I been away but now Im back..

Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear. Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you. Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget. Don't let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff. BEST FRIENDS(EIU, TWIN, RIQQI) are the siblings God forgot to give us.When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your BEST FRIEND will be there. Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
I think I may have my Dekalb pt 1 back... We had!! And part 2 and I had!! What a peaceful holiday...No family fights,etc. I started reading the book Beyond the Down Low not intriguing at all. On Saturday I had to take care of some of my financial situations so I took my sister back to school and got some money out my secret stash. Then I went to Charleston to see EIU, i missed him I had not seen him in about three months. While driving there I decided that we should drive down to STL. So I arrived and my friend we'll call her classmate, came to see me. I made him drive me to STL, we went to go see my Dookem Slim(a good Friend), STL, and STLDUDE might I add some things about(LATER). I had a wonderful time and cant wait to do it again. We drove back to Charleston and I spent the night. I told no one but I was having a a rough week and I had to get God's direction. My breaking point was on Sunday on my way back from STL.... Listening to Dorinda You don’t have to leave here the same that took me on in and I been fine since then! Sunday I was at wits end with Pt1 and if I had not heard from him by the end of this day, I was done.. It never fails here he came back!! Im kinda glad but then I went on through it and told Pt2 we could talk. Since he and everyone else was telling me I wasnt giving him a fair chance. Who knows what he will bring to the table. Monday would bring nothing out of the ordinary. Tuesday would bring somethings I didnt expect to happen this year. Out of the blue, I recieved a text from Naperville, WOW!!! So we began to talk and I removed him from my block list and while I was in there I removed Markham too. I talked to both of them. We all can be friends again. Me and Dekalb part2 continue to have at it. He is something else and I aint going to fight with him. He is determined to do anything in his power to make me like him. Ok, ill admit he is growing on me and I might give him a chance. Dekalb part1 must take me as a joke. As much as Im going to hate to do it, imma have to move on and maybe later he will see my worth. Instead of being honest with me he wants me to chase after him. Wednesday was fine and not much went on. I went out to eat with my friend.

Ive got so much to be thankful for

Im Thankful for everything in my life that I dont have the TIME nor room on a blog to tell it so Ill just talk about right now. This week surely has been a trying week. I talked to Dekalb and he said he wanted to talk to me.. WOW!! Im waiting on that talk. For starters my grandma was in the Hospital and I spent a lot of my time at the Hospital with her, She came home yesterday after being in there all week. I took that pretty hard cause I dont like seeing her in the Hospital and especially not in ICU. Then for my own health I had to get on Blood pressure pills. WOW.. age 24 and on medicine. Wow and they make dilusional. All week my co-workers and my boss tried to figure out my sexuality. I wanted to tell them to "CATCH IT!" One by one I was sat down and asked what was bothering me and that possibly I was hiding/harboring something inside that is making me sick and it is eventually going to kill me if I dont let it out. My boss then began to say you are battling with something. I told her I aint battling with nothing and I know whassup. LOL... the look on her face. I went to see Dekalb at his house and we talked....and I went to the club with some friends. Yesterday was Thanksgiving and I realized I have so much to be thankful for. First just being in the land of the living cause I know I should be long dead and sleeping in my grave. Next thankful for family, (granny, momma, Aunties, cousins, and the most important people in my life MY siblings) for if it were not for them then I would not be where I am today; A successful young man. Next my close friends...... Although I dont have alot of friends in general but mad Shout outs to my close friends: Cash(although I didnt think it would be possible, Were still friends), Riqqi ( Weve had our differences,but were friends), Dolton (When I felt it was me against the world, you loved me, and never turned your back on me), EIU (When I was the worst friend that there could be, you stood by me), and not to forget my Internet Companions...(You know who you are, but thanks for the encouragement and anything else you did to help my day go better). Then all the things that are going great in my life and of course the bad..... (SHOUTING , THANK YA LORD THANK YA!!). Dekalb pt.2 is something else, he has been playing mind and head games all day and last night. I had to finally snap off and tell him I aint a muthaFUCKING Milton Bradley or Parker brothers board game and to take that shit to someone else. He BLEW THE FUCK OUT OF ME!! Today I didnt do anything but stayed in the house in my bed. And I will continue to do so.... Oh and I deleted one of my profiles.......So RIP BABYDREDS04 @adam4adam.

