he was going to beat his roommates ass. Of course we all know why. He was talking shit about me spending the night up there. "He felt weird sleeping in the room with a gay man" WTF thats the same GAY man you have been sleeping in the room with since August. Furthermore, your white, skinny, scrawny, and dirty which has never been my type you blond haired blue eyed Devil. I should have slept on the floor with my boo and really made him mad. I was like next time I go up there Imma str8 check shawty and him to keep my name out his mouth for he catch a black fist in his mouth. I got HAY FEVER so now im really irritated by the constant itching of my throat, eyes, and ears. Im tired of blowing my nose and I want it to hurry and past. Damn, has anyone noticed that gas is high as fuck. I remember when I could fill up my car on $25 and it took me $41 dollars to fill up(SCREAMING). Quick Question: If I were your friend and I went out with someone that you have you want nothing to do with and could care less about this person, do you think it is wrong of me to tell you that I just went out with Subject A? Well it happened to me.. I didnt get angry or upset but I couldnt fathom the idea of why would someone tell me that information when they know how I feel about the other person. But maybe its just me overreacting. Happy Birthday to my boy from the ATL, PJ, he turned 19 today. Today Im taking it easy, I didnt go to work this morning. I simply basked under the influence of allergy medicine. Im on my way to the other office to submit my consultant notes and mileage for the month. Also to pick up any new cases that Ill be assigned for MAY.