What's Your Best Quality?

Maurice, your best quality shines through in how Determined you are.

The fact that you're a person with a strong will who is typically determined to follow through on difficult demands and meet important goals really draws people to you! But that's not the only thing. Your answers on the test indicate you're a funny person who is likely known for your great sense of humor. You are a smart person who is more able to understand complex concepts than many other people are, too.In all, there are 15 qualities that help define you when you're at your best. Those are the traits potential employers, friends, and partners look for in you. What makes you unique is your particular distribution of those 15 qualities.We've found that your particular combination of qualities is rare — only 1 in 10,000 people share the same general mix of traits. Those are great odds if you're trying to show a potential employer, colleague, friend, or date why you're exactly the right person for them.

Learn from your mistakes the first time

Today was the day that I realized that you don't tell your "Friends" anything about your personal life or anything else that you dont want the world to know. Last night I hung with some friends and nothing really went down. This morning I talked to EIU and he wanted to know why he didnt recieve a phone call. So I told him some things and left it at that. About an hour goes by. I got out the shower and came to a missed called and a voicemail. I listened to the voicemail and basically it was a voicemail cursing me out for sharing the information that went down last night. At that point I remembered why I kept my fucking business to myself and why I didnt talk to certain people about shit that didnt concern them at all. I was so fucking furious that I fucking screamed and remembered thats why I have no close friends. I was so mad all i could do was to sit and think. Then I called EIU to ask why he running his fucking mouth again. Of course he did no wrong, BULL FUCKING SHIT, he is the only one I held a conversation with so who else could it be. I was getting even more furious at the fact that he was trying to deny any of it that I hung up the phone. Then I began to see RED in my pupils... representing the hate I held towards the people who intentionally try to ruin my life. Then to top that off this third and fourth party information had been passed from EIU to Cash and then to other person that was involved. I get another from voicemail from this person. Who is mad at me and has every right to be. I called him and all I could was Im sorry for saying what went on at your house. He wasnt trying to hear it. FINE, I want to thank everyone involved for helping to make someone dislike me. Then I hear the story as it has passed from mouth and everybody putting their twist on it. Of course (fag shit), the story was totally wrong and basically someone lied to sum it up. SOMEONE IS A FUCKING LIAR and it wasnt me. I dont know why I even thought that I could start telling EIU shit seeing as tho I had a run in this summer with him for once again telling something that I told him. Just as I thought i was getting my friendship circle back in a 360 someone goes and fucks it all up and making it a semi circle. I texted him and let him know it was all good and that I saw what type of people I dealt with. With seeing that, I like my life the way it is.. in solitude away from people. You know i'll keep my shit to myself that way THE FAGS(you know who you are) dont have to call me a drama queen. I also let him know I dont fuck with him like that NO MORE. His reasoning is that "expressed genuine concern with a mutual friend for A FRIEND. BULLSHIT.... besides being nosey and spreading/ starting shit like he did he aint expressed shit to me. My answer to him was that if I wanted to share it with him then I would have and I dont need anyone to verify, check up, or see who the fuck I was with. Thats bullshit and I have every right to be angry. He wished me a Happy New Year, I told him dont wish me shit, to stop talking to me, and to have a GOOD DAY. I was done with it all. I was still raging so I went and got me a big ass top shelf margarita and I feel so much better now. I will spend my news year weekend like I had it planned... With my drink in my hand and in my bed. I aint going to the clubs cause i dont feel like no bullshit since everyone had to run their mouths and put their twists on things. Im going Paint balling now..Oh, and you tell me now why my unforgiven hearts still exists. Ill Holla

Unforgiven Heart continued

Ok, I woke up and went the bathroom to take care of myself. Then I came back and poured me another glass of Zinfindel. Damn... Am I becoming an alcoholic or am I going through something. But I was way to fucked up to even think, to finish this earlier this morning. But now my thoughts are clear. I have a very unforgiven heart. Things have happened to me and I just cant seem to shake them off. No matter how hard I try to forget some of these things I cant let them go. It is a too a point now where I dont even want to associate with people anymore. I cant take anymore heart ache. And Im not going to let someone stomp on my heart again. The bible says we should forgive and forget... I can forgive when someone has apologized.. I can apologize when I am wrong.. But I cant forget what someone has done to me. And it affects my relationship with that person for fear that they may do it to me again. Right now I know I aint going no where for New Years eve but to church and back home cause I dont want to possibly run into some people while I am or even see them for that matter. I called my co-worker this morning and I talked to her for a long time to express my feelings. Simply I am unhappy in my dealings with others. I dont think I make a great friend since everyone seems to have a complaint about my friendship. Then I am not happy with my"friends" for why should have a " "ship if their is always a problem. I'm tired and I am not taking it into the new year with me. Im almost sure I will be ending whats left of a few friendships before the new year hits. I think Im done venting now as I pour myself another glass of Zinfindel. Damn.. Im running out! Ok back.. Im thinking that running from your problems aint gone solve them and they will resurface. Might as well get them solved!

