Random thoughts

First I must say I am a lazy niggah. I slept most of last night but didnt want to get up this morning. I suppose I had a lot of things on my mind before I went to sleep. Today the big day for court, Ok, Im guilty. I leave work go down there and get on the bus, WOW. I aint been on a bus since I was High Shool. Turns out it wasnt even a court case. They tell me I got pay a fee to see a judge and im being sued. I say to the man, they are suing me, I aint suing them they should pay for this. He tells me something and Im like whatever whigga. Needless to say I didnt have a spare 123 dollars in my pocket, LOL. I got something for all of them...Bankruptcy lawyer contacted. FRESH START....Im keeping my Honda and Discover Card tho, LOL. I leave and walk around when I know I should be going back to work. MY GOD, there are so many fine, thick, and chocolate people Downtown, its time for me to tell them to move my office down some more. Im in the Loop and I need to be the actual downtown. Today is the end of October and and Im praying for a better November for I know that October was a trying month. The state police were out in full force this morning and this evening. I mean who are they going to get in traffic when we were driving less than 5mph. Wasting the tax payers money. My commute home was the worst I had ever encountered. It took me a whole hour and some to get home. Between the rain and the stupid drivers it tok forever. Dolton came over once I got home, of course she wanted to fight so we did. I beat that ass and sent her on her way.

I talked too...

I talked to my first today and he was telling me about how he was single and etc. Sure, me too. Then he throws the hint at me telling by telling me he tried to get back with someone but that someone dont want him. I know he was talking about me. He is attractive, and a gemini enough said. But the problems we had are cause he is a habitual liar...Just while we were talking he was telling me lies, talking about he had bought a new car....Im a good listener, and I hear him catching himself up in his lies. Damn, thats the reason why we aint together now... Should I give him another chance? When we dated, we were both young and immature and he was my first so I didnt know any better. Since I am single and have no one in my life, Im going to start contacting him and see what we can get going again. He claims to be single.

Time for Change

As time has been going on, Ive praying for a change to come about in my life. Well it is happening shortly but slowly. I've watched as I begin to humble myself more unto the LORD what he is doing for me.... Im a work in progress. WOW, I was in bed last night and got my extra of sleep but yet in still managed to be late for church today. I dont know whats the trouble in getting there on time when I live less than 5 blocks from my church. I dont like the choir, the praise team, or here lately Pastor hasnt been his best. But I know I go late just because I dont want to hear them sing and I think its alot of people in my church who think the way I do cause every Sunday we arrive at the same time. Today was not so bad, I only missed the Praise team and the choir was not so bad. During the Word, I was drifting into my own impure thoughts and not paying attention to the Pastor. That lets me know Its time for me to move on cause he should steadily hold my attention. Ive been visiting other churchs and I need to pick one. I went to my grannies house to see her. I ASK EVERYONE TO PRAY FOR MY MOM AND GRANDMOTHER FOR I know not whats going on...but something is wrong with both and they are not telling me something. I try to make them go to the Hospital but they wont. Actually its beginning to bother me, but the GOD I serve is giving me Peace over the situation. I talked to Twin Via text messaging, he is on his way home from his trip, I pray his traveling mercies back here and that he has a peace of mind while driving in the car with his slow driving parents. We were engaged in an indepth conversation about who should be in control when your in a relationship. I think I am an aggressive dominant top and sometimes I can be controlling but I guess when im dealing with a subservient person that happens. Then I talked to another person I know and we talked and he let me know he was lonely and that he only sleeps with people for companionship and it doesnt fix his loneliness problem. I tell him
Maurice: Awww, to be honest...when you feel like that....that means its time for you and the man upstairs to talk
Maurice: But like you said it does not solve the problem at hand...Cause when the nut is busted and washed away here comes the problems all over again
Maurice: I have been lonely for a while now and at times its troubling....and it leaves me in Dismay.....All I want is to find someone who will make me happy
Maurice: YEs, I know totally how you feel, many nights I have laid in my self pity...feeling sorry for myself. And I too have said it would be easy to pack up and move away....but the counselor intuition steps in and lets me know...the same problems are going to be there Maurice...so until you confront them str8 forward here...they will forever be around you
Maurice: And in order for me to find true happiness from someone else I need to find it in me first....
Maurice: But I know...Believe I know...I have been there and in a lot of cases I am still there. I have alot of growing to do....
I have grown alot, Well pray for me that I grow stronger and better. Also, I have to go to court tommorow, pray for favor over my case...Dolton tells me that I am seeking love....
Im going to bed....

A Day of Relaxation and Shoppin

I have not done anything today but Shop. I woke up late, and chatted online and one the phone then I hit the streets. I went to go see one of my exes and we'll call him 2 years, we layed in the bed and I played with his nipples until his dick got hard. HAHA, i stopped and got up and went and called Dekalb from his phone. He didnt answer but all of a sudden we got a private call I knew it was him. I guess we're stupid now. I call him from my phone and he answers, WOW!! he answers. See last night I told him we shouldnt talk anymore cause he was not ready to be with me. I am tired, just tired and need a change in my life. He told me he would call me at 9pm last night. No phone call, WOW!!! Still playing his fucking games I see. So I call him today and he still wants to play. Now here is the person who told me he wanted to be friends if nothing else. But yet in still he cant even do that right. Well he didnt want to talk to me anymore, I called and I left him a message to not call me anymore...and that I am tired of his fucking games, tired of his shadiness, and his overall demeanor, and that I would be erasing his number and for him not to call me ever again. after I hung up the phone I erased it. He called twice after that and I simply ignored his calls. I went on about my date...I went to Michigan City to go shopping I didnt see shit there I wanted but this one pair of Timbs. I came home and met up with my momma and brother. Today, I realized my mom is a fag hag. She thinks she knows it all, LOL. She then tells me about GAYDAR, LOL, what the hell does she know about some GADAR. We got some Chinese food and we chilled for the rest of the night.

Am I?

Upon sitting back and thinking about many different things I began to question myself? Why am I am mean. I thought about it cause people have made me that way and It makes me leave up a permanent defense mechanism. People act as if I am not a human. I breathe the same air that they breath, have the same red blood running through my body, and live my life as any other man born from the womb of a woman. Am I not supposed to have feelings? Am I not supposed to display signs melancholy when someone or something angers me? Am I not supposed to express myself and say what it is when something or someone has upset me? Am I not supposed to not talk to my friends about those many different things? I always thought that if nothing else your friends were someone you could depend on. But now I see thats not the case, instead when you do these things you are ostracized and made to seem to have a problem simply because you have the wrong perception of what your friends are for. All my life I have tried to be there for anyone and do anything someone asked me. I could always be counted on to do whatever it was.
This is a special friend who is very dear to me: All my life, I have always cared about others. I wanted to make people feel good about themselves. I would say things that they would want to hear, just to keep their spirits up. I would get such a thrill if I could make someone smile. When I first meet you I immediately saw the good in you and I wanted to get to know you more. As the days, weeks, and months went by you became a very special person to me. I began to grow a love for you that is unconditional and it won’t go away. You gave me the attention that I never had before. You made me feel that it is possible to be liked and even loved by someone other than a family member. It’s a certain feeling that I get when I am around you that I can’t explain. That’s why its hard for me to say things to you because I don’t want to hurt you. Like I said before, I always consider peoples feelings before I say anything negative or positive. Since its hard for me to say it then I will try to write it. I love you for who you are no matter what the situation or circumstance. I will always be here for you through thick and thin, good and bad, sickness and in health. Wait... Wait that almost sounds like marriage. Well, I am not trying to go there yet. When ever we would get together we would always have a good time, it didn’t have to be sex related. We would just enjoy each others company, I still do. We were closer then, than we are now. But back then, I just couldn’t understand why you would push me away when I got too close. I thought it was something wrong with me. I would often put on a front and say that I didn’t like you like that when I really did. I always played the tough role, I never wanted you to know or see me cry. Yeah it had hurt me when you told me about your DIPS, because I could never figure out what I was doing wrong to make you go to them. I understand now. Whenever you told me to do something or go somewhere with you I was/am there. Even right now today. If I am talking to someone on the phone and you call on the other line, I talk to you no matter who the person is. Being your friend has been such a blessing to me and don’t want to ever lose you. You taught me many things, like standing up for myself and how to be a better person. I know that you are going through many trials and tribulations. I wanted to let you know that it is only a test, and God will pull you through it. Friendship is a beautiful thing and when you have a true friend you know it. Many of your friends care deeply about you and would be devastated if you weren’t around. I know because I am one of them.
What is the value you place on Friendship? My Values? What I am seeking? Maybe I ask for to much or expect to much from people. I have always thought I was a pretty good judge of character when it come to people. But now before I call anyone my friend I will better examine and see what type of individual that I am dealing with. The next time I open my mouth to call some a friend I will first make sure we have some of the values and commonalities in our friendship because I've learned that it makes a friendship more stable.
Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary says that a friend is “one attached to another by affection or esteem”. I'm sure you'll agree with that definition, but there is so much more to add to it if you want to find friends that you can have a long lasting, mutually beneficial, relationship with. This is what I am seeking, and surprisingly enough I find these qualities in older woman. I guess they have been there and played the games that the young people play. Until Later if there is something else to add Ill add it.