Fight or Flight

Regret is also when you later realize what you could've done and cannot go back and change.

Upon sitting at home all day yesterday, I realised some things about myself.... They are horrible, but must be changed. I sat back and realized that my EX has scarred me really bad and I trust no one. But I also realized that I have forfeited on some good relationships simply because I would rather take FLIGHT then accept the LOVE. That muthafucker is still out here still hurting people and scarring them.. I know this because I ended up meeting some of the people he has been with since our break Up. Because of him I wont let anyone get close to me so that I dont have to be in a Relationship. TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS THAT "IM AFRAID OF LOVE." I have missed out on some good relationships this year...because I chose to take flight. I have missed out on Springfield, Dolton, and Dekalb simply because when I felt myself getting close to them.. I did and said something to make them not like me anymore or even talk to me. But the only person that I hurt was ME! so as I finally get to meet another person whereever he is and whoever he is... I will not run him/her away nor will take the FLIGHT. I am not sure why I am afraid of LOVE~~~

Weekend Recap

Been in Hiatus. Sorry! On Thursday me and Twin made up with the help of Hair Stylist while he was retwisting my hair. He is such an ass...But I love him. We talked about a lot of different subjects such as me being hard on myself and a whole bnunch of self improvement issues. Then he got on my phone and started texting twin from my phone and sending pictures. Thats how we made up. That lead us to talk and come up with a solution to the problems we have. Im glad to have him back. I talked to my current person Im talking too and we will call him Bellwood and we met one another on Friday night. That would have been our first time me...I told him some things about me and that he had to accept me for who I am. I am a fun loving, crazy complex guy that has no room for the games and that it takes another complex person to know how to deal and understand me. Also, if I present a problem then he should address it immediately and not let the problem escalate. I called Dekalb tonight before I went to bed and left a long message stating my feelings and that im sorry for the hurt I caused him. I got no return phone calls. I got read by my bosses on Friday and was made to make a Dr's Appt, and for me to take care of myself, and what not to eat. WOW... Im not claiming being sick and REBUKE in the the Name of JESUS. On Friday I wrote letters to three people, and I not sure what mode of delivery I will use, they will get them before the end of this week. Later Friday evening I finally went to go meet Bellwood. CUTE as hell, thick, Tall, not to fem, and Chocolate just the way I like em. We came back to my house and chilled. I got in the bed and went to sleep and then woke up and realised he was over there playing with his nipples. WOW!!! Dude wanted me to touch him. So I did just that. Nothing to much jumped off but I got a little bad head out of it...He aint that good. Then I took him home at 2am per his request. Needless to say he wont be coming back to my crib unless he drives his self. MAYBE NEVER!!! Saturday went to Champaign and got my sister. Talked to Westside for a long time and then went to Club Spin with my friends. Had some fun! I drank me a little something which got me crunk and made me dance all night. Atlanta was there so I danced with him too. When I dropped Twin off upon leaving his house.. I almost had a collision with this big ass Deer.... He ran right in front of my car in Twins Parking lot. That would have been the end of my Honda. I slept until late on Sunday, which caused me to miss church. I cooked me a sunday dinner and stayed in bed all day until I went to my granny house at 7. I stopped by my friend Harvey house, we chilled and she is trying to hook me up with someone. I called Dekalb from her phone and finally he answered. WOW....Damn 2 weeks and finally I got to him. I went home!!

REGRET

Regret is when you look back and realize that you could have done more.
Regret is when you realize that what you did was wrong.
Regret is when you look back on life and wish that you could go back and relive a single day of your past.
Regret is remembering someone who meant so much to you and remembering how you did them wrong.
Regret is looking back on something that meant so much to you and never realizing what you really had.
Regret is never saying I Love you.
Regret is going on in life, having so many regrets in life, and never having the ability to do anything about it.
Regret is never remembering to live life to the fullest. P. Fields

Who am I?