An Unforgiven Heart

I should have known from the moment I got up @ 730 that it was going to be a not so good day. I got up and took the garbage to the alley and talked to my aunt. I didnt want to hear some of it but I listened. Then I started to clean and pack my room. Then I sat down at the computer and chatted with different people. Starbucks... he is something else.... why even play with me... I have gotten the picture that he doesnt want to be with me. My hair is a problem... so he says... Thats not the real reason just a cop out reason. I went to my co-workers house to fax some papers to my mortgage broker. I think next week I will be closing and can move. PRAISE HIM! I stayed over there for a while for I felt a little lonely. Then I went to Sauk Villages house. We went to the dealer to get all 3 cars serviced. My two and his one. That damn Taurus wouldnt start today and had to be towed in and the Accord got dropped off to be given a big ass Nissan Quest as a rental. Damn, I can do alot in there. But no one to test it out with. Then I went to take Dolton to grandma's house. Can you believe it I talked to Winthrop for what seemed like hours. We covered a lot of base and I even shared some things with him. Maybe one day my severed friendship circle will be repaired. Then again maybe it wont. Dekalb pt 2 wanted me to come and see him. I went.. We sat in front of his house and talked. The nigga fucking calls me crazy... He is just as crazy. He gets out the van and goes into this and says follow me over here to this house. I tell him I didnt fucking drive out here to go to someone elses house. So he could go and be messy. Here is where my mood went from up to down in a matter of seconds. I followed him over there and the whole time while I was following him the shit came back to me. Your still angry deep down inside. I really am... and I need not carry it into the new year for it will follow me all year long. Deep down inside I had HATE in my heart against at least about 5 people. We were sitting there in the van...and I was in another world... he kept trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I just stared at him! Do I hate him too? My mood continued to go down hill until I was depressed. I put him out the van cause I wanted to be alone and tired of him cursing at me like I was some convalescent.. I was so fucking discomboblulated(I think thats how its spelled) that I took a wrong turn and ended up in a city 2 or 3 cities over from his. I busted a U when I realized I was fucking up. I finally found my way home. Damn, a 20 min ride turned into a fucking 1 and a half hour ride. I was really having a moment.. I called my friend... he didnt answer... I called another friend he didnt answer... I finally found Subway and he talked me on in. He helped to cheer me with laughter. Then one of the people I called me back. I talked him while I was sipping on my White Zinfindel. I looked up and I had drunk 3/4 of the bottle was fucked up. Now this is me waking at 4am. Drunk as hell. Damn fully dressed, all the lights on, and computer screen on. I cut this shit off and im going back to bed.

A day of Mourning

Yesterday... I dont even want to talk about it. I was driving my other car and the fucker stopped on me. Sounds like he is a little jealous since I had no drove him since April. He can act up all he wants and I will be trading his ass in. I talked to Starbucks finally today cause I had not talked to him since Saturday. Basically I found out today is that he hates my hair. :((::::. So he told me he has some adjusting to do. I hope he adjusts. Today I got a text from Dolton saying PLEASE PRAY!! Ah Shit... whats going on now!! I call her and she was ecstatic and told me she would call me back. That scared me to death! I hung up and called her about 5 minutes later and demanded that she tell me what was going on. She told me her grandma got put on a ventilator today and the doctors said that it was nothing else they could do. DAMN!! So i got up and put on my clothes and ran to the hospital. As I was walking into the hospital I was greeted by her father saying "SHE GONE." I looked at him like what, "Momma gone" I wanted to break down and cry. I went and found Dolton, the whole family was in mourning. The social worker, death counselor kicked in. I grabbed the tissue box and went to hugging everyone and passing out tissue to everyone. Then I sat next to here and laid her head on my shoulder to console her. When she calmed down, I found out that she passed as I was walking through the door. Them damn trains on 95th. I stayed at the Hospital for hours. Then I left and came to my Friend Alsips house to watch Noah's Arc. I love it! More later. BTW, Dekalb pt2 texted me and asked could we fuck. Hell naw!