Im staying in your will LORD

Just giving honor to God whose is the head of my life, and thanking him for his wonderful blessings. My prayer for this day is LORD is you to purify my thoughts & to rid me of impure dealings & to strip away burdens and loads off my shoulders. This morning Harriet Miers tells the person who horribly attempts to run this country to take back his nomination (I would never call him a president cause he is not a leader). I guess she saw the mess she was getting herself into. Now to me, I dont like the person I have become in the last five years. I am not the strong, caring, loving,happy person I used to be. Now im a unhappy(at leasts that what I been told), not loving, hateful, and angry person. It all came as people kept taking my kindness as a weakness. People are mean because people made them that way. I can say I act the way I act simply because people made me that way. But I dont treat everyone the same way. If you are nice to me then I will treat you and vice versa. But growing up me was not an easy task to accomplish and only the LORD knows what I have been through. I basically raised my siblings until we were placed in the system. I was the backbone of my family and kept us up and now I have turned into this emotional person. I guess it was my time to not be so hard........... You dont know like I know what GOD has done for me. But I do know who the next person to be erased out of life and it is going to be Dekalb, he intentionally tries to make me mad. My calls are going unanswered and there is always some sorry excuse as to why I was not called back. I GUESS NIGGAH. I dont care...dont talk to me. Then he is getting like the person I met him from. As I try to have no recollection of people and dont care what they say about me in their blog, he takes it a chance to step in and be messy and did you read "Winthrops" blog I say no and dont care to read it. HE tells me I need to read it. WOW!!! I mind my own business and yet in still I am running through their minds that they have to talk about me in their blog and say that they have won the victory...What Victory cause I didnt know I was fighting in a war. And I know I have my peace of mind(VICTORY) cause I aint still writing about him nor do I care he how he feels about me. But the victory was won when I ceased contact 3 weeks ago and never mentioned them again and they said something to me. "Why must we Continue...." Why must we continue to lie to our selfs. Why must we continue to slander, and put people down just because our life isn't what we hoped it would be." Uhm, this is what he had to say about.....Im truthful to myself and others for that matter. I have not attempted to slander GODs CREATURE, yet in still he tries to slander me and defame my character when he doesnt know me. And my life is way more than what I thought it would be. Coming from a family of poverty, alcoholism,drugs, and being a ward of the state, I think I have done pretty good at making me a pretty good person. People told me my whole life I would never amount to anything and now people still want to tell me I aint got nothing going for myself. Going through the many obstacles placed in my way I succeeded and proved a way to make liar out of any person on this earth. I am a college graduate, I have a good full time job, 2 newer cars, and just about every material possession I want. And those I dont have it is cause was not ready for me to have them yet. And soon to be going back to get my Master's. So why must GODs creature insist on disturbing me with feeble taunts to make me angry. It truly show how disorganized his life is. If this creature had great association with the people around him instead of stirring up choas in the lives of others, he and I would still be the best of friends like we were or whatever we had. And he would not feel the need to be boisterous and surely would not feel the need to decieve his lover everytime he is disloyal to their relationship. Now, I would like to be left alone and act like you dont exist. I am moving on to start a more productive, stress free, spiritual, and real friend filled life.
Now to something more important as I was browsing through others blogs I couldnt help but be ecstatic and overjoyed by this poem writing by Maya Angelou. Its about hurricane Katrina which has devastasted this country, check it out.

The Start of the NEW ME

This song has been on my heart, "Though the storms keep on raging in my life and sometimes its hard to tell the night from day still that hope thats lies within is reassured...But if the storms dont cease and if the winds keep on blowing in my life....I CAN SAY MY SOUL HAS BEEN ANCHORED IN THE LORD...... last night I went to sleep thanking GOD for the things that he has done in my life....And how wonderful it is....and for the people in my circle of support he has connected me with. And I thanked him for yesterday...What a wonderful day it was...but just for the trials and tribulations I encountered on yesterday. As we all know things happen for a reason...and we may never know why we went through it. But I do know We all reap what we sow so simply I could have done something similiar to someone and I reaped what I sowed into it. ONCE Again I thank you LORD!!! LORD AS YOUR HUMBLED CHILD, MAKE ME A NEW PERSON ON TODAY AND DAYS TO COME. I woke up this morning tired cause I couldnt sleep for being in pain. Finally, I overdosed on the pills and was able to go to sleep. I laid in bed until 6:35, totally not like me. Well I was getting ready for work....Many thoughts raced through my mind....One being why is it that US gay folks have so many issues? Why do we go through so much? Is their a such thing as a true friend? Is their really any love in the Lifestyle? And that their are some more people whom I need to rid myself of....LORD, please remove them without anymore drama.. Uhm, all this thinking caused me to leave 7 minutes late. I must admit I got some issues but who doesnt? Last time I checked there were no perfect people on Earth.... So why is it that whenever someone has a issue it causes a big uproar. A MESS!! I know PRAYER changes things.... and thats why I decided to put everything into GOD's hand for I know he knows whats best for me and the road ahead is always better. Its funny but I am being checked out at work by my boss and co-workers. My boss tell me yesterday that I look nice in my pants and they fit just right...I say what you say she says...I wish I were tall so my pants would fit like that. Ok, she is bird and cake watching. LOL..Then today my co-worker say to me your losing weight..I said thanks..She spanks me on the butt. Uhm...at least someone pays attention. LOL... Twin, I thank you for you Genuine friendship, I mean without you, I would have been a ship lost without a Sail. You are like my guardian angel, God connected us together to keep one another from harm and out of trouble. Ok, its time to go home...Stayed for this evening. Dolton is coming over...... My pudding...I love her alot...Someone answer this for me...Will I be able to leave the life so I can commit to her and be the man she wants me to be? I really dont see a future in the LIFE with all the drama it presents but who knows the right may come along soon...After work I wen to my old neighborhood...The people who bought our house, let me go through there house and look at the improvements that had been done. Then I went to visit my old neighbors.. it was nice being back in the Hood.. Then this niggah that Ill call Maxima drove past me and waved...HE is a married down brother who wanted to hook up with me..I dont know why we never did...I guess he was scared. Well I thought to myself uhm, let me give this another try. So I ripped a page out of my journal and jotted my name and number on a piece of paper and put it in his mailbox. I grew some balls today. Ok, so Im sitting here modifying my entry as she sits over here on the phone with a niggah. Aint that some S**T. Ill be alright Im sure. Song touching my heart right now is The Battle is the LORD's... This battle that I am trying to fight...I cant fight a battle I am not going to win so I'll give up and let him do what he has to do.....No matter what you happen to go through right now..It will only be a memory,...... no matter what comes, no matter what goes, GOD LOVES YOU.............and this battle is not yours and he needs a chance to prove to your enemies that he is GOD....Hold On dont give up..... This was all I needed to hear cause I kept listening to that portion of the song over and over again. IIght Ill holla tommorow and remember GOD LOVES YOU And so do I.