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that was not supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You will break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You will fight with your best friend. You will blame a new love for things an old one did. You will cry because time is passing too fast, and you will eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you have never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you will never get back. P. Fields
Thanking GOD for second chance to be in the land of the living. Leviticus 16 Thou shalt not go up and down as a talebearer among thy people: neither shalt thou stand against the blood of thy neighbour; I am the LORD. 17 Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart: thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy neighbour, and not suffer sin upon him. 18 Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I am the LORD. Being a child of the most HIGH GOD, and for me to make it to glory I have to do some things. For one the hate in my heart towards a lot of GOD's children is gone. I spoke my mind and how I felt about the whole situation. Some laughed and more will laugh....Laugh on I dont care.... For ALL my burdens have been lifted. Exodus 6:6 - Wherefore say unto the children of Israel, I am the LORD, and I will bring you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians, and I will rid you out of their bondage, and I will redeem you with a stretched out arm, and with great judgments. I dont have to worry about anyone on this earth for I am an heir to the throne of God.... And no matter what how any earthly being feels about me or what they say about me.... I will inherit the Kingdom of GOD..... and be able to walk them streets paved in GOD. Deuteronomy 12:10 - But when ye go over Jordan, and dwell in the land which the LORD your God giveth you to inherit, and when he giveth you rest from all your enemies round about, so that ye dwell in safety. GOD has told me Great Things in Store for me. I am a good person with a good heart and their is not a soul on this earth that can say anything about me I dont know about myself. I never claimed to be perfect nor did I aim at perfection..I just did what I could. The Devil has used people close to me to upset me in the last couple months making them enemies of mine. Truth, I have not lost not a moments sleep about it...and I sleep well every night and maybe throughout the course of a day they manage to make me mad....Im yet learning to ignore them. Deuteronomy 20:4 - For the LORD your God is he that goeth with you, to fight for you against your enemies, to save you. Im not going to fight or argue with anyone because I dont have too.. it's not my fight in the first place, I hope all everyone has realized that. But whatever it is thats good for me will remain and the rest will disappear out of my life for one reason or another and I wont worry about it. It hurts at first, but like Winter, Spring, Summer, and Fall they will come to past. Numbers 10:35 - And it came to pass, when the ark set forward, that Moses said, Rise up, LORD, and let thine enemies be scattered; and let them that hate thee flee before thee.

Im over it

Today I pressed my way out to work...Everyone was mad at me including my boss and friends.... They said I should have taken another day off. My blood pressure was still high. I just realized today that I dont need to anyone in my life that is here to anger me or patronize me. I wonder would you rather see me dead? Why continue to bother someone and make them sicker. I am tired of all the stuff is being said, tired of being bothered, tired of the aggravation. I cut people out and yet in still they dont get it. I mean if you are/were a true friend and you had a issue with me..why not come to me and address it. Or are you doin things intentionally to make me sick so you can get that phone call of someone telling you of my death? Is that what you want? I dont think you will be getting that phone call because I we will not have any contact with each other until you are ready to be a friend and if not To HeLL with you. I will not allow anyone to put me in my early grave. If it were a matter between you and death I choose to live and defeat both. Now back to my day... I went to visit a friend and he Bought me a bear to cheer me up & for me to get well.. That was one of the best things someone has done for me in a long time. We went to Walmart and then we went back to his house. He recieved some rather disturbing news...Pray for him. Pray for me as I am able to do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me and defeat my enemies when they try to come for me. The Devil is a liar....I will not be on any medicine and the enemy will not come into my head and make me think I am not someone, that no one loves me, and that I cant develop relationships/ friendships with people. HE IS A LIAR..... I will be healed without the aid of medicine, I am someone, A lot of people love me and those that dont...its not my battle its theirs, and I will find some meaningful friends and find me a someone to call my own. And I think there is still hope for my friendship with others...
Speak It
The only way to be delivered and defeat the enemy is to get it out....dont hold it in....let it go. I recited it and that was the beginning of my healing & Deliverance......

The Road to Success

The Road to Success is not STRAIGHT.
There is a curve called FAILURE.
A loop called CONFUSION, SPEEDBUMPS
CALLED FRIENDS, CAUTION LIGHTS
CALLED FAMILY, and you will have FLATS
called JOBS. But, if you have a spare called
DETERMINATION, and engine called
PERSERVERANCE and insurance called FAITH,
you will make it to a place called SUCCESS.