4 day weekend Recap

Starting on Thursday, I went to work. I planned on finishing my work for the year and returning in 2006(yes were off for abour 10 days) with an empty desk. Needless to say it didnt happen. We were running around there passing out gifts. Oh my LORD, the old people love me to death. They sent me home with a trunk full of stuff. What my family didnt buy me they did. Then they sent me to the liquor store to get some drinks. I came back and they catered for us as an APPRECIATION to us for all of our hard work. Yes it was good as I was getting messed up all day. When we got off we were all tipsy, and I took a bottle home with me. I took everyone in the car home with me. Then I went to sprint to have my phone book swapped. This hoe gone tell 15$, I was like give me my phone back and activate this one hoe. LOL. Pissed me off. Then I took my car to Honda to get an oil change. I was still tipsy, so I began to argue with the service man cause he was telling me that my transmission fluid needed to be changed. Why is it that I have a relatively new car and the fluid needs to be changed already. That presents a problem my man. "Well sir it is 2 years old" Well thats why it shouldnt need it. I then tell him it was a certified USED Honda in which all these should have been done prior to my purchasing. In fact it was... To make a a long story short... Im getting a new Transmission sometime this week. Later that night I went to starbucks to sleep and cuddle with him.
Friday, we woke up, showered, and went to meet Cash for lunch. Then we went and got my irrate sister as she got in the car and cursed some more. They were laughing at my baby, Im used to it but it was funny. We couldnt find nothing that we wanted so we ended the spree and went home. I dropped everyone off and went back to Starbucks. I left his house to shower and get some clothes. I went back and spent the night again............
Saturday, the male testerone came out so then we wrestled, charged one another, all the little male games. We talked and I went on my way ( I think I ran him away). I went shopping down by his house for what seemed hours, Ok It was. Then I left shopping and went to my granny house where i stayed until what seemed like eternity. I know it was early Christmas morning. They pleaded with me for me to stay. I was sleeping in the bed with someone i couldnt cuddle with and that meant none of them. Besides I hadnt slept in my bed in a few days.
Sunday, I got up and went to Church, this had to be the first church service I ever went to in life. It was fairly descent, but whats funny to me, if that Paster Patterson never mentions Homosexuality at all and he doesnt have a big congregation of them. I left there and went to see my other grandma, she lost weight and didnt seem to be doing to well. I kept asking her whats going on. Ok, I got an answer and I was satisfied with that answer. Then I went to see my jerk, who is home from Germany. I was happy to see her. No up the point where I spent Christmas with my family. It was a great family gathering. THANK YOU GOD!!

Merry Christmas

With this year end fast approaching I just want to take time to thank God for this year. In the prayer I led my family's Christmas dinner with... I thanked him for 2005, which was not a great year for many of us, but I thanked him for 2006, a year of change, a year of prosperity, a year of Family, Just a year of great things. Personally, the groundwork for me in 2006 has been laid. I will have my own place, Friends, and most importantly my family. I may that on Today, that everyones Christmas be filled with joy, peace, love, and most importantly Family. God was good to me this christmas holiday. This is actually one of the best Christmas Ive had since I was a shawty. My family bought me so many gifts I dont even have a place to put them. My mother showed out the most when she bought me everything I needed, wanted, and desired. My granny picked up where she left off. When I move into my condo next week. There will not be one thing that I will need, but for me to move in and get some food. Im actually tired now... MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

I shall recover it all

Everyone that reads my blog knows that 2005 has been a very rough year for me and im looking forward to a better more prosperous year for me and my friends. God has sent me through many trials and tribulations this year only to make me stronger in which it has. Been through it this year, The Devil surely has a plan to destroy me, made me think I was nothing and even used those close me to make me feel even worse. I have lost friends and we came back together. I have been through things that made me want to just die and leave this earth. Many of my friends lost their loved ones and I was there for them as much as I could be. I am thankful to have all of my loved ones. But Im still here. THANK YA! Upon entering into 2006, The Great Things that God has promised me have already started to get in place. All it took was for me to humble myself and he fixed it for me. In place and I claim all these things in Jesus name and aint no devil in hell gone stop me from going forth. In place... a home to call my own, A man who im actually feeling, Friends, A car, a good job,a great church, and most importantly my Family and my Salvation. Today, I was very busy at work. Out of the corner of my eye, I spot a familiar face. It is none other than Winthrop. I was not expecting him and surely was not expecting the gift that I recieved from him. I was in total Ahhh! Actually I was glad to see him but my pride wouldnt let him know it. After work, I went to see my friend Alsip, who just came home from the Hospital. She works for the cable company and I saw my first episode of Noah's arc. It is great! Me and my baby(Starbucks) are spending time together tonight. Im overjoyed. Me and Dekalb part 2 talked to tonight and it is officially over. Im glad so I really can move forward and focus on him. Plans to do before the end of the year, make up with Winthrop, figure out and work through the issues I have with twin, and make it official between me and Starbucks. Stay Tuned!!