Bitches that start shit & the hoes that keep it up

So I talked to Dekalb last night and i think we worked it out...... And then on a rather sad note, we lost one of the pioneered in the civil rights movement...Rosa Parks....I was not even thought of back then but I am glad she did what she did to allow me to sit where I choose on public transportation although I dont ride it. What a way to go, Peacefully in your sleep, truly a homegoing of one of GODs children, shows MUCH FAVOR. I was hoping this was going to be a good day. None the less the Devil and His Children(will be named shortly), decided to be the demons that they are and block my attempts to have a wonderful day. I had to leave the job on some job related business...I get a text from Naperville(#1 lying ass Demon) saying, "U know what I read ur and it cool what u had to say i can not help that i was out trying to get me a car but it cool u dont ever have to talk to me"...I thought I told the bitch to never contact me again but I guess she didnt hear me the first time I typed..and must care that I dont want to talk to him cause he wasted energy and time to text me the bullshit. I know how to deal with people just like him....I replied.."The message was not recieved." And he too came to past..... Then I get back to the office and their is a IM from Winthrop(#2 Hypocrisy Demon) asking me all these if questions...Ok...I reply and thats when the shit hit the fan. This stupid bitch sends me an email talking shit to me...Keep in mind readers I have not talk to his stupid ass in approximately three weeks today and out of the blue he sends me an email talking shit(I'm glad to see that I was running through his head, cause I wasnt thinking about him), which I know he does to make me mad...cause he is one of those stupid as fags thats messy who must keep some shit UP.... We ended on pretty good terms...there was no bad air between us on my part..... but today that fucked all that was left and could be rekindled up. See Naperville and Winthrop are friends...two messy bitches if you ask me who like to start and keep up shit... I have never met anyone who for the hell of it starts fucking with people. Then he wants to recite shit to me in my blog....I dont need him to recite shit to me...I know what I said.. Then Of course Naperville made herself seem all innocent...Well the two of them need one another cause they both full of shit..MESSY... birds of a feather have always flocked together. Then to the ridiculous email I recieved.. Why did he waste his typing this...cause his failed attempts at trying to insult me, diagnose me, degrade, and aggravate....Were all blown off as something one of my clients would have said..But he did hit one thing on the head all except( I pretty much tried to be there for you. But I've realized that isn't what you want from me. Maybe you don't want anything from me, and I was just a person kept for your enjoyment. ) for the enjoyment part. I didnt get any enjoyment from him except when we would club.. Then, "Enough is enough of your mixed, confused, unhappy ass. For the past 3-4 years I have done none thing but try and be your friend, and constantly you have spit back in my face. I call you and ask how is your day going. I try and take a genuine interests in your life and try and get you to realize how good your life is. I've listened to you every time you talk about how the "life" and this hoe and this bitch has wronged you."...Hell he was part of the bitches who have wronged me....but he doesnt have to worry any longer.....about me....cause HE TOO HAVE PASSED JUST LIKE EVERY other cunt i have come across..... He makes it seem like he was such a great friend anyway. " If you wondering why (even though I'm sure you gonna say, I was the last person on your mind) I haven't called you it is because I'm tired of calling you to see how you doing, when you don't give a fuck about me. Its pretty fucked up that I have to hear from other people what's going on in your life, then when I call you none thing is up, none thing is new. It hurts Maurice and you don't even see it, realize it, or willing to admit, the hurt you bring to people. If you do the shit on purpose its not cute. If you do it to see how someone is going to take it, that's not hot." What would you do if everytime you told them something....they had to make snide remarks...or really not show any interest in what your talking about would you talk to them??? I wouldnt...Or everything else you say..the whole damn community knows before day break, I wouldnt tell him shit either. " Or if you do it because you still can't handle the fact that you a FAG that's your problem not mine, or any one else's. Oh to the contrary you are in denial right now, if you wasn't a confused fag you would have no problem being in a relationship. Also you wouldn't have to be in such a hiding with your family. One year you wouldn't be straight and then the next year bi and then the next year rushing your ass to all the gay clubs in hopes of getting some play. I am not a messy fag, I am a fag that has seen the light, and has learned that whom of which is called you is not worth the energy any longer. Its obvious that I’m still worth the energy because you still sending me shit. So if I'm not worth your energy then do yourself a favor stop writing me and say to your self once again. " Oh as it has become obvious to me..This person has a problem, doesnt know me at all, and needs to seek counsel. Ok in the past we all have went through the I aint gay stages....and that simply is in my past back when I was in college. IM out now... I am a not a fag nor do I plan on being one while I am still breathing air on this earth. Oh he makes it seem as if Ive never been in a relationship...I dated my ex for just about two years. But why would I trust being a relationship with someone I barely know...and then he doesnt know what relationship means himself... He has been dating his man for the couple years and all he do is cheat on him...I mean cheating after cheating...And he is one to tell someone about being scared to be in a relationship. When the right person comes along then I will be with someone, but in the mean time while their are hoes like him out there...lll be single.. And I guess Im supposed to be messy and GAY around my family...My family know who I am and what Im about...No need in broadcasting it. And then he is such a bright as person....First I was at college until December(all white school in the middle of no where), and then when I was in the club he dumb ass was right there with me. Such an imbecile... But none the less...When I stopped talking to the fucking Idiot this summer I should have left it at that. But his little E-mail and IM showed me if nothing else...we will forver be enemies and NEVER AGAIN anything not even an associate. He has been nothing but a headache to me since I started back talking to him and EVIL as hell....all things that are EVIL Shall be destoyed. Why must FAG drama find me....I dont seek it, nor desire it...But I guess when you deal with people of such low class and stature as a fag....You get what you bargained for....Now i hope I can have a Wonderful day.... but thanks to One person who has been able to cheer me, Thanks 35th for shedding some light on my situation....Maurice you've got alot of shit going for yourself, to be young, black and GAY. People are very envious of success. Most of these people dont put value on education, success and family. BUT as soon as someone obtains those things all of a sudden there mad at you.It's just too much. GAY people should be the poster board kids for PROZAC!!!!
But it was to do some FALL CLEANING anyway...so to hell with a lot of people and Hello to the new and Improved person I am looking for...And I can do now is ask the Holy Father to forgive me for I have sinned in the presence of you and your people....FORGIVE ME....I repent ....

Liars

There is nothing else in this world that I cant stand more than a liar. This weekend I realized that two people I associate myself with are habitual liars (liars of habitat). Dekalb and I talked last night before I went to bed. Yet instill, he is a liar and insists he has done nothing wrong. I told him I am so close to deleting his number and not ever talking to him again. I erased Naperville's number and wont hesitate to erase his too. I was really starting to show him some love, but after this weekend I dont even know if I want him to be an associate. I went to sleep. I woke up at 3am and stayed up staring at the clock all night until it was time to get up and go to work. I was sitting at my desk doing some paper work and Naperville hit me up like everything was ok, I didnt even look to see what he said..I just pressed ignore and and went on about what I was doing. He's blocked so I never hope to hear from him again. This is one niggah that can play so many games..I aint gone play them no more...and act like nothing happened. Considering the source...I should have known better.... Then I talked to Westside, he was telling me about his new man, although I was not saying much, I am happy for him and I hope it works out. I have no faith in LOVE right now. SO to my LITTLE HOMIE+ Dont let him hurt you. Then Dekalb gets online and I was hoping he would not say anything to me to avoid confrontation. He does...much to my dismay.. so I tell him I think we have grew apart..he then tells me No, were just experiencing turbulence....F**K turbulence... I then tell him "I feel something now about you.....I can't pinpoint it... But i've let some people go and im strongly considering letting you go. He replies, NOOOOOOOOOO!! yes all those O's.... why doesnt he want to go away... "If we cant be together, then we can be friends," I aint even trying to hear none of it. I rebuttle by saying you are not truthful to me and I shant try to estblish friendship with a liar, nor will I seek friendship in someone who plays games. This is day 4 that ive told him to get it together. TAKE HEED TO THIS WARNING: GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER OR THE TIES WILL CUT *twin shannon. I been consulting with Twin all day about the issue at hand...been said I should get rid of Naperville and Now he says Dekalb must have feelings for me cause he wont go away when i've tried so hard to do so. But like I said after today he has one more time to make to mess up and he will deleted and blocked like the rest of the people in Chicago that I find insignificant. The problem lies here.. I still care alot for him and thats why it hurts me so much....and is so hard for me to fully make him exit my life. Then I took things into perspective... He says to me "how would you feel if was friend with someone you dont like all of a sudden?.... Uhmm,makes me think...he has a point.... Then I called Twin...and compared him with an old friend....Ok he should be upset.... Well the person he doesnt want me to talk too..Its not like we talk everyday....but were cool and im not going to say Im not going to talk to him....but when I do Ill keep it to myself as I have done....Then day is not over so.....Stay tuned

IT came as a shocker, but we all must go one day...R.I.P. Rosa Parks... She Died today of natural causes...She was 92

Im Back

I know to my readers I have not been writing as I should be. Since Tues I have not written, and did one for wednesday but never posted it but I will at a later date. But over the last five days things have been revealed to me and thats what I will do. First my mom is doing a little but not at her greatest potential. There is either something she is not telling up or she needs to go back to the hospital. Another concern was for my own health, which is pretty much ok. All others medicine have been prescribed for them. That is why I been kind of distant everyone cause I have been dealing with that. Then I have to November first to get out of here and I have not found a place to live. I guess I will be living in a hotel until I find something. I know God will do what he wants to do regarding that so i aint the least bit worried about it. I realized this week that you cant be friends with everyone. The people are them. They are phony, backstabbers, shady, and to sum it up 1 2 many things that I care not to know about. I met some interesting new people and 1 I hope that I can get to know him. I erased 10 phone numbers out of my phone to get rid of the unnecessary people in my life. It has been revealed to me once again that I only have 1 true best friend and the rest are just friends, mere associates, or nothing at all. "I had a revelation Saturday, and that is im gonna stop talking to those that claim to be the best friend in my life when they dont include me in their life." LOL, I keep seeing this on Yahoo messenger and everytime I see it, I am immediately filled with laughter. Believe me the revelation I had told me to keep all m,y stuff to myself. To anyone who has been friends with a fag, know that they are messy as hell.....and they do anything by any means necessary to drag you down. They are envious of others.... I been talking to Westside on a daily basis now, I am so glad we are able to start being great friends. On Thursday, I went out with Twin and KMart..We had so much fun...That was the most fun Ive had in a while with some "friends." I was horny and really feeling Kmart that night. I wanted to take him and sop him up with this dick. When we left the restaurant he got in the front seat...so I was rubbing on his thigh making his man get hard. So then it happened, I rubbed on it in the car. Ok, Twin he is not a cock blocker but he was in the way to stop it from happening. LOL. Pray my friend We'll call her Co-worker...She was injured today at work and her dog ran away. So she has been going through alot. Imma miss her while she is gone....I told her to take off a couple months. Dekalb has been acting funny and shady as hell to me..Why? I have to keep calling him, he doesnt answer when I call, picking fights with me, a whole bunch of everything, None of this ever the case before..so really whats going on....???? Thank God its Friday cause I will be catching up on some much needed rest this weekend. This guy we'll call International, sends me an email. He seems so interesting to me and I cant wait until I meet him...Sounds like a match made in heaven. I have no definite plans this evening, unless it is some head or cake pounding I wont be leaving that house. I got off and came straight home and began to clean my room, much needed and threw away some things. Also, changed my room around. I talked to Dekalb, who is still getting on my nerves. He is being shady once again. Ive called him, left messages and once again he calls me back when he wants too....Im getting sick and tired of it. He has one strike against him already. I went to sleep on him while he was talking to me cause he is being a bore to me. Now, I recall what blogger was saying he is a liar. I cant figure out when in hell does he have to lie to me? Ive done nothing to him. I get up early Saturday morning and I called EIU, cause I didnt call him back on friday night messing around with Dekalb. We talked and didnt argue or fight and Im proud of us. I then talked to Dekalb, and of course he is so full of it... he tells me I'll call you back...Then forget that niggah, i aint gone lose a minutes sleep over him. I busted a nice one on webcam for a few people. Then I talked to Westside who is getting extra grande, 1 2 many things. *I hope he dont change on me. Then I was called upstairs to remove the carpet out the front room. My aunt is always thinking of tasks for me to do like I am the carpenter. I get done and came back and busted another big one on cam....thats so HOTT!!! I called Naperville at 6pm to see if we were still on for our date at the movies. He didnt answer and texts back telling me he was at the car dealer. I was happy for him cause he been wanting a new car. Dolton came over and we went to the Grand Opening of my cousins coffee shop, 91st Beverly, named Teal. Stop by sometimes. We came back here and talked for like hours...the first time weve ever talked. She left and I returned my phone calls. I texted Naperville at 11:44pm and said "I guess your still at the car dealer." No one was answering but Dekalb did. Pay attention I aint returning his phone call...cause he never called me back for earlier. He comes up with all these excuses as to why he didnt call me back. Niggah just be a man about it and tell me the truth. He kept lying and making up excuses. So now he's pissing off and now he has me yelling...So now I throw it all up in his face everything he has been doing to me. So now he tells me he has been shady to me cause of who I talk too. HE hates them so I shouldnt talk to him. Ok, stud aint crossed my path the wrong way so why shouldnt at least be his associate. Its not like I talk to him everyday. I pray over him and I tell him good bye Ill talk to him later. He told me I couldnt get off the phone cool!! Imma just go to sleep...Which I did..I prayed the sinners prayer and repented...and went to sleep on him.. I get a text at 12:46am from Naperville telling me about he left the car dealer at 11pm. Who the hell did he think he was talking too.. Im someone who buys a new car every two years and I know car dealerships close at 6pm on saturdays.. Who in the hell wants to stay there to 11pm. That was strike three and he is no longer welcomed to talk to me ever again. He has been deleted and blocked... I get up and go to church my friend the Dr. Now she is a nut. We kicked it all day, went to my church and to Olive Garden with Twin. Time to find a new church home. Someone hit my car again. I just cant have nothing. I dont know what was wrong with Twin today...but he was trying to make me mad. HE succedded in doing so. Dekalb called me and left a message, I erased it. Imma give him some of his own medicine. I aint gone answer or return his phone calls. Better yet he never has to talk to me again. Then me and the Dr. went to Valley Kingdom Ministries, to their Festival of the Tabernacle. It was great, and now I am sitting here typing this and Dekalb is calling me..Yet in still I aint answering it, as I continue to sit here and talk to EIU. HAPPY Birthday WESTSIDE!!!!!