He sends me all the Words I need to hear from him

As i was checking my email tonight I found an email from an Old classmate and GOD put this on her heart to share with me.......
GOD WANTED ME TO TELL YOU!
It shall be well with you this year.. No matter how much your enemies try this year, they will not succeed. You have been destined to make it and you shall surely achieve all your goals this year. For the remaining months of the year, All your agonies will be diverted and victory and prosperity will be incoming in abundance. Today God has confirmed the end of your sufferings sorrows and pains because HE that sits on the throne has remembered you. He has taken away the hardships and given you JOY. He will never let you down. I knocked at heaven's door this morning, God asked me... My child! whatcan I do for you? And I said, Father, please protect and bless the>person reading this message... God smiled and answered... Request granted. If you believe, send it to those you care for. Have a Blessed Day..........................................
Yet in still I dont feel good...My last result im hoping is to have to go back to the Hospital. Something else is going on and they need to run some more tests to find out what the problem is!! I am doing all I can to nurse myself back to health and it only seems to be getting worse. I have not consumed anything with Sodium in it....Never was a big salt eater in the first place. I dont add salt to my food unless it tastes like It-Shay.....LOL.... Tonight I went and had my blood pressure checked and it was still quite elevated and my kidneys were hurting me as if I had not consumed not an ounce of Water nor Gatorade today. Hairdresser told me "U need to go to the hospital, u gon be fine...just do what the Doctor says and Rest...AND GET OFF YAHOO,dont make me call and get your internet turned off. Ok....im going to get some pedialyte and some things that contain pottassium before I am six feet under.

God Of Completion

God has always told me Patience was one of the best Virtues he could give me. Shortly and slowly im learning it. I was in the market to buy my own building and I got the approval for the bank loan and was going through the process.. Maybe I am stuck up or Very Grande as I like to say. But no buildings out there satisfied my taste. So I gave up on it besides that I got 2 New car notes and really didnt need to tax anything else on myself simply cause I would hate to have gone bankrupt. Right now I am living with my Elderly aunt and I must admit it is a challenge and I am ready to move out which I planned on doing by the end of the month. Tell you how Good GOD IS............. Something told me to call my God Sister and she informed me of a condo thats for sale. It sounds like a good deal so please pray for me and the Endeavor Im going to embark simply cause only the LORD knows how much I am ready to move. And if this works for me then I Will be so happy. I will go to view this place on Saturday morning. I already have visions in my head of what my colors will be. Now on to the Present thats....I stayed home from work once again today...sick... To be honest I would much rather be at work than in some bed at home. I will not be defeated by the sickness Demon. My blood pressure is sky high and im dehydrated. One illness is feeding off of the other...Once I get this Dehydration under control then the Blood pressure will go down some...and among things I need to stop stressing out....and letting things worry me....A friend told me it will kill me and Literally thats what it is doing. Imma turn it all over to the LORD and he will work it out. Ok...so maybe I need to call some people let us talk and then we can go back to no talking cause as the underlying problem at hand is solved. Tommorow I will see if I am well enough to go back to work.

Weird Dreams

As I was sitting here all day in between the computer and My bed...I finally was able to take a nap. I had some of the craziest dreams....1. Springfield called me and asked me to go to eat with him and then he told me he was ready to be with me. You know I was lovin it cause he is so fine and the perfect Puerto Rican Lover. I just talked to him on Saturday as a matter of fact...I was telling him how I LIKED how he catered to me etc..and we should do dinner or something...Speaking it into Existence. and the other dream was about Winthrop....He all of a sudden came out of the Wood and was like Hey Maurice, how you doing etc...to make a long dream Short. We need to sit down and talk. Then I woke up with a massive Headache. I got up and hung up my clothes and cleaned my room. Dolton came over and brought me some Catfish and Chicken wings from J&J's. I thank her so much for everything she has been doing for me while I am sick. I am so horny..that I was ready to give her some or go out and get me some. Oh well..I'll see what tommorow brings. Still not feeling that well, just yet.