Weekend Review

Thursday, I awake to two emails confirming my lunch date that was scheduled. I decide not to answer them until I get to work. I did that and called to confirm this lunch date. I must admit I was very uneasy about the whole situation. He called me back and we held this long conversation. Totally violating company policy. Im impressed over the phone and actually is able to relax. I leave work to go and have lunch with Starbucks. I tell my boss that I have take care of some business regarding my condo. I arrive at his job to find the parking lot full so he has to come down. He takes me in his jobs parking lot. First impressions, immediately I was attracted to him. Thick,Chocolate, and attractive just the way i like them. Something about him reminded(looks, build, complexion,etc) me of my ex THE A. This officially let me know I was over him because I didnt drive off or hit him. LOL, just kidding. We walked to another building and had lunch. Lunch was pretty good, but i could not look him dead in the face. We talked and agreed to talk some more. I made my observations of him took mental note and said lets go I got get back to work... Already a half an hour late. I get back to work and play it off like aint nothing went on. I got off work at 4 and went to go and see my mortgage broker. Here I signed my loan papers... and paid the money for the appraisal. Damn, cost to much money to buy property. I was overjoyed and sad at the same time. I just signed my life away. I stopped by to see Restaurant, he was trying to be sexually aggressive with me and I wasnt having it so I told him to get out my car and ill holla. Then I stopped by to See Subway. We sat in the car and laughed until I put him out too. I came home and got ready for work. Then talked to Starbucks for like 3 hours until I was so tired I couldnt talk no more. I got to work and all of a sudden my voicemail goes off, 3 new messages. Damn Sprint, phone never rang. I got this message from Dekalb pt2, cursing me out like I was some cunt. I texted him and asked him what the hell was his problem. I worked all day and later that night came home put up the tree and went to the Christmas concert my church was having. I had fun and there were some nice looking specimen in the concert! I talked to Starbucks all the way to the house and of course for hours more. I got up at 7 and took my sister's car to the tint shop to get the film fixed that she managed to tear up. Leave it to woman! I decided to take care of what I had to take care. I got my shoes from the shop, gased up Skyy, went to lunch with my sister, met up with Dolton at my house, and Got the car washed. Then we went back to the house and washed my hair for the Christmas party my job was hosting. I sent her home to get dressed while I took a nap. Boy was I tired, but tired for the good of possibly finding someone I could be happy with. I got up at 5:15 and started getting dressed. I headed out the door to get my guests..a co-worker of mine and Dolton. We arrived at 7:40, only 10 mins late. I had no intention on staying til the end, simply I was tired and I planned to go and chill with Starbucks. Needless to say I had fun and stayed all night. I danced with all the older woman thats employed here. They were all over the young boy cock. LOL, its only 2 young men who work for the whole agency. They accused me of dancing all freaky with the woman. LOL.. I won an American Express gift card and got to speak to the whole agency. I clowned all night, and did a extra twerk when I knew all the old fags were looking. We left there and I dropped everyone off then I talked to Starbucks all night. Also, this night I asked Dekalb pt2 to go to church with me since he claimed he wanted to spend time with me. He refused making up all kinds of excuses. Well that means he doesnt want to see me then. It's over! I talked to Starbucks again all night until 4 then I got up at 9 am to get ready for church. Dolton called me to tell me I was being used at the Christmas party the night before. She told me I like old woman and that I danced all night with the woman from my job. "You like old woman and boys", her exact words. LOL, so what? I like everyone. I visited Just Christ Ministries to hear my boy speak. It was freezing cold in that church so me and the Dr left to go to Destiny. We arrived on time for a change. Pastor Patterson was on Vacation and he had a guest speaker from Bishop T.D. Jakes church. She was descent but kept on taking up offerings. We went back to church later than evening and when I left. I came home to get ready for work and hang out with Starbucks. My aunt would not go to bed so I could get him in. He picked me up and we went to Starbucks(thats all he talks about) he got his drink bought me a Hot chocolate. Im loving it! We sat in his car and chilled and drunk our drinks. I was tired so I told him to take me home. My aunt was still up so he didnt come in. He sat in his car and talked to me until she went to bed. HOW ROMANTIC, this man will make a nigga fall head over heels. Finally i got her to go to bed. He snuck in and came to my room. I was like take it off and go to bed. Yes, I let him spend the night. I held him all night......Literally.... we kissed and cuddled.... Until I woke up the next morning and got ready for work. Monday, I let him out the front door and I walk around the patio so I could get my ride out the garage. I pull out the car port and pulled next to his car and told him to have a nice day. Im impressed... I think we have a winner. And we talk all the time. Stay Tuned.....