The Lord is blessing me.....Last 48 hours

Dolton was here on Sunday night being 1 2 many things. LOL, she kept telling me that everyone was my boyfriend. GOD, if your a man when she is around stop calling me. She was making me mad as hell. I know I been MIA for the last couple days but my last 48 hours(really 96) have been hell. Twin has been giving me too much for one person of my mental state to handle. Starting on Thursday he been going full force especially on Sunday. Nigga take a chill pill. So Sunday night I went to bed very very late. I finally turned my phone back on and called Westside back, he was on the phone and I guess he sensed something was either wrong or bothering me cause he called right back. I couldnt sleep so we talked for about an hour until the time get really late. So, I went to sleep around 1a. I woke up at 6 tired as hell and hit the snooze button until I was ready to get up. I could tell that this was going to be another one of those bad days for me. Starting with me not wanting to get out of the bed, usually the start of a bad day for me. I went to work and totally did not want to be there. I walked around with an attitude all day, Twin was pissing me off, everything about this day was making me mad. All my co-workers and supervisors were asking me whats wrong. NOTHING, cant a person just be having one of those days. Then I got called into my bosses office and got read, LOL. "The only way your going to find happiness is to find some new friends cause these aint working out for you." Stop talking to those people who continuously make you mad. Right now those are not the people you need in your life." Sadly, to say she may have a point. I dont know why but Older people are so much better to get alone with than younger people. I love to have older woman as my friends...better friend than any fag could ever be. My cup had run over and needed to be emptied and made new (new friends). That was a sigh of relief and I realized that my "friends" are the cause of my hardship, heartache, and pain. I got off and went home to get ready for the House of Hope benefit concert. Waiting on my late family, we didnt get good seats. I swear they are going to be late for their funerals, LOL. I was talking to Twin and he began to act a fool once again. God, now Im thinking perhaps my Twin likes me. Well, I didnt sit with them I sat with my friend the Dr, her mom, and her friends. We had a great time in the LORD!! All my burdens were lifted and my cup was emptied and the cup was purified. I actually cried out for me to help me. GOD SHOWED AND HE SHOWED OUT, once again. I love him, he has been good to me. That was over at about 11, so I came home and got ready for work and bed. I am still tired from the night before. WOW!!! I talked to Dekalb and Westside before I went to bed which was after midnight once again. It keeps getting later and later by night. GO TO BED!!! I woke up and got ready for work. Some people in Chicago, do not know how to drive. This man was driving in front of me and if I had a gun I would have blown his head off. Speaking of GUN, I am going to look into getting me one..real soon. Tired of people!!!! I am not sure if he was falling asleep at the wheel or not but he was making me mad. I got to work and had a relatively descent day. Now, I am not worrying about a thing. I chatted with Naperville all day as I usually do. We surely know how to laugh together. Twin let up today and actually said I could be friends with the person. Then someone who shall remain nameless made Naperville mad. then I looked on miy Yahoo messenger and this person's tagline caught me by surprise it said: "I had a revelation Saturday, and that is im gonna stop talking to those that claim to be the best friend in my life when they dont include me in their life." LOLOL, now this I read and I must admit I laughed for about an hour after I read that. Now that was some funny stuff. LOL, IM STILL LAUGHING. Now, in the midst of my laughter, STL, hit me up telling me : Always know that everyone we meet will not be everything we want. But when your HEART speaks and they understand the words than they are eveything you need, want and seek. Take the time and invested in someone regardless of their past and yours (and this site) and be faithful to the one that understands the silent spoken words that are coming from the heart. If know one has told you that they are proud of you,, I am proud of you,If know one has told you that they love you, I love youIf know one has told you that they see a light in you, I see the lightIf know one has told you, you are a man and you are accepted, than i am telling you now, you are a man and I accepted you for who you are. I love him so much. He knows when to come cheer me up. I send him the tagline and he bursts out in laughter too. Im crying and laughing. Now people I know you wondering why I am laughing simply cause I know it was directed at me. LOL. Dont leave it in a tagline, just say it to me verbally or in a text. Im n0t worried about it Cause GOD loves me. LOL. Ok, Today i've really had enough of Twin cause he is being a total Butt hole. All day long he has been making snide remarks, pissing me off. Next time he says something, Im going to make it happen. So, Twin quit pissing me off. Then I been talkking to an assoc of mine, they want me to come over later after work. Dolton was waiting for me at the house when I got there. So I could give her some money. Then I had to read her cause I am sick and tired of her acting brand new, and not talking to me bottling it up inside. It really hurts me that she is afraid to talk to me. While I was talking to her she was looking at me. TALK NIGGAH, LOL. She then to tell me that she read my blog and it hurt her. Then she started telling me about Westside and how I love him. HE is my friend. During this time to mom called again telling me to come to the hospital. So I could run in the house get my clothes on, I stopped and busted me one, and headed to the hospital. I nutted some much it ran out the paper towel and down my leg unto the floor. He got here and we went to the hospital and sat there for a couple hours. Talked to Westside on the way out there, cause he called, when I felt comfortable enough to talk to him around my brother. He told me I was ugly and no one wants me. LOL!!!! He wants me!! I was suppoosed to go visit an associate, I couldnt go, and Im tired as hell. Well I texted him and told him I was taking her home and would see him later. Kmart called me, and I know he wanted to get down but didnt say nothing. Neither did I, Im tired anyway. Im going home and going to bed...Ill Holla.

Reality, decisions, and Depression

Early this morning 64th called me and was talking to me, it had been a long time since we had communicated with one another for a long time. I woke up this morning at about 9:30am…Realizing that it was early but late for something. Oh GOD!!!! I slept so hard that when my friend called me and asked me to take him home…I had not heard the phone. Oh well, he should have been ready before I went to sleep. So I called my Granny, I missed her, I had not spoke to her in a couple days. First topic at hand, my mother. What is wrong with her now… She has more ailments than a 109 year old woman who has been through menopause and 16 childbirths. Two days in a row I have tried to take her to the Hospital, but she doesn’t want to go. Granny and I digress…Its only for attention and sympathy. After I got off the phone with her I called Aurora, to tell him I was on my way. The stupid CUNT tells me he is sleep and to call him back when I get out of church, I tell him that’s not a good choice cause who knows what’s going to come up. Well he chose not to see me. I called Dekalb, to see why he had not called me back. No answer, Ok, I left him a dirty message…… Then me and Twin started texting….then it turned into a phone call. He started laying it on thick….GOD, my own wrath coming for me. I have never seen him so persistent about a subject. He has it made up in his mind that I should not be talking to this particular person. I value his opinion and want to take heed to it.. Generally speaking it would not be a problem for me to cut someone off. But something is different this time…I am almost certain that GOD put me in this place for a reason. I’ve been praying on it and I have not heard different yet. I mean Twin was reading me something terrible… IM SORRY TWIN!!! We got off the phone while I went to shower and get ready for my day. He texted me, I guess cause he was not finished. I then got my clothes on and out the door I went. I drove to one Grocery store to get a few items, then I went to run a few errands and then I went to another grocery store to get some stuff, then I went to Walmart in Indiana…Way to many Nigga’s at the near city Walmarts. Dekalb calls me and then I read him for being shady to me and acting like he is too good to talk to me. He said he left his phone in somebody car. Ok, make me suffer. LOL, I am sorry Dekalb for japping out. Then Dolton, my pudding calls me and we talk for a while. I have been neglecting her. The battery is beeping so I tell her I got to call her back. Went to go see both of my grannies today.... I then went home and unloaded my groceries and things while talking to TWIN..Once again he letting me HAVE IT. This time it is about Dekalb. All he wanted to hear out of my mouth was that I still have feelings for him. OK the truth is out, I still have STRONG FEELINGS for Dekalb. Never thought I would fall for someone younger than I. But I don’t like some of the things that he does. Dolton comes over I put my Lasagna in the oven and then we started grading papers. FORGET That I want to have sex cause I am major horny right now. Ok, I gain some form of self control and grade the papers. I am a hard grader but I guess I did start out going to school to be a teacher. She then begins to get mad and have these bitter feelings of hate and resentment in her eyes. I ask her what’s wrong but she says nothing but she is lying. Hell she didn’t even want to look at me…I did nothing so she needs to get it together. The time came for me to go and take Dekalb to the bus station. I talked to Naperville and once again we had a good conversation now I remember why I like him…He can have some good conversation, a quality you can’t find in many Black homosexuals. I talked to him until Dekalb got in the car. My mood began to change then, and then it went down hill from there til the point where I needed to pull over and let the tears roll down my face. I maintained because he was in the car. So many emotions began to run through my body and I had not felt these in a long time. Normally, we would mess around when I would take him to the bus. It didn’t happen this time and we had plenty of time to make it happen. He arrived at the station 35min prior to his buses departure. Ok, I could see him looking at me from the side but I didn’t say much. I dropped him off and drove around the corner and the tears flowed hard..What is wrong with me…. I called Naperville cause I wanted to talk…He told me he was sleep…Fine, I was mad….I turned my phone off completely and cried all the way home….I got ready for work and listened to gospel music and meditated until I went to bed. LORD I thank you for a better morning.