Weekend Recap

Ok I aint wrote in here since Thursday. Not to much went on Friday. I went over to a friends house and stayed there until 3 oclock in the morning. We sat around and Watched Mr & Mrs Smith. He fixed me something to eat. Then he put in a new porn he just just had got....It really wasnt new... But it was it was new to him. We watched all 2 hours of it.....my dick was hard as hell...to bad I couldnt do anything about it.... I came home and looked on the computer for Baton Rouge so we could webcam. He wasnt on...so I popped it off on my own. On Saturday, I aint do nothing all morning. I browsed on the net and looked at some profiles. As it comes to my attention as I was browsing through some profiles on the net ...I couldnt help but come across a lot of profiles and people saying I dont want someone on bullshit..... "I want someone who is not on bullshit" We all say that including me.. I would love to have someone who wasnt on bullshit and could love me... But honestly we cant want that when we on the same bullshit .Ok...Were all lookin for the same things NO BULLSHIT, SOMEONE TO LOVE US, TREAT US NICELY...do they exist...In order for us to find someone not on bullshit we first have not be on it ourselves. We all have to grow up in order for us to mature and grow in many different aspects of life.... So far I can honestly grow...I ve learned that life aint all about me and the world doesnt revolve around me. And I think I know why I am single now. Later, me and my friend the Doctor went on the Westside to celebrate Alvin Willis and the Praise Assembly's Anniversary. Fags will show out I dont care whereever they are. This fag, who had on his his pink shirt along with his pink hankerchief...started shouting in church. He then starts to spin his hankerchief in a circle and shouts...LOL... He won the Queen Oscar for the night.... I looked up and he started shouting again this time he runs in the pulpit twirling her scarf...Someone please sit her down...LOL. Immediately we left to go back to the Southside. We couldnt find no where to eat especially with the wind blowing like it was Crazy...Im a thick boy and I was slightly lifted off the ground and was going to have to use my jacket as a parachute. We went to greek town and I got me a Gyros and then I took her home....Juking to the house music the radio was playing. I went home and talked to my new little friend whom We'll Call Maywood. We talked and found out he has been with my ex THE A....WOW...he out here bad just being a random bussa. I went to sleep and woke up in enough to go to church...While I was getting ready for church I talked to Simon says. I love our conversation. The Doctor came and we went to church, Red Lobster(I told her my tea), Walmart, and to the Hospital. I was already sick...and I took my blood pressure in Walmart and it was high as hell....174/81....I could have stroked out. Then it must have gotten higher cause my hands started to swell. She rushed me to the Hospital...They immediately took me back cause it was still high as hell when I got there. They ran all these tests and concluded...I am severely dehydrated and my blood pressure was high ass hell... I spent all night attached to a heart monitor, O2 sensor, and an IV.... I felt like I was going to die. I told the Doctor to call my momma nem...They came up there... She texted Westside for me and messed with him making him mad. My momma called Dolton and she came. I stayed up the just about the whole day. I was discharged and sent home whom I rode home with The Doctor...Dolton and my momma came by the house. They wouldnt let me drive...took the prescription for VICODIN to Walgreens and my momma home. Got the medicine and got me something to eat. I chilled. We were talking and she was telling me that she feels that I am not over Dekalb and some other things. She went to sleep and checked my voicemail....Started writing this and talked to Maywood. Went to sleep....called off this morning...Hair dresser called this morning to check, Blogger and EIU sent texts. That was so nice of him... I guess I shall be here all day...I aint going back to work until wednesday..... Ill write more later. Oh yeah thanks to all who has checked, vis email, IM, Text, and phone calls. Special thanks to My momma, The Doctor, and Dolton (Pudding) for your care and for being to there to take care of me.

Staying Prayerful under satan's attack

As I go into my 34th day of celibacy, it surely has been a "HARD" struggle dealing with it but im making it. I woke up with a nice hard on and was ready to pop one off. I was butt naked so I grabbed my dick and began to rub and stroke it. Damn, im super horny.... and I dont have a solution for my problem. I stopped because I want to bust one with my hand...(uhmmmm, maybe someone elses hand, mouth, pussy, booty), LOL. In the midst of my moment...i got a text from 2 years telling me to have a nice day at work and told me I was on his mind and he had to let me know. To my surprise this surely brightened my day. I also got a text from country club hills. For the remainder of the morning until I left for work I talked to Atlanta. I'm going up to his job and to his new house after work. During my seminar...I realized that racism is still so real. There was this later who had to be the ugliest white woman I have seen in a while.... Everytime we would discuss a scenario...she made sure she mentioned the race of the person. No one else in this whole seminar said anything about race. Dumb dizzy brod. I never knew that my clients loved me so much...but today, when I went in the office....they were overjoyed to see me, that put a big smile on my face. Big Shout out to my Boo from ATL....Simon Says...with his sexy self.... The conversation is great.... I went to Atlanta's house and helped him move some of this things in. While he cleaned the house I got in bed to talk to STL and go to sleep.. He came and got in the bed with me...We slept for a while and I got up and came home. Question....I told someone I wanted them to relocate to my city to be with me....would you relocate to another city to be with someone from the internet?