The last week Friday through Wednesday

Well starting from last friday my work day was ok. I went shopping with my co-worker after work and we had so much fun. Whoever thought spending time with a 53year old would be so fun. Later that night when I got home, I pulled out the pitcher and made me a pitcher of Jose Cuervo and Tequila. I got hella drunk. Saturday I went shopping with another co-worker. We sat down to have lunch and she in a round about way asked me was I? I told her no, She said "I was just wondering because I cant figure you out." LOL, whatever.. I am not to be figured out. Me and Dekalb pt2 had a real good exchange of words on this day. He is crazy! I told him him that he is a crazy psychotic Bitchy fag and to erase my number. I guess it was a joke cause continued to call and decided we should work on our differences. Worth a shot. We went into Walmart, there was this Light skin man whole was flirting extra extra hard with me. We did the complete stare down for what seemed like eternity. He was afraid to say something to me maybe because I was with my co-worker and he was str8 on the D.L. which was cool because I was D.L. Trade. LOL. For what seemed like hours we did the stare down (yes, you can stay in Walmart for hours). He even left his work station to follow me around the store to continue to stare and smile at me. Finally, im like whassup Niggah? He had some customers.. so we stared. I sent my co-worker on a wild goose chase so I could see what was up. I walked up the Cashier and leaned over the counter and asked him whassup with Shawty back there? He looked like he didnt understand what I was talking about. "Is he down"? Still acting dumbfounded... I said "Niggah your family and I clocked yo tea, so lets not play the games, whassup with him? He said he is supposed to be str8, "Oh yeah"! Well I dont think so, we been doing the stare down and smiling for over an hour now. I left my number with him to give to him. Later that evening we went to one of our co-workers house. We ended up staying over there for hours as we were getting drunk. Two days in the row of getting lit. Sunday, I went to church at Destiny Worship Center, Pastor Patterson delivered a good message and besides that he got me together. I was being rebellious to the spirit, when I knew I was supposed to join the church. I walked up to put my offering in and he called me up in the pulpit and told me to shake his hand. NO!!! he did not just single me out. Me and the Dr. went to see my family and to eat. Then we went back to church for broadcast, here is when I became a member of Destiny Worship Center. I was so happy for my decision because I had been searching and was still not pleased Until I found this church. Now, as I embark on a new journey to being closer to the father... Im glad this church was my choice for I believe I can grow here. Me and Dekalb pt 2, started talking now. This is hard and is going to be difficult because we dont get alone all that great. Monday was any other day. Tuesday, I called off sick, I was not feeling good at all. I slept all day, it was the best sleep I had gotten in a long time. I called Dekalb pt 1 cause I had not heard from in over a week and I knew he was here. He answered sounding of a crazed maniac, Now you call me! Im like why havent you called me? He claims he doesnt know it and that it got erased out of his phone. I wondered who in the hell did He think he was talking to. He knew my number by heart and still knows it. Then he began to tell me about the devil messing with him and talking to him. Im like what the hell is going on with him. If you dont want me to call then say so. Talking about GAME playing. He doesnt have to worry about me calling him no more. Anyway im moving on. Later that night Dekalb pt 2 and his friend came to my house. He wants to use me for my body! Everytime we see one another sex is our driving force. LOL.. although we have not had sex yet we have come close to it. He gave me head, but thats it.. So we have not had penetration. LOL. Well he sends his friend to my bathroom while he got freaky with me. WTF, I wouldnt have went anywhere. She went in there anyway. We freaked for a while and I was ready to bang him but he is scared of me for some reason. I sucked his nipples and on his neck and rubbed his thang and his hole. Then......................................... and .................... Well he was screaming in ectasy. His friend said he sounded like a horse. LOL, well he got his but I aint get mine. Wednesday I went back to work and it was any other normal day. A lunch date was set up for me with a Friend ill call STARBUCKS. I shall tell in my next entry how that goes.