Happy Sweetest Day

I went to Matteson's house last night and we went on a date. He took me out to eat and I took him to the movies. We went to see The Gospel, that movie was a fool. While in the movie..I got a text from EIU, telling me that he had not heard from me in 12 hours. Ok, so and whats the point.... I decided it was best for us to keep our friendship the way it is.. I dont want to come in between his happiness and his lover. I mean he has someone...So Maurice...no more trying to make amends. So if he calls,he calls and if he doesnt he doesnt. I am not going to make a big deal out of it. DK...when you read this...I still love you, despite how you think I may feel....>>>>>. So after that we went back to his house and watched movies...Well they watched me. I got up and went home. I didnt wake up until 12 noon....What a lazy bum I am. amazing it was not because I stayed out all night or nothing like that. I awoke to some text messages and some missed calls telling me Happy Sweetest Day...I totally forgot....Hell maybe if I had a sweet then I could have remembered. I got up and sent about 10 Sweetest Day texts and then said "To hell with it". I was talking to Dekalb, then Westside called, and then Twin called me. All three of them were down my throat about the same thing. GOD, I am not stupid enough to put my life in Jeopardy. All three are concerned that someone new in my life will present a problem and that this person will like me. NOT a chance in hell...I dont even think that I am that attractive. Then I got up...went upstairs and got me some yogurt and Granola....What a tasty breakfast but it didnt feel me up. I then looked out the window at the man currently in my life and realized he was being neglected by me. So Went and got him and brought him on the patio. Mr. Skkyy Im sorry for letting you be so dirty. I spent 2 and half hours washing my car, making him look good for me. I called it a facial, spa treatment, and colon cleansing. It was dirty as hell...But when I finished it looked like the day I drove it from Honda straight off the show room floor. :)..I came back in the house and came and sat down at the computer...Sent the rest of the Sweetest day texts I didnt send. A friend hit me and asked me to go eat with him...I did!! We talked about a wide variety of subjects. Guess what....My "Best Friend" is bogus as hell...I heard through a Grapevine that his aunt was having a party and guess what....I guess I wasnt invited.... Well I dont care...It did sting a little...but then I immediately got over it...They never have to invite me to another thing concerning them. I then went out to Matteson's house to chill for sweetest day. He played the Piano and sang...LOVING IT....then he played and I sang with him... Duo... We had a couple drinks and we went to sleep. I left cause a friend asked me to pick him from a party...Ok...I text and he asks for an extension... They started shooting when I got in my car, I was scaredI am like I dont care..Im getting in the bed...Bribing me with Some Booty aint gone make me not go to sleep.

I Tried to reach beyond the Break...

REACH...BEYOND THE BREAK AND HOLD ON...AND HOLD ON. Thats exactly what ive been trying to do. To start off I woke up at tired as hell, which was going to be an indication that this day was going to be a FOOL. I promise for every up in my life there is a down. I woke up with a message from EIU, asking me when I was going to go to STL and a text from Subway @ 5:14a saying "Good morning my friend. I want to thank U 4 UR concern. it made me cry. I like the fact that your a true friend." Thats exactly how I felt last night with Twin, so i forwarded it to him. I went to sleep knowing that if nothing else I was certain about...Twin LOVES ME.... I didnt return any calls yet. I made a bowl of cereal, I ate two bites and poured it out. Naperville sent me a text saying "good morning I was waiting on you to call me back, I see you forgot about me, no one cares for me, I am going to cry." At this point the game doesnt work on me. So I called him on the way to work and then he tries run another game on me..."I stayed up until Midnight waiting on you" Spare me...he doesnt stay up past 10. So I cut him short and told him to save it for someone else and not me. We talked and laughed all the work and I actually enjoyed our conversation. It has to be one of the best ones we've ever had. I wanted to go and tell his boyfriend..to back off...he's mine again. NAPERVILLE...if we keep up the good convo..we actually could be great friends with benefits. LOL... I had some extra time so I stopped at McDonalds and got me a sausgae mcmuffin. I got to work and got a text from EIU...I didnt have time to text back and forth with him cause I had some work to be finished so I told him to call me. First mistake of the day, that turned into a little heated argument. But that revealed some things to me. Well I began to get upset slightly, so I got off the phone. And I let him know VIA text message that I thought he is bogus and I wont forget it. He got on yahoo messenger, and it got a little escalated from there.. Question to self...Why try to amend those broken pieces anyway.
Maurice: I dont know.....This friendship.......
DK: what about it
DK: you treat it like a joke
Maurice: No I dont.....Im trying to make ammends to things and make things better for us and YOU BLOCK ME...So whats the point in even trying.....,
DK: how am i blocking you... this has nothing to do with our friendship
DK: you making amends by calling me so you can ride with me to stl how is that making amends Maurice: Yeah.....
Maurice: No Ive been trying to call more.....and text message you...but I guess it doesnt count for nothing
He thought I had been calling him cause I wanted to ride to STL with him. Totally not the case.
Maurice: STL is not a problem because remember I have a Honda or Taurus I can drive...so thats presents not one problem for me
DK: because i'm just not going to put myself in that situation
Maurice: I dont know what situation your talking of, but I dont want to know either so....
DK: well i'm gone tell you anyway... the situation is you not liking royce
DK: and it hasn't came up yet, but I dont think he likes you that much either
Maurice: WONDERFUL!!!!!
DK: but i'm gone tell you like i told him... I'm not one to choose so that means you just gone have to get along
Maurice: You dont have to choose....If its me or you being happy...I will step down and let yall have at it.....
Maurice: And since it presents a problem on both ends...it may be whats best.....
First..Honestly I want him and his man to be together. I dont want to or attempt to be a burden in their relationship. Truth be told I am glad he doesnt like me, cause he most def is not even a number in my book.
Maurice: Disclaimer: you can feel a way and not act like it. LOVE is the main driving force in my life. and you know When I am mad...I dont deal
DK: well do you constantly stay mad at me? where is the love in that?
DK: and i just think you always trying to drop me lil hints
DK: everything we use to do you have to take it and throw it in my face that you and Twin doing it.... and everytime i talk to you its oh Twin this and oh my Twin that as if you wanting me to get the picture....
DK: i honestly feel i've been replaced
DK: especially after you told me i can only talk to Twin... he is the only one that can understand me and i saw in your blog that you wrote you didn't want to talk to me...
Why do I always stay mad at him? Simply cause he is always doing something to make me mad. Then their is no need to be mad/jealous of Twin...He lives here in the city with me so of course we are able to do more. Twin understands me and I can talk to him without my words being repeated or thrown back in my face. Immediately my mood changed from ok to bad. First Markham hit me up saying good morning..I erased him and blocked him...Dont speak to me Niggah with your phony acting, shady butt. I dont know who the hell these niggahs think they are. So hopefully, I wont be hearing from him. My Mood, "Im out playing on a window ledge deciding to jump...Hey I've made even more stupid decisions before, so this one wont make a difference." Gemini horoscope.. Your actually pretty charming without doing anything to make yourself better. Relations with others are a bit strained today. Therefore, dont expect to much from people. Matteson asked me when were going on a date tonight. YES!! I am overjoyed. 87th asked me was I going to the haunted house with them, I dont know. Doubt it cause I dont deal with the devil, or anything dealing with him. Lord, I know you will make my day better. Imma get off and wash my dirty car. My co-worker rode home with me and wanted to know what was wrong with me. So I began to talk to her and tell her about my life and my friends. Effective counseling...She gets it all out and I vent to her. She told me I only have one real friend and it is Twin and all others are just regular friends. It has some truth...but to not allow others into my life for if something happens to twin....I'll be lonely. So Im looking for new friends. LOL.....and its obvious the others aint making me happy...But I know its up to me to be happy. I went on my date...you'll hear more about it later.