OPRAH TODAY

Ok, I was watching Oprah, Terri McMillian and her Ex-Husband a DL guy. Gurrrrllllllllll, how come you didnt see he was gay. Stevie Wonder can see that and he is blind as hell. Everything about him is gay as hell....His looks, his voice, his dress, and most def the hair. Ok, he is from Jamaica; he probably hung as hell and he beat that cakes good. And they spent another night together and I know he hit that again and will. He is Switch Hitter, and they like both. I wonder whats his role..IS he a top, verse, or Bottom??????????Help me out readers...It is my belief that he is a Fem verse top or verse.

A much needed vacation

Last night I could do nothing but give GOD some praise for sparing my life, protecting me from harm, and keeping his angles encamped against me. I could have been involved in pile up but GOD spared me...I got off of the road and thanked him. I woke up this morning a little refreshed this morning simply cause I got some extra sleep last night. I still did not feel like myself. Still deep down inside something is bothering me and causing complete chaos down in my spirit. I didnt have to go to the office this morning, instead I have to go seminar. WOW, 8 hours of someone talking to me BOO BOO!!!! I got to meet some new people who work for my agency and some of them are fine as hell and others are crazy as hell. I realized today that I dont care for the friendship of younger people anymore, simply I love the company of older woman. I have so much fun with them and we can laugh and have fun as we did today. I want/need to take a vacation because I have allowed things to get me down. Tell you how the Devil will make a fool out of you....today he had me going through my phone looking at text messages and my call history. All the while I am getting mad as hell at some of the text messages I had and then the missed call from someone....Sent me into rage....Intensifying the hate that is harbored in my heart. In the past month 2 people whom I care alot about, came out of a bag on me. I wonder why do I even need friends.... Why must thou....maketh me so angry? Ok....I stopped looking at the phone all together.......I began to think....am I the worst person in this world like everyone says I am? am I not respectful of others? am I a shit starter???? Thats what everyone keeps telling me. I dont know why I harbor so much hate in my heart. I just want to thank Hairdresser for being there for me this week. OK, its time for me to go to bible study, when I get to church....Imma go b4 the alter and pray for a forgiving heart(Ill hold a grudge), Cause I dont have one....and some other things.....I need to pray against the hate I hold in my heart. In the bible study... GOD was delivering some things to me that I needed to hear. Ok, me and Twin need to make up...I am so stubborn....but he hurt me deep within....simply cause in so many words he told me I wasnt "Nothing." That really hurt....and I dont know if he meant it or said it out of anger.....Im sorry TWIN..but I am hurt that you let whatever was bothering build up and you came out the bag on me. Next I need to call Dekalb, ok....I still care a lot about him and I fell in love with him. Next, I must stop being so hard on myself.....I am not that bad of a person... And to look at far i've grown....From looking back where I started from. I broke down and called Dekalb....

A fucked up Day

Ok.....to begin today marks the first full month since I have been sexually active. Also, today marks the day when I will humble myself and seek him. For I have learned that all my daily trials and tribulations are lessons to be learned. Last night I recieved a phone call from someone in my past...I was unable to answer and they left a message. Needless to say I returned their phone call and I never recieved another phone call. Why play with me...Leave things as they have been. I went to Riqqi's house and had dinner with him. We talked....for what seemed like eternity. He gave me some pointers and those I will try and take heed to. Today started out a stressful day and continued to be one. I was having an emotional breakdown cause simply I am just tired. The pastor and my boss came to talk to me. They both told me the cut the lines of communication and with saying that she powered my phone off and took it with her. LOL...Ok Ill be alright I can focus better. They just kept asking me whats wrong...So the truth finally surfaces....Im EMOTIONALLY, PHYSICALLY, PSYCHOLOGICALLY, AND SOCIALLY burned out. Misery loves company...or something to the sort. Today I found some things about myself out..rather disturbing and mostly untrue. But I am glad that people are willing to share how they feel about me. Truly I will use it for a learning tool so that I could learn to better person in the site of others. As I grow stronger in the LORD....There will be more trials I will encounter and I must learn how to defeat them. Perhaps...I act the way I previously behaved......A I dont give a F**k attitude...and then no one messed with me. And maybe the old attitude of Me against the World.... Truly it is me against the world. I was born in this world by myself and I will leave it alone so I live it for myself.