Being Comfortable being me and U accepting me

Over the couple of days I have not been up to much. Basically I just been relaxing, listening to Dekalb pt2 act a fool about our non existent relationship/friendship. I have been talking to a new person we'll call SIU. Siu is cool, 23, a college grad, in school, and a virgin. WOW!! This will be the first time i've ever encountered a virgin but it will give me a chance a to teach him some of the things that i've been taught over the years. Please Add Dekalb pt2 to your prayers he lost his grandfather on yesterday. So much death is around me. EIU lost his aunt on Monday, and Naperville who lost his dad on Friday, he will be cremated sometime today! Last night was crazy at my house because the pipes froze in the bath tub or stopped working. Either way I had to take a ghetto shower and pour water over myself. But I got to keep the goodies fresh and clean. When I get home tonight and they are still not working then I will be spending the night at Atlantas house again for the second time this week. I just realized that today made 2 months since I had intercourse. WOW!! Hey I prayed for control over my flesh and thats what I got. Right now Im in the this time management seminar. Writing blog after blog for later post. But the LORD knows I need to be in someones time management class. I am always forgetting someone, something, overbooking, and a whole bunch of other mis managed time.
Over the last few days I realized that their are some people on this earth who have some serious problems with me for no reason at all or whatever their reasoning is. But instead of coming with their issues that would rather walk around with their attitudes. I am comfortable being me and if anyone doesnt like it then they can hit the bricks. I am an outgoing person who likes to have fun. Also, I am a very outspoken and I say whats on my mind not caring if your hurt or not. Basically I dont sugar coat nothing for you and I tell you how it is. Recently, I just stopped saying things to people to cut down on the confusion. I know me and I know what I do. I dont need anyone telling me I do anything and just cause I said I dont do something that doesnt mean I've never tried it, simply it means its not something that I do on an everyday basis. Im tired of accomodating/compromising for people to change myself; so from now on Im going to be me. HATE ME OR LOVE ME is what I say!! I continue to say it over and over again that no one is perfect, NO ONE! In order to know the true me... I'm a complex person, not a little complex, very very complex. Im an average guy! Everything about me is average... At times I am hard to get along with, but thats what sets me aside from everyone. But we all cant be the same thats what makes us all different. It is my belief that if you care enough about a person, then then problems that you have with that person will be talked over and worked out. Right now at the present time I have NO BEST FRIENDS... because....... I got a couple friends I hang out with, associates I talk too, and a few people in which I deal with on a day to day basis but they hold no real position in my life. Im also single right now, for many reasons: trying to make others happy, running people away, not being happy with certain people, and simply not being happy with myself. Then I got people in my life who are just mean, they dont want me, but dont want to see me happy with anyone else. So they play with my emotions to keep you from moving on. There are so many of these people in my life that im tired of. And if they all could be true to me and themselves we could all have a better relationship or maybe no dealings at all with one. Separated with NO HARD FEELINGS. Im done venting Now!

What im looking for Exactly

What I am exactly looking for in a lover 1. is willing to commit to me and 2. accept me for who I am. Ill admit I am a complex person and hard to get along with. But when a person is a complex person just like me that makes our relationship stronger. I want someone to be able to love me outside of the bedroom and that sex is not going to be an important part in our relationship. I have got my flesh under control then you should have yours under control too. Also we MUST share some of the same values: Religion, family, friends, kicking it, and eating. To not be scared to be around my friends or to kick it with us in general.. And nothing turns me off more than a Insecure man. What the hell you insecure about? My motto is if you take care of home by means of emotional, phychological, and physical supports then he will not stray from home. If I am with someone and the sex is not all that great, being realistic.. not many of us can be satisfied sexually. I will not stray to be satisfied elsewhere if all the criteria are met. I have not cheated on anyone in the past. Question: Why is it that your man cant go anywhere without you going with him? Yall were not born together or joined at the hip so there should be some times when he can go out with the boys and not be tracked/stalked down because you want to know his whereabouts and what he is doing at all times. Im a social worker and once I sense insecurity in someone I basically i am done with them and we have nothing else to discuss.
Physically I am attracted to dark thicker men and when I used to really be into woman before I starting really dating men.. I used to love bright skin, thick women and most of them had pretty eyes. Right now I only have one lady in my life right now whom is light bright and thick. But the men I have dated, at least 80% have been dark men at least a 36 waist. There is nothing great to me than a coco thick man especially when he got a nice booty and a nice bird too so I can look at, play with, and maybe put in my mouth. But their can be exceptions.... Because I was in love with this puerto rican who no where close to being chocolate.. but he was thick. Then their have been light skin thick brothers I messed with and also the skinny light and dark brothers I have messed with too. Im learning to stop being such a selfish lover and participate in the fore play part of sex. I really used to have a problem with uncut penises but not so much anymore.. and ill get to the point when I start wanting to put them in my mouth. I am not hung up on looks but I aint going to date the worst looking person in the world. I have my standards and my hang ups just as any other man. Thats Why I am SINGLE AS HELL right.