The Happiest Day of my LIFE

Things are getting better for me. Last night I didn’t go to Bally’s to workout cause I was sore and needed my muscles to heal. I put the muscle Relaxer’s back I didn’t use and then I asked her for one and then she told me to take the whole bottle…WOW…All that sneaking and stealing for no reason. Also, last night I chatted with Blogger, Westside, Dekalb, Twin, and Justice. I talked to the Dr, EIU, and Twin. I kept trying to take a nap when I came home from work but it didn’t work. Every phone in the house was ringing off the hook and I could hear them. So I got up and started sorting out bills to be paid and that I ain’t going to pay, and the clothes I am going to wear. PRAY FOR MY FRIEND DEKALB, he is really going through something’s and I wish I could be there to console him. All I can do is pray with his through his circumstances at this time and stand in intercessory prayer for him. Of course I talked to Matteson. He calls me periodically to check up on me…..IM LOVING IT……I love attention and he said he would show me all the attention that I wanted….THAS Whassup?..... Also that he would cook for me. I swear he would make me fall in love with him. I didn’t realize he called me this morning until I was dressed for work. THAT’S HOT!!! I admire him cause he is coming after what he wants. Until now…I don’t even think I messed with someone older than me…It is worth giving a try in this case cause he is proving to me THAT OLDER IS BETTER. I talked to EIU and told him I didn’t like his attitude that he has towards me. He never calls me anymore or anything. Hell I can barely get a text. He then tells me that he has decided to only have contact with me when I call him or whatever. Hell that could be forever. But I am putting forth the effort to do better. He still HAS NOT. So he best improve his behavior. I chatted with Blogger and he seems cool as hell. GEMINI LOVE all day. I think we will get alone GREAT!!! I had went to sleep Wednesday night not hearing from Westside at all. I had got use to hearing from him every night before bed. Once again he is neglecting me and so is Twin. LOL!! WOW!! I went to sleep before 11 pm and woke up at around 4 something this morning. I went back to sleep until 3am. Woke up feeling kind of good. Got dressed and left the house immediately. I got to work twenty minutes earlier. Had a good day at work. I chatted with 18th street, Twin, Naperville, and Dekalb. He was straight japing out today and talking about killing someone. I counseled him and he calmed down. I left work at 2pm to go to the doctor. I went up the street to meet JUSTICE. He’s cool. We just talked that’s about it. This is when the I got the best news of my life…I took an HIV test and the Dr. said your results are in….I said Ok…give it to me DOC……….HE said your results came back NEGATIVE. GLORRRRRRRRAYYYYYYYYYY!!! I don’t think I had ever been so happy in my life not even when I graduated from college. I was overjoyed, and I told all 10 of my closest friends. It had to be 1 out of the 10 people I texted to be so non-chalant, and give me the I really don’t care attitude. I was really hurt . What kind of friend is that? Where has our friendship gone? So I still have the taste for my Hamburger and French fries…..so Imma go get the stuff…I need to make it…I get a phone call…an unfamiliar voice…Who is this I ask? This is Blogger, oh cool!!! He wanted me to hang out with him tonight…Uhmmmm… OK I will no problem.. I got off the phone with him and went to my grannies.. Stayed there for a while and then went to Dolton’s house. Went to Walgreen’s and got her some money. Then I came home and then Blogger came and got me. We went to Horseshoe Casino…Dekalb was hysterical., cause I went out with him… Me and Blogger actually have something in common and I didn’t get that I don’t like him vibe off him at first so far we’re cool. One his friends went too and they were cool. My granny was there and walked right past me…We left and he took me home…on the way there…he told me I should come check him out….I was like Uhmmmm, No…but then he said come on… So I got in my car and went to park my car at his house…and then we went to get something to eat. Then we went back his house…and ate.. Compared some notes on some things and then I left…On my way out the door he asked for some love so I gave him a hug…I am not accustomed to giving me hugs… Then I called Dekalb and read him his rights.. Now he is great!!! Talked to Westside, Naperville, Subway, Twin…Ok Twin read me on tonight and told me he was bringing his belt to beat me…That’s Hot!! LOL, and of Course Matteson before bed….He puts me in a deep slumber.

I digress

Well this morning I woke up this morning still sore as hell….Ok…Maybe I need to see a personal trainer cause maybe I am doing something wrong which could likely be the problem…Well I will continue to move slowly……and work my calories off…..oh and I barrowed some Muscle relaxers from my aunts pharmacy in the Kitchen. LOL…. BOO!!! Its raining….I slept well last night but I am still tired… Well if I can manage to be sleep by 11 tonight…things might be better for me… I got to work….and listened to the radio…. Then I signed onto the computer and Winthrop forwarded a message to me….. I liked u, then I loved u, Now I’m afraid to lose u, If you don’t send this to everyone on ur list, u will lose the person you love. sorry I don’t wonna lose the person I love....................if I don’t get this back I guess your not my friend. if u have a lot of love 4 someone... copy and send this 2 ur whole buddy list.. ur true love will call or IM YOU…I replied to him well my life is empty and I don’t have anyone to LOVE…HE calls me a MESS again…Im really starting to get tired of it too.....Ok…I am not nearly a decimal percentage of the mess he is….so I tell him I ain’t A mess. So then he precedes to tell me IM SPECIAL….That’s right….special as hell for dealing with him and other people…Then I start talking to Naperville….and we started talking about Blogger…Uhmmmm I didn’t know he read it….but he does and leaves comments. Well I guess last week or So he called him Materialistic….Ok…I can agree with him some….
Naperville: WHEN HAVE I BEEN A MEATERLISTIC PERSON
Maurice: always....You always talking about what you have...what you gone get...and ETC. Maurice: Ok....but what he was saying and I’m telling you is that you.....LIKE TO BROADCAST and make you look bigger than everyone else....Its cool and all.....But being materialistic is sometimes not good...cause GOD can and will remove...the things people worship. He was mad at me and didnt talk for a while...LOL...Who better to tell him than I. I am so sore I need a massage. I asked Naperville and he said yes…Then I asked my friend Westside and he told me no.. That it was exclusive for someone he is with.
Westside: those luxuries are reserved.
Maurice: Well If a friend of mine needed one I would give them one..out of kindness.
Maurice: A full body is for relationship..cause you cover a lot more turf.
Maurice: LOL
Westside: but if I do everything for a friend that I do for my man, where is the exclusivity..
Maurice: a full body is for him...I mean you in cracks and crevices and sticks that’s the exclusively for him
Westside: but no, that’s one of the things I do for my guy and no one else...or girl for that matter.
That is so bogus to me…I would do it for him…But cool…..Ill remember that. Justice then tells me he’s been talking to his friend about me…Then another friend the other day….Supposedly all good things…GREAT!!!
Justice: so how many people are you talking to currently?
Maurice: talking to?? How??
Justice: people that you're interested in or getting to know
Maurice: Oh you and one other person whom I met recently...But I ain’t trying to know him he trying to get to know me
Justice: oh wow...
Maurice: LOL...wow?????
Justice: yes at the whole he trying to get to know u but you not him
Maurice: LOL....Well I told him I was trying to get to know you
Justice: oh okay...well you can get to know more than one person at a time...
Maurice: LOL...but then sometimes...you may miss out on the other person which may be a good thing
Justice: oh...well I hope that doesn't happen to me
He needs to step up to the plate soon…I am tired of being single.. Well Lunch time…I must have been in one of those good Gemini moments…I was fine walking over there…. Got my food….then walked back…and then went into Gemini mood…I wanted someone to say something to me so I could throw some hot Soup in there face….I was born under a bad sign some days. This lady walked past me and I was waiting on her to look at me wrong and it would have been on.
As you all may know...Me and Twin been on a diet....I lost some weight and some pants sizes...4..PRAISE HIM.. I am thankful.. I was reading my Twin's blog today and I realized I have never discussed my preference. I too like the thicks boys. Especially the Dark chocolate ones, and boy do I admire one of those thick chocolate boys with a big butt and at nice size Dick. LOL, I aint gone do much with it but I like to at it..and sometimes put it in my mouth. Seldom and rarely. More to come later...
Think about this... FYI - I wasn't the person who researched this phenomenon, but I thought this was interesting, so I am passing it on. The name Katrina means Pure. The dictionary defines Pure as - "Free from adulterants or impurities; Free of dirt, defilement, or pollution; Containing nothing inappropriate or extraneous". Basically, as it has been said previously...Katrina was a cleansing, a washing away for those cities and states that had been known for sin. Then I started to do some math as I realized that Katrina hit almost 5 years to the date of 9/11. But to be a little more exact it had been 1,814 days since 9/11. So I decided to go to the Word...I was lead to Revelations chapter 18, verse 14 (1814). 14 "They will say, 'The fruit you longed for is gone from you. All your riches and splendor have vanished, never to be recovered.' 15 The merchants who sold these things and gained their wealth from her will stand far off, terrified at her torment. They will weep and mourn (sounds to me like the merchants are those who supported the sin) 16 and cry out: "Woe! Woe, O great city, dressed in fine linen, purple and scarlet, and glittering with gold (purple/gold? colors of Mardi Gras...hmmm...and don't you get beads), precious stones and pearls! 17 In one hour such great wealth has been brought to ruin!' (about the length of time that Katrina stayed over New Orleans ) "Every sea captain, and all who travel by ship, the sailors, and all who earn their living from the sea, will stand far off. 18 When they see the smoke of her burning, they will exclaim, 'Was there ever a city like this great city?'