In complete Disorray?Ressurrection

It feels good to be home! Been gone for a few days....aint much new happened. Its official me and Dekalb are no more....we aint talked in a couple weeks. This is the GOD honest truth..he is the first person since my ex that I had feelings for. I miss him and still have feelings for him but I am moving on. I got a few different people that I hope to get to know better and be able to chose someone to spend the holidays and the new year with. I met my boy Country Club Hills this weekend, he is high yellow and Thick and has the most pretty hazel eyes. Almost made me jizz my pants. I could not sleep last night......For more than one reason.... Not to state the obvious reason that I am horny as hell.....Tommorow makes one month of no sexual contact. I remember waking up at 5am...with a hard on coming through my Pj's......I dreamt of nothing but Sex last night.....I thought if I went to pee it would go down...no such luck....Removing the Pj's No suck luck....so I laid in bed for about an hour and a half w/a hard dick. Ok....Now more importantly.....My mind is in a state of disorray...I cant figure it out but why does the Devil keep attacking my friendship with Twin. For the last month or so every week there is something that keeps coming in between us...and I dont like it..... He is really like the only firm friend I have in my life right now and I am scared that soon if we continue in the direction that were in that soon he will be gone too. Yesterday our disagreement was over someone whom we both find attractive and have messed around with. Twin thinks I am stepping on his toes to prevent him from dating this person. Actually I am not.....He tells me I got all these people chasing after me in Chicago why cant I let him have someone....Im like what the hell? He was enraged, I told him I was not going to talk about it anymore, but he kept on going talking about dont tell it back around on him and etc. IT was obvious to me that Devil was trying to make me mad....I let him know he was defeated .....All this came after I left church...while I was in High Spirits... So I prayed a lil quick prayer for strength, peace and Wisdom. I got a peace of mind.....and I left the situation along all together. Then after that I lost my phone for a few hours.... MY HEART I was so lost....But I guess that was my time to get order over my life and over my actions..... I didnt discuss the issue with anyone yesterday simply I just wanted to pray over the situation....By the end of the night....I saw my anger Harboring inside of me...and I started to pray against that...... PRAYER works..... Im cool...just still a little disturbed. I talked to Simon Says today and had to give him some mad props for talking to me today and helping me to find a topic to Ressurrect this blog out of hiatus. I told him I was bothered about Twin....
Simon: but many times God puts situations and scenarios in our lives for a reason, be it a lesson, be it a way to learn something about the people around us, be it a way to realize w Simon: maybe you are not meant to be friends with this person anymore
Simon: maybe you are not meant to feel the way you feel for this guy
Maurice: lol....true.....
Simon: but it can possibly still be a way for God to do something more in your life
Maurice: yeah that’s the way I looked at it.....
Maurice: I think it was a test for me to pass....and I think I passed it with flying colors....
Maurice: Normally I would have cursed and screamed and yelled.....but this time I simply said I ain’t gone talk about it.....
Thats it........for now....Im going over to Hair Dressers house...

Ressurrection of Maurice......

Ok....Its time that I come out of Hiatus... Tommorow I will officially resurrect my blog and give a brief update about where I been and what I been doing for the last few days. I cant wait until I find me someone so we can hang out and kick it....go eat..... HAVE SEX and more SEX(Just Kidding)..... Just be loved. Sex is ok...but ive learned that it aint all what it is hyped up to be.....