Why have I been so blind?

I forgot to ask that Everyone Pray for my Best Friend EIU, he lost his Aunt on yesterday and of course Naperville with the loss of his father. LETS KEEP THEM BOTH LIFTED UP IN PRAYER!!! Yesterday was one of those days. It seemed like everything I touched, thought about, or wished could happen all seemed to fail on yesterday. I almost got depressed but I immediately start praying for GOD's covering and instantly I felt better so I took everything that was bothering me and put it in his hands and I wont worry about it. Satan used diffetrent strategies to keep me blinded about many things concerning me. It took many years for me to realize my self worth. That im actually someone! Also to realize that I am attractive and im a good man. At a very young age I got somethings going fotr myself. I dont have to settle for less and shouldnt have to lower my standards to find happiness. But I really must be blind because on yesterday I found somethings out yesterday that blew me through a loop. This guy named Crandon told me he has always found me attractive and wanted to get with me. He wants to show me "THE TRUTH" whatever that is. I then asked him why he never hollered or at least asked one of his friends to hook me up. His reasoning is that I was with one of his friends when we used to date a while back and we are still good friends. Also, that his other friend actually liked me too. WOW, what a triangle. His friend as I call him Sauk Village used to talk about me to him,etc. Why was I so blind to see it? Now this is a person I actually liked and wanted to get something started with. He is 24 and has a lot going for his self like me. Thick like I em. I dont know why I was so blind to see it and if he would have ever gave me the inkling that he was remotely interested in me I would have immediately started dating him. Well in my pursuit to find me a lover. what exactly am I looking for... Ill save that for a post later this evening I shall be staying home. Well last night I went up North to Atlanta's house and we went to get dinner. While out Dekalb Part2 calls me. Now he says I am confused... He is the confused one.. He says not to call him anymore but he calls me. What kind of game does he protray me to be. I spent the night at Atlantas house. Im still celibate... Aint had none since Oct 8th and still going strong. See thats whassup being able to lay in bed with someone and you guys not touch. I woke up and took me a nice little shower and got ready for work while he was showering and getting ready for work too. We left out together, pounded our Fists and went our separate ways. Thats all I am looking for is someone to care for me with my clothes on. Is that to much to ask for? Now im at work bored as hell.

Weekend Wrap Up

Friday night went without saying... The niggah(Dekalb Pt2) came over at 2am. He claims that he had something to do. At 2am there is nothing I care about but sleep. He came in and got in the bed with me. I was not thinking about him cause I was tired. The next thing I know was he was taking all his clothes off and trying to take my clothes off. All I remember is him telling me that I smelled good. He started sucking my cock and then other things happened. I was ready to hit but he was to scared. So I let it go! He went home and treated me like a piece of meat. I was ready to make it official between us, but then he said it, were moving to fast. Thats what I wanted to hear but not really. Saturday, I did nothing but lay around. I told Dekalb pt1 that I was talking to part 2 and he got mad. I dont know what for.. he doesnt want me. Now all of sudden he wants me... I texted throughout the day with Naperville, he is still not doing to well and he wants to drink.. PRAY FOR HIS FAMILY AS I HAVE BEEN FOR IT IS A MAJOR LOSS FOR THEM. Later that evening I went to hair Dressers house with Twin and kmart. The air was bad.... We went to Club Spin and I had a great time. Surprisingly, I danced with other people other than the ones I came with. THANKS HAIR DRESSER FOR THE DRINK. It was this one guy I was dancing with, he was so fine that I meant to get his or give him my number. But I was tipsy and just didnt think about it. I was knocked out on the way home.. Sunday came and I went to two churches. I went to one church on the westside which was the biggest joke of the century. I laughed through out service and top it off, I was an hour and a half late. I didnt miss a thing. I couldnt take it no more so i got up and left. I went and got Atlanta, so me, him, and the Dr. went to Destiny Worship center. I was tired so i dropped him off and took my end home for bed. I talked to Naperville and im glad to hear he was in better spirits. RIP DADDY CAMPBELL. Dekalb part2 called me and asked me to come to his house... I said no so he hung up on me. That was the first and the last time he will have a chance. I went to sleep. This morning I wake to missed calls, private calls, and texts from him. He is done with me.. for how long this time? Im going to Atlanta's house tonight... more to come