A day of some Hope

Woke up and was kind of tired but I made it through the morning. Today was my second day at Bally’s working out. I don’t know but I am still sore. My Pectoral muscles are sore and so are my bi and triceps. I guess maybe I was doing to much on Monday. Work was hard on today I mean I got so much paper work to and so little time to do it. Then someone I was peeping at the club one night hit me up. He is friends with someone else I know.....UHmmm, well I probably wont holla Then I talked someone From Matteson.. Now them I like …Sounds good to me…I will be getting to know them one day. Then they immediately wanted to know when the date was..ALRIGHT!!!! That’s what’s up. Been chatting with Naperville and Westside all day; on and off. Naperville says he has a man now…I don’t know why he is telling me that cause I really don’t care at all. Now my little Homie+ Westside is a nut and he stood me up for lunch…..I’m hurt….I sat around and ended up going to lunch with one of my str8 female co-workers. I guess Ill forgive him. When I got home I talked to Mattesson, who was cooking and invited me over…I didn’t go cause I hard word to do around the house and I am not ready for nothing like that yet. I don’t want to immediately fall in love. Then I talked to Westside…After that(10%) LOL. Homie+ is crazy. He wants me to want his body…So I can get him and lick, suck, and pump on his body. LOL…… Maybe one day…He has been neglecting me…He has not spent any time with me this week.. Then while talking to him and laughing I was throwing my mattress away…It was a site to see…me dragging this mattress down the street. I burst out in Laughter myself…He was on the phone rolling. The funny part about it is that my aunt will probably want me to go back and get it out the trash. LOL…she is such a pack rat. Tonight when I worked out, I just worked on one of the bikes and on the treadmill today to work on fat burning. My whole objective a week is to cut at least 2500-3000 calories out a week. That’s equal to a couple lbs a week. I came home and took a shower…. Ate a small salad and then went to my room….There was a message from 87th street telling me that they wanted to go with me…COOL!!! all he had to say is be more sociable and let me know he wants to go. Twin, sent me an IM saying you cant speak, LOL…Yes I can speak Twin…Didn’t notice you were online. I talked to Westside and Mattesson…. Before I went to bed….Dekalb sends me an IM asking me do I view him as a Bottom? Uhmmm Yes, He has been nothing but a bottom to me so how can I view him as anything else… Earlier, we talked about our relationship....well as much as I hate to say it, YES we had a sexual relationship and honestly we still have one…..So I don’t know about us ever getting back together. And or course when he stops being a fag…if I am still single that might expedite something….Today’s Gemini Horoscope….Saturn continues to move through Leo, which is helping you to understand how important communication really is. You always knew this anyway, but now you are beginning to understand this in a whole new way. You can see that taking responsibility for your words and for what you say is vital, as is the impact it all has on the recipient. The Sun and Jupiter continue to grace the love and romance sector of your chart, which is enabling you to enjoy the company of potential new lovers and have some fun in the process. AND NO TWIN I HAVE NOT FORGOT ABOUT YOU!!!

Self Revelation/Changes 2

Dang forgot to post last night..Thought I did but i guess not. My feelings today are Im tired of phony people and I am tired of sneaky people who lurk around waiting on some information to go tell. And I am tired of sometimey people. At the rate im going I will be single forever cause simply there is no one out there to meet my standards and the couple that are out there are my friends and dont want to risk our friendship. So thats why we mess around and go on about our business. Over the course of 24 hours I went through many emotions.....Some including cutting people out of my life and others limiting what I say/do with them. I know I am tired of Shadiness....people can save that for the TREES. I woke up feeling great this morning. I took the Dan Ryan to work..It is so much faster than the streets and save my gas. It is officially over between me and Naperville..We have both moved on. He claims to have this new niggah. I guess...There can never be another me. My co-workers are a mess. I was in the bathroom stall..taking care of my business. One of my nasty co-workers... kicks the stall and makes the door come unlocked. I got up to lock it back and he was looking at over the stall at me. What kind of switch hitting freak is he? I mean he is supposed to be a heterosexual male. I just wanted to kill him. Winthrop calls me over to see him...I arrive he spends some time sitting there trying to figure me out. Sitting there staring at me. Asking me whats wrong with me. Then we talked about Friday night and then he told me I WAS A MESS. Sometimes he tries to hurt me. But I have learned to overlook him cause he can be ignorant at times. I know I am over him finally.... I talked to 35th..He is cool. Tonight I started my workout regimen at Bally's...I am sore as hell too. well Im going to bed for now.

Changes-Saturday 10/8/05

This is from Friday and Saturday.... Friday was a very tiring day for me. I went to work and by noon..I was ready for my bed. I came home after work and talked to my Cousins wife who was trying to clock tea and etc. LOL...us folks thats been on the DL know how to keep it hid. Finally she was done talking and I could go to bed. I showered, talked to Justice and went to bed. I woke up at 10:45 to get dressed. Boy did I not want to go...i was exhausted. Well Twin came to get me and Westside came by. Uhm.....I got two niggah in my house at once. Hell I was so tired...I didnt care who was here. LOL..Sex was the last thing on my mind that night. Westside said I was being Evil...He has not seen evil yet. Twin drove us to the club..and then we met Winthrop and his man up there. I shoulda stayed at home..I was not feeling it at all. Thinking maybe I would see Naperville cause he said he was going too...Niggah was a no show... and it figures. I didnt feel motivated to dance or nothing of the sort. I really didnt feel to good as it was it and everything and everyone irritated me. So I sat in one spot and then from that spot to another until I left. Some people just know how to URK me sometimes. Well then we leave and then I get the nastiest look from two people. Needless to say I didnt care...cause it was time to go. Twin dropped everyone off and then went home himself. I got right back at 7 am and began my day..Cleanting my room,etc. I then went and took 87th street to the store and then dropped him off and left his house and headed on my way to Dekalb....and do you know I was Rear Ended by this white lady I dont know what the hell she was doing but her car suffered the most damage. All I got is a few scratches to my bumper. She lost her whole front end assembly. OK so I continue on my trip to Dekalb and I talked to quite a few people and was getting mad cause Dekalb had not called me back after he begged me to come there. So I talked to Charleston whom I will call EIU For future reference. Ok, we havent been talking much and stuff. He feels that I have changed...I have not changed that I think. Well he was saying cause we dont talk and do things like we used to. Well honestly he doesnt call me either and what am I too do. I mean I love my friend but sometimes he can be a little to extreme for me causing me back away sometimes. Then of course the incident at hand....With the 19 year old and all that did not strengthen our relationship. And now that he has a man whom I dont care for that much.....Also is another barricade in our friendship/relationship. I guess I can deal with him for the sake of us. So, I get to Lincoln dorm and Dekalb comes out with an EYE BROW piercing. Way to much for me. That just blocked any other chances of us ever getting back together. Cause that was too gay for me. I told him I would not approve of it before he went and did it. TO TO MANY things. I really like him but. I asked him if he strives to be a Fag? he said no...but it is my belief he does. Well he took me to lunch and then he went back to his room so I could go back to sleep...He didnt want me to sleep cause he wanted to play. And one thing lead to another. I banged....and he made me stop telling me I was hurting him....These Bottoms of today. I left and went home. TO my Surprise JUSTICE CALLED ME TONIGHT. We talked for a couple minutes and then he got off the phone. I made it home and went to bed until Sunday.

Rejection-Thursaday 10/6/05

Well this is thursday entry starting with Wednesday night...As much as we all hate it, we will all at some point in our lives be rejected....Northside called me last night before I went to bed yelling and screaming like some mad man simply because I didnt call him back. He began to tell me that he gave me some valuable information about My "Best Friend" that he said was messy and bogus and likes to talk about me behind my back. Ok....Well, ok he told me was I supposed to be his friend cause he told me something....I just hope that friend doesnt talk to him anymore.... I didnt want to hear it cause as it already appears 90% of time there is a WEDGE between us. I will not let another person be a wedge between my friends and I. If we gone have at it, then it will because thats what we were doing. Next he then tells me how he treated me to Red Lobster. WOW!!! I went to Red Lobster with a cunt....Ok, as if I cared about him taking me to a place I go all the time. I asked did he want his money back, cause I would hope in his car and bring it to him. I go to work everyday and dont need anyone to treat me to anything. If I wanted to go eat out everyday I could, LOL. He was just screaming, yelling, and cursing. I had completely tuned him out cause i could care less what he was talking about simply cause I didnt care either way. So finally when I was ready to shower..I asked him was he done tiranting...He asked is that all you had to say about what I just said..I replied YES, so he hung up on me... I didnt loose not a moments sleep over it either. I woke up and went to work and was persuaded by co-workers to make some spaghetti for our fall cook-out. Ok, I made it but it was not my best; but hey I got it done. I guess this is the day me and Naperville officially called it some form of quits. I dont know why we have been wasting one anothers time. All I know is that I am tired of it and among other things his shadiness. I swear every nigga in chicago is shady. Can I get some genuine people...Obviously not....so that leaves me tired of it. He began to tell me about stepping up to the plate. What plate??? The shady plate? He has the wrong one I swear. and then he thinks God put us on this earth to get on one anothers nerves. What kind of Crap is that? I dont know how many times in the course of this day, I've been told FUCK YOU, by his LOL. And then he wanted to call me a BITCH!!! Really which one of us is a real bitch... Then he begins to tell me about some other nigga and what he does for him. OK, WOW. LET him continue to do it for you. I dont care. This is what he had to say: (10/6/2005 3:22:51 PM): THAT IS WHY I SAID I WAS TIRED OF THIS IS BECAUSE I TRIED TO REACH OUT TO YOU I HAVE ASK YOU TO COME SPEND THE NIGHT WITH ME MY FATHER DOES NOT CARE WHO IS THERE I MEAN I HAVE A COMPLETE DIFFERENT PART OF THE HOUSE NO ONE IS GOING TO BE ASKING NOTHING AND YOU ACT LIKE IT IS PROBLEM TO DO THAT I KEEP TELLING YOU IT WILL ONLY TAKE YOU 30 MIN TO GET DOWNTOWN THE SAME IT TAKES YOU TO GET THERE FROM YOU HOUSE IN THE MORNING AND I KNOW THIS BECAUSE IT IS PLENTY OF TIMES MY FATHER HAS DROVE ME DOWNTOWN SO HE CAN BE AT WORK AND I CAN MAKE THE METRA AND IT ONLY 30 MINS AND WHAT YOU TELL ME NO I CAN'T BUT HERE IT IS SOMEONE WHO DON'T HAVE A CAR AND HE GETS ON THE METRA TO SPEND TIME WITH ME AND GET RIGHT IN THE MORNING AND GET ON THE METRA TO GO TO WORK NOW YOU TELL ME WHAT WRONG WITH THAT PICTURE? (10/6/2005 3:28:33 PM): I MEAN YEAH YOU ARE AND THAT IS WHY I WAS LOOKING AT THE WHOLE THING I AM LIKE HERE IT IS MAURICE HAS A CAR HE DON'T AND YA BOTH STAY OUT SOUTH NOT TO FAR FROM EACH OTHER AND I LIKE THERE MUST BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME THAT MAURICE WON'T EVEN MAKE THE ATTEMPT THAT SOMEONE ELSE WILL I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND AND I GAVE UP ON THE WHOLE THING AND JUST WAS LIKE WHO EVER COMES ON STRONG THAT IS WHO I WILL BE WITH. Well go be with him cause I gave up. Then after that I had a relatively descent day after that until Winthrop called asking me about Northside. I promise it is all a mess cause SHAWTY need to move on cause WE aint gone happen and then My FRIEND needs to stop telling me cause I dont care. He wanted to call on threeway so we could hear what he had to say, so later it would be no misunderstandin. I didnt care what he had to say and didnt want to hear nothing that he had to say. He could call him on his own.