Still debating on giving up on the blog

Still wondering if I shall keep my blog...My decision will be made at the end Yesterday revealed to me that I shant go backward and try to embark into a friendship/Relationship with someone who doesnt want to be my friend. So I will leave them be and not even talk to them anymore. Upon getting off work on yesterday I began to feel ill. My throat was starting to get sore, lips getting dry,and I was starting to get congested. Its the signs of a cold. I went and met a friend and took them to the train station....Maybe the start of something new. I went home turned on my webcam and stared off into space until I went to bed. Maybe the problem is im not getting enough sleep....From now on I will go to sleep. Now I sit and see what this day will bring. Me and Atlanta been texting one another all day back and forth. Wonderful!!! I chatted with Friends EX today on the computer for hours. My boss asked me to go somewhere with her, LOL...LORD she is funny. We talked about gay people..LOL....My subject of choice. Well she begins to tell me how this guy was checking me out....I dont think he was but maybe he was...I was not eying him while she was there. LOL... Besides that he was not of my race..Ill go and get his number when she aint there. Then she went on to talk about Trade, LOL...what does she know about some trade. What is it that she wants to know from me????Ill tell her December 31st. While I was performing my many job tasks on the computer, Dekalb hits me up talking to me. Ok, Now what???? Now imagine he doesnt want anything to do with me nor talk to me at all. I cant get a phone call, friendly email.. all I get is funky little Instant messages....Today being one thats going to get him erased and then blocked. He doesnt give a fuck about me or like I said already want to be a part of my life. How quickly he notices on my Blog there is a new person in my life. So who is this and that? I ignored him...What business of his is it if im talking to someone new. I admit I was wrong but I apologized for telling him not to call me anymore. I guess it was not enough, so he continues to not have anything to do with me. FINE WITH ME, Im moving on....no more time to play the fucking 19 year old games....Surpassed that point in my life over 5 years ago. So today I tell him...since you dont want to be a part of my life....Get the fuck on Niggah. Now on to more important stuff.....FAREWELL Mrs. Rosa Parks. Her funeral lasted a whole day...She will be buried sometime tonight in Detroit, Michigan. I never met her in person this lifetime but I know when I get the other side where the streets are paved in gold. "Im gone view that holy city one of these days." My friend of 5 years ill call him Hazel Crest,tells me I am mean....and he feels sorry for the people. I tell him, Maurice: Oh!!!! Well like I have said many times....i used to be one of the sweetest people on this earth....but people would not let me be and continued to anger and upset me... taking my kindness for weakness...so now I lash out and Im mean...you cant win for losing on this earth. GOD BLESS THE MINISTRY OF EVERYONE. I will let everyone know tonight what im going to do....as far as the blog is concerned....Right now making plans to go to bible study and what im going to do this weekend.

Starting over fresh

I am so satisfied with my Savior..he means more to me than anything that this world could ever Offer to me. Proverbs 26:11 a dog returns to his own vomit so does a fool repeat his foolishness....Well this scripture gets me together on a lot of different things such as relationships and friendships. Why go back into those things and they are not going to change.
I am so glad that October is now over, it was a very trying month for me. In the month of October I let 12 people go out of my life and in the month of November I got another list Ive come up with to break ties with. On this past weekend I said some pretty mean things to someone I care alot about and I just want them to know I am sorry for...but my heart was hurt and truly when I am upset or angry I dont know the extent of the words I say. But I am sorry and if they would grant me the honor of being their friend again it would be greatly appreciated. I think I am making my twin mad cause he called the person and told them to call me. Yesterday was interesting for me. A couple different peeps hit me (we'll call them Friends Ex and Atlanta, and both of them seem interesting and then my friend from Tennessee he has such charm with me. Today I plan for a better future. This morning I texted back and forth with Atlanta. Uhm, he might be a keeper and Im supposed to be meeting him after work today. Stay Tuned.... Well I talked the person that I told not call me anymore....and basically I guess thats the way were going to leave it like it is....Im glad to have met him and im glad to have had him in my life...during our short time together(last 3-4 months) he bought joy to my life...I never thought I could find happiness in another person again after my horrible relationship of 2 years. I will miss him alot but I guess whats got to be done has to be done. Ok I met up with Atlanta after work and he seems cool...violent as hell but cool. Yall know im a freak....He is supposed to be a bottom with a big dick....Im curious to see so I told him to whip it out and show me...he was scared.... no luck....Well I am extremely tired and I think I will go to bed...NOW...Seriously contemplating this being my last blog entry.....So if I dont post again....It was nice to have my regular readers when I did..SHOULD I Stop it?????