Me

Everybody Knows:You can't be all things to all people.You can't do all things at once.You can't do all things equally well.You can't do all things better than everyone else.Your humanity is showing just like everyone else's.You have to find out who you are, and be that.You have to decide what comes first, and do that.You have to discover your strengths, and use them.You have to learn not to compete with others,Because no one else is in the contest of *being you*.You will have learned to accept your own uniqueness.You will have learned to set prioritiesand make decisions.You will have learned to live with your limitations.You will have learned to give yourselfthe respect that is due.And you will be a most vital mortal.
Dare To Believe:That you are a wonderful, unique person.That you are a once-in-all-history event.That it's more than a right, it's your duty to be who you are.That life is not a problem to solve, but a gift to cherish.And you'll be able to stay one up on what used to get you down.

Friday.....

First thanking God for allowing me to see another Friday. Last night I was talking to Dekalb pt1 and he made me realize one thing about him. He likes to play games and that he truly doesnt like me. He trying to play games with me AS IF I AM SOME dumb cunt. Im so over it and I hope he realizes that he just the opportunity to be with a good man, thats going somewhere, and looking for someone to grow with. Part 2 and I had our usual fight. We will be ok! I think that I will gone ahead and give a relationship with him a try because me and Dekalb pt1 will not be an item right now. I love him to death but I dont think he realizes it, or simply he just doesnt care. Work was ok, I was ready to go home since I walked through the door. They had me putting up christmas decorations, etc. What the fuck I look like? The traffic was absolutely horrible and it took me an hour and a half to get home. I was heated! I recieved a text from Winthrop telling me to call and check on Naperville. I knew immediately that something was wrong!!@@!!! Everyone please pray for my buddy Naperville,God sent the angels for his father on today. It seemed so close to home that I got upset and I never met the man a day in my life. But how ironic this is... God sent Naperville back into my life Monday in order for me to be a support system in his time of beaurevement. DJC, stay up and remember God loves you and so do I and if you need me for anything, Ill be there for you... whether its spiritually, emotionally, or a needed shoulder to cry on. I got your back!! Tonight I went out to eat with Twin and kmart. Winthrop carried on a little conversation with me, WOW!! Its all good tho. Dekalb pt 2 is on his way now... I talked/Sang to Atlanta while Im waiting on him.

Aids Awareness

Today was National Aids awareness day. This is truly something that needs to be recognized and brought forth. I made sure that it was taught to my clients. What I have to come to realize is that GOD shines his light on me everytime I step out of his glory to do my dirt he has kept me HIV negative. At a alarming rate people are being infected with this deadly disease all because of the negligence of the carriers of this deadly disease failing to disclose their status to those they are intimate with. Do these individuals realize that it is a felony to do that. Simply it is attempted murder, because you chose to end this persons life without their consent. "Current penalty for failing to inform a sexual partner about one's HIV status from five years to between five and 15 years. A person could face life in prison if he or she fails to notify a partner and that person then contracts." Thats really fucked up that in Chicago there are a lot of people who are with this disease and failing to disclose it with they are intimate with. In my experience, I was talking to someone who was infected, not once did he mention "oh BTW, im positive" nor does his A4A disclose such necessary information. Just recently I found out that this person was positive and I could do nothing but jump up and down and thank GOD for once again sparing me because I was never intimate with him, let alone touch him or allow him to touch me. Ill be the first to admit Im a human rights advocate, but I dont condone people doing that. This may be the main reason that Im not sexually active . Simply I refrain from sexual activities because I am afraid of death. People have no regard for LIFE. And I am not ready to die. People are going around sleeping with people when they know they got the PACKAGE OF MANY UNRETURNABLE GIFTS... and being negligent by not disclosing their status to us Negative folks. Now I am a person with a VERY VERY high sex drive but I am PROUD of the Fact that I can say I AM HIV NEGATIVE. My motto has been "Abstinence is the best precaution(living by it) and if you must have sex wrap it up. Another thing that I have found out is there are different strands of the HIV virus and even sleeping with someone who also has it is detrimental to your health. Try and live by the ABC's of AIDS prevention Abstain: Indisputably, abstaining from sex is the best way to avoid becoming infected.Be Faithful: If you choose to have sex, be monogamous - striving to limit your exposure and creating strong relationships.Use Condoms: when abstinence isn't an option for you, and you are not in a monogamous relationship, always use condoms. And even using condoms is not 100% safe. For more Information you can always Go to Centers For Disease Control.