Get your Praise on

Sorry yall I havent got around to posting anything.....But I got them all wrote out and I need to type them.....Stay Tuned for Rejection and Changed. Today was a Great day for me to start off...I slept from 12-10am.. Winthrop called me and asked me what was my problem....I didnt have a problem..I got some much needed rest...boy does the body catch up with you. I got up and got in the shower and then came back and began to Iron for church....My friend Dr.Bynum-Weeks called to see if I was still going to church which I was. She got there......Late as hell....and then we had to sit and order tickets for The House of Hope and then we went to church. Fashionably late.....the choir was up singing and I was mad cause I hate hearing them sing... After church we went and ate at Panera bread...Different but tasty..Then we went back to my house and talked on the phone...It was like an EIU Hampton apartment building reunion...we were on three way laughing and stuff. Then we went to my friends church.....to their choirs 54th anniversary. It was great...The spirit showed up and showed out...I had not had such a great time in the LORD in a long time....Just when I thought my shouting was completed...I had a couple personal encounters with the spirit. I went to my grannies and got my lunch for tommorow.. and set up their DSL and stuff. Then I came home and talk to Twin on the phone about my weekend...and How I view Dekalb...At first I felt like he was making up excuses as to why I shouldnt view him the way I do.....But then he wasnt......I guess....I like for him to tell me how he feels... Im really beginning to love me some Westside....He is like the coolest little+ Homie....Good Night

The Learning of patience

Everytime I turn around he keeps blessing me!!! Thats how I feel on today. I woke up this morning and sent Justice an IM saying that our MEET Date we had arranged conflicted with my job duties. I got to work and got on the computer and argued with Naperville, which has become an everyday ritual. I guess when Justice woke up he hit me on the computer and said cool!!! He let me know how tired he really is and I told him if he wanted to stick around until about 1:15pm then I would be able to come and meet him. Well he said he would call me and let me know if he was sticking around. When I arrived at my desk from lunch there was a message from Westside telling me he was on the way to my job to have lunch with me. WOW!!!! OF course I didnt believe him, but he came although drunk. I went to get him as he was walking down the street to my job. I went to the restaurant and he sat and watched me eat then he told he didnt want to go home and wanted to go to work with me. OH WOW!!! To much to hide and a risk im taking allowing a man to go to work with me. I was like they gone Clock tea. So I sit and think of a lie to tell them and all alone he thought I was taking him back t0 the train. To his surprise I pull up into the parking lot of my job. I took him to work with me. OK Your my Dad's nephew..LOL... He came in and sat and talked with my co-workers and shit......MY First Name...is now in the open...God now someone whom I dont know so well knows my First name which I hate. Ok This day we BONDED and started something better.. We went to McDonalds after work and then I took him to the train so he could start his commute home. We talked once he got close to his...Uhmmm He thinks that I am nasty...Really im not. Then Naperville begins telling me about he is tired of hearing me talk about other boys and what they do for me. He trying to act like he cares when I say stuff about boys...." I DID NOT SAY LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE I GET TIRED OF HEARING WHAT OTHER NIGGAS DO FOR U THAT BULLSHIT GETS OLD" I had to tell him:we aint together..and if I got some of the attn from someone who supposedly "WANTS TO KNOW ME BETTER AND BE WITH ME" then I could say that instead of saying what my friends do for me. I mean he has a car and still doesnt come see and even when i try to see him he doesnt try to see me. So I am really getting tired of the shit. If he wants to get to know me then he knows what to do. He treats me shady as hell and I am tired of the bullshit. I didnt see Justice today. I've been learning patience cause I have been being very patient with Justice. I used to be a person who sought instant gratification..But now I try to sit back and wait on it to just happen. If it is to be then it will be. Patience is a virtue from GOD....Everyday I sit and wait patiently everyday and wait 4 U 2 come into my life...a man who waits...waits for a good thing and I hope its you...Thats how I feel now....Justice...Lets do this...... I was talking to Dolton...My ex girlfriend/best homie lover friend... she responds to my tagline on YIM saying, "I sit and wait too, for God to send me the right man, one who is caring and understanding. One who loves me and one who will be by side no matter what I am goiong through. One who is not ashamed to kiss and hold hands in public. One who says, "That's my Girl!" One who buys me gifts just cause its Wednesday. One who is not afraid to show their true feelings to me. One who says, "Tiff I need you." So I sit and wait oh so very patient." That was sweet and I know it was directed to me, cause in the next breath she says ....But it has not happened yet.

Dont let no one come between you and your friends

The last 72 hours have been for the birds..Worst days of the last couple months.. Of course it all started on Sunday(read sunday's entry). When I got off work I went downtown and walked around until I ran into 33rd which is Winthrop's BF. He whined and shit until I took him home. I was hoping Justice would have called me so i could finally meet him while he was down there. No such luck.....Maurice...those who wait, wait for a good thing..Im believing it..He might be the one for me...I have such bad luck with love sometimes. Well anyway once I lost my spot i was unable to retrieve another parking spot so I rode around wasting my fucking gas. I went and picked up Twin from work and then I went to Garrett's to get some popcorn..boy was it good. Then we rode down to Banana Republic to pick up Subway who was out Chaluping as he calls it. LOL.... We took him home and then I decided we should go eat at Restaurant's job..Needless to say we didnt eat there..Restaurant was giving both of us too much..He needs to realize he is a messy fag and needs to get over trying to form something with me cause I wont date him cause he doesnt like my friends..so that means he doesnt like me. Well Twin got into gemini Mode, Look out Dredded Twin. We rode all the way from the northside with him sitting in the passenger seat all balled up and shit..Looking all mean and shit. I say Twin you alright? Yes Im ok..BIG FUCKING LIAR..So I took him to his car..He like are you in rush? I drive fast all the time. So then as he is exiting the car he begins to say something.. I am like WTF? I drove off and flew home.. I just had too much on yesterday....Then now Twin mad at me over some stupid cunt.... I cant let someone come between us.. We talked about it last night and it was all squashed...i talked to Westside and Dekalb before bed.... Today me and Winthrop talked and realized that the Stupid cunt was trying to come between us so we apologized to one another..We should go and beat his ass for being a messy cunt and he promised that for someone as insignificant as he would not defend any honor with them cause they are not worth it. My day was fine...I came home and cut the grass. Chilled for the rest of the evening.

I give up

In my pursuit of my finding friendship it has been a very very hard task.I give up on friendship.....I woke up this morning and I could immediately tell it was going to be one of those days...I woke up still mad..so I sent a text message and said how I felt. I went upstairs to eat my breakfast and they called me...well then they had an attitude. I called them back and left a message. They called me back at work..Well they told me I was overreacting and that it was their perogative to say what they want and to talk about in their conversation if they had something to do with it. Personally...I still dont see how thwy had anything to do with it. Repeating some of things I said and then telling me about somehow the guy read my blog..now imagine I aint tell him my address so if he read it to him then someone gave it to him..Trust issues...I will continue to have them because no one can be trusted. .....I had to read Naperville because he likes to run his mouth too...He needs to learn that whatever I say to him it is not for him to run and tell it. After that he thought it would be best if we remain friends, well I dont care cause I am not going to beg anymore to be my man. Then I todl him there was no need for us to be friends cause i dont need anymore friends cause I wont trust them. I give Up....Hell can someone tell me what exactly does a friend entail? Simply I have the perception of what it means. Once again thanks Twin for your support. Continuing to still have a bad day. Since this morning my head has still been hurting to the point where I was unable to focus on my work. Then at lunch I spilled hot water on my pants leg. Justice said he was going down town and maybe we will meet when I get off work. We'll see... Not motivated right now....Will finish